To have had enough

[SteelAspidistra]

I work in a tough job that is pretty relentless but have had this week off for half term. During this week we have done literally nothing. My eldest DD is revising for year 10 mocks and refuses to leave her books for any time at all (I have spoken at length to her about work/life balance etc but she won't hear it). My DH has absolutely no get up and go, no imagination at all and so if I don't organise it, it doesn't happen. I haven't organised anything this week, partly due to my daughter and partly because I can't be arsed to constantly be the planner at work and at home. I've had enough!
Our marriage has been long and on the surface would appear good but in reality, there's not much there. We have no intimacy at all- not so much as a cuddle and haven't had sex in two years.

I just feel like I'm waiting for Monday to go back to work and start all over again with all the inevitable stress and exhaustion that brings. There is nothing to look forward to. I am feeling so low and like there's just no point to any of it. Working my arse off for what?? A crappy existence of doing nothing except moping about the house. I feel unloved, unvalued. I have few friends to rely on and no social life at all. I'm done. AIBU to feel fed up or should I just get a grip and paint on a smile?

This will sound really stupid, but do you have a garden? I'm not in the same position as you at all but life is chaotic here, DH has a ridiculously time consuming and full on job & it's hard even with a willing DH to carve out much time for social activities. We too have exam years teens and a younger sibling.

Getting outside in the garden even for half an hour is really therapeutic - and I always have a sense of having achieved something. I know it sounds a bit batshit but there's joy in nurturing a few plants who don't give you grief & it gives your mind a break.

Of course, taking younger DC out for a walk or to the park would also be better than sitting around the house - anything - bake biscuits / play cards etc etc - you may feel a better about yourself & more able to tackle the bigger problem which is obviously your relationship and lack of social life / lack of time.

Actually, it doesn't really matter what you do, but you will feel better if you do something. Small things can be tremendously empowering. I know you say that you are fed up of being the instigator - but in the end we are all responsible for our own happiness - no-one can do this for you OP. Is your DH aware of the problem? Would he be willing to do counselling?

You sound tired and extremely fed up but your choice is to stay in this negative feedback loop or to start making some changes. Start with yourself. Figure out what you want to do outside of this job, figure out if you'd be happier outside this marriage or not. There is always a way - and remember this period will not last forever. There is time. You can make time - start small. You say you can't leave DD - but you can leave her for an hour. You can still support her even if she's not doing things the way you would like, or think is best.

You are making excuses when you should be making plans. So your DH doesn't want to go out , neither does eldest DD so you crack on and go out with younger DD.
Friends don't just fall in your lap, do something that interests you and you will find like minded people to talk to. You may find time away from each other gives a new dimension to your relationship. You will have something to be enthusiastic about and it may give him a push to do likewise