At the end of my tether

[motheranydistance]

My mother is a great person, with a friendly personality and strong will. And at the same time, I feel myself going crazy putting up with being at the receiving end of her frustration and sharp tongue constantly. Today was supposed to be my birthday and she spent the whole evening shouting at me. Most days it feels like I have two children as she acts like one so often. Trying to distance myself from her only seems to worsen the arguing, attempting to do activities with her just leads to criticism and disagreements. I am at my wits end with it all.

Establish boundaries. Grey rock. Every time she acts out restate your boundaries and if she’s unable to respect them, leave. Don’t threaten and not follow through. She does it because she can…

What does attempting to distance yourself look like. I agree with the pp that boundaries are so important. be prepared to follow through with consequences for her not respecting your boundaries too (eg telling her to leave your house if she’s shouting at you, hanging up on her if she’s being rude etc).

I once blocked communication with my mum on everything for 6 weeks. Since that she hasn’t ever crossed boundaries as badly as she used to. I still occasionally lower contact if she starts acting negatively.

How is she a great person if she spent your birthday ( it wasn’t ‘supposed’ to be your birthday,, it was your birthday) shouting at you, and behaves like a child?

Reduce contact. Don’t respond to her mind games, get some counselling if necessary to get the relationship under control.

Stand up, say 'You're obviously not in the mood for company right now so I'll be off', put your coat on and leave. Every time. And switch your phone off, do not take her calls until the next day.

^This.

No matter how much you love and care for her @motheranydistance, if your mother has always been this way, then she's unlikely to change her behaviour going forward. This leaves it up to you to create change by altering your own behaviour and reducing the contact you have with her.

Perhaps you can try sticking to less direct communication, such as written messages rather than in-person meetings or phone calls, and with less frequency.

Belated happy birthday wishes