Am I being unreasonable for wanting to make my child's existence known to her siblings mother?

[helpmeouthere123]

I had a baby with what I thought was my man. Turns out he's for everybody, but was good at hiding it. I was aware of his previous child, but I was under the impression that his relationship with the mother of this child was over with other than co-parenting. The child's mother is completely unaware of my child and I. I broke contact with the dad when I was pregnant due to an unforgivable act, but I still wanted to let the other mother know about my child. When I finally mustered up the courage to let her know, I found out that she had just given birth to another child (which I'm assuming is also from the same dad), so I let her be as I didn't feel as if the timing was appropriate. However, it does not sit right with me knowing that our children live quite close to one another and do not know/know of each other - especially where they're of the opposite sex. It also doesn't sit right with me that she does not know about me, as I was practically living with her (or even OUR) man. I've been sitting on this for a couple of years now and I feel as if I'm keeping a dirty secret. I'm unsure of what to do. I do not want to hurt her feelings, but I'm tired of this playing on my mind.

Are they still together?

Let her know

I’m assuming so, but I don’t know for certain.

Thank you XelaM

But if you believed he was co-parenting with this woman how had you and she never met? How could she be co-parenting with him without knowing about your child?

if you’d never met her because he prevented it, that should have been an obvious sign to you that something was amiss. Do you not realise that?

Of course tell her, but also examine how you allowed yourself to be taken in so easily.

I think I'd tell her.

I've name changed to post on your thread. My situation is different but I hope it shows you that things can be positive. My ex has 2 sons by 2 different women. No judgement there. For the first few years he had nothing to do with son1. He was the result of a ONS and ex claimed the woman had tricked him into believing she was on the pill. Son2 is to his ex-wife. He fought for custody of this son during the divorce and won. When I split with him and found out I was very unexpectedly pregnant he was horrified and threatened to kill himself, wanted me to have an abortion and said paying maintenance would financially ruin him. I had no interest in getting back together with him and was happy to go it alone and he has shown no interest at all in ds. His ex-wife, right from when he was born, has fostered a relationship between my ds and her ds. Every Christmas and birthday there are gifts and messages and we did try to meet up but it was just as covid hit then her ds went to uni and time passes. Ds has FaceTimed his brother and they share photos sometimes. There's 14 years between them but they have a fair bit in common and ds ia thrilled he has a big brother. One day they will meet up and I hope once they are both adults that they will keep in touch. Their relationship is thanks to the ex-wife's efforts in those early days and I'll always be very grateful to her that she keeps in touch and values my ds as a brother to her ds. Ds's dad has met him once as a baby. That's it. No interest whatsoever.

TL:DR ds has a relationship with his brother because his brother's mum contacted me and ensured we kept the boys in touch so they'd know each other when older. Make that contact. Good luck

Honestly I wouldn't contact them and I would raise my child and live my life free from him.

what was his excuse for never introducing you to his child? Did you not find it strange that you got pregnant off him but never met his other kid? Don’t expect she will want to welcome you and your child with open arms into her and the child’s life! I’m guessing he has no contact with your child now ?

@Luredbyapomegranate He was definitely co-parenting with this woman. She lived with her child and I was living with the dad. When his child would come around, I would leave before they arrived and let him spend time with his child and I’d come back when his child had gone. I chose not to be active in his life as I didn’t want to face any unnecessary conflict as the new woman. This was my choice.

There was only one bedroom in his house and I was not comfortable with sharing a bed with someone else’s child or acting as a spare part to father son bonding - Hence me leaving. We were in constant contact during this time and she would only come and drop her child off and then leave. The only other time I would leave was to go to work. If something was amiss, my child wouldn’t exist.

As you can see above, I broke contact with him when I was pregnant. I left him two days after my positive. Obviously he didn’t tell her about my child:

@brothersinarms Thank you so much for your response! The situation you explained with the whole abortion thing and beyond is exactly what happened here. I’m glad you were able to find a silver lining!

@BiscoffSundae That was my choice. He saw his child whenever the mum called him up and dropped him off for the night. I left them to bond and share the only bed in the house. It would be hard (and disgusting) to get pregnant with a child in the bed, whether it be mine or someone else’s. I’m not looking for open arms. I’m looking for the children to at least know each other exist. The dad has no contact with my child. I left him when I was in the early days of pregnancy and haven’t spoken to him since last year.

@Vikinga Thanks for the response! I have no desire to talk to him. I just wanted our children to be aware of each other, seeing as we don’t live too far from each other and they may cross paths in the future.

@Zpoa thank you for your response!