I'm struggling

[MochaShots]

Hi, I've posted before about my daughter who is obese and had some great advice. This however is about me. I don't actually know what I want from this post. But I suppose it would be nice to know if anyone has been where I am and come out the other side.

I've suffered with depression for years due to an abusive relationship. I've been 'fine' for many years now as I've been on medication, but after speaking to my GP, I am going to start taking medication for my ADHD, therefore tapered off of sertraline in preparation. They are now saying it could be a few months before I'm prescribed them.

I never realised just how much I relied on my antidepressants until now. I am SO low. I had been making positive steps towards helping my daughter with her weight loss (still not as much as I could do, but had taken on board advice from here and was starting to get somewhere) Now, due to how I've been feeling, the kids have had take away 4 out of 7 nights because I just cant face doing anything.

I dragged myself out to do something nice with the children today, but inwardly I was struggling so much.

Now, I'm sitting here, crying, hating myself and thinking what a bad mum I am and how I'm failing my children. I can't find any joy in anything and not sure how I'm going to cope waiting so long for my ADHD medication. I really don't want to go back on my antidepressants as it takes weeks to kick in again, and I need it out my system in time for my new meds. Plus, the side affects I just can't deal with.

To the outside world, people think I've got it together, only my mum and GP truly know how I feel.

The GP said they'll see what they can do to fast track it. I just don't know how I'm going to wait too much longer.

Thanks for reading

I have no real advice, but just wanted you to know someone had read your post and understands a little.
I take anti-depressants too, but if I've forgotten to take them, or had an upset stomach, the withdrawal hits me pretty hard and I realise how much I depend on them.
I recon if you're with it enough to get the kids takeaway, then you're doing okay - at least you're making sure they eat and lets face it, just getting out of bed is an effort. Picnics can be a good way of appearing to have it together without actually having to cook.
Has it been half term for you this week? I find that really affects my image of myself as a mother ie makes me think I'm really crap at it. You would NEVER guess that from my Facebook posts though. I make a point of posting anything we do, I guess to kinda convince myself I DID do something.
I think the expectation of 'creating memories' around the Jubilee is compounding the pressure us mums put on ourselves.

I hope someone comes along in a bit with some more useful advice. Get some rest, even if you can't sleep, it might make tomorrow more bearable.x.

Thank you so much. You sound like a great mum. I just feel like I'm drowning in life right now. The simplest things seem so hard x