To ask WWYD?

[BonnBon]

Hello! I've NCd as this is possibly very outing.

So, DH and I teach in the same school abroad and today was our jubilee school party. DH is KS2 lead and has worked hard this week organising outdoor activities for the the children and arrived early this morning to set up.

All staff were instructed to come wearing red, white and blue, so husband arrived to school in long navy shorts and a red poloshirt t-shirt.

As DH was outside setting up with the other key stages leads, the HT approached him and in a hard, derogatory tone says something along the lines of "I hope you've got an extra pair of trousers in the car. You look scruffy. I can't believe you've come to school looking like that"

This was said in front of my DH's colleagues and of course, he was left feeling belittled and embarrassed. Surely if you have a problem with someone, as a supposed professional, you pull them to one side and have a word in private?

For what it's worth, DH did not look scruffy. He was dressed completely appropriately for someone attending a jubilee party, who was going to be spending the majority of the day outside in 37C sunshine and getting wet sponges thrown at him!

All the other male teachers in school arrived wearing shorts and t-shirts and nothing was said to them. It just goes to show that HT didn't make expectations clear if everyone turned up wearing the same thing.

DH is such a good, hard working man who goes above and beyond for the school, and for him to be treated like that is just awful. DH has drafted an email of complaint but is unsure whether to send or not.

AIBU here or has the HT acted out of turn?

I think the time has passed and no I wouldn’t complain. When others started showing up in shorts the HT should have apologised but clearly is the type that doesn’t think it’s important.

I might consider bringing it up at my next appraisal- that I didn’t appreciate being pulled up on my clothing like a scruffy kid, especially when it wasn’t clear that trousers were expected.

If you’re concerned about it being outing, the fact that you work in the same school and that it’s abroad are completely irrelevant!

Who is the complaint email to?

What is the head usually like?

Are the other key stage leads female?
You say other male teachers arrived later - more formality might be expected from lead roles.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy I think you're right about the time having passed now but I'll suggest that DH brings it up in his appraisal.

@Testina I just didn't want to use my regular username as I don't want this linked to my discussions. Yes they are and they were dressed in dresses with bright make up and some face paints. They stood up for DH to HT and are a good support for to him.

If the other male teachers weren’t publicly called out then it sounds like the HT does sadly have it in for him, and what you want to get out of it depend on how you procédé.

So what was the HT’s reaction when your husband’s colleagues stood up to him?

I disagree about waiting for an appraisal, but I also disagree about a complaint email.

Let it go, or talk to the head in person, next week.

The letting it go bit depends on my previous question - what is the HT usually like?

She just walked off apparently.

She's not popular among a lot or the staff. There's a lot of condescending emails, poor management, lack of communication etc.

I think if DH is to do anything, it needs to be in writing to cover his back.

I would just ignore it especially if the HT isn't popular with other staff.
I don't think it will help your husband if he makes a fuss with someone who is so unprofessional.
If this and other things it bothered me too much then I would look for another job otherwise I would just ignore it.

All jobs have difficult people amf you have to learn to ignore them or leave.