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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about child savings?

138 replies

pinkunicorns54 · 02/06/2022 18:02

Happy to be told I am being unreasonable just need some perspective!

We currently have a junior ISA set up for our toddler. Saving roughly £80pm - I suddenly have a sudden thought of if we are able to do this until they are 18, there will be a fair whack in there - I'm nervous about them having access to this when they are 18 and maybe not have the maturity to know how to manage this!

My DH thinks that we will be ok just instilling financial education into them when they are growing up and if they do decide to blow it on things I wouldn't want them to - then we just need to suck it up as it will be there's...

I'm of the view that we save in our names, so we have more control over it...

YABU - leave it in their name

YANBU - save it in yours!

Happy for anecdotes from people who have done similar / have grown up children!

OP posts:
Kreature69 · 02/06/2022 19:41

Curiosity101 · 02/06/2022 19:21

We save half into an account in DCs name and half into an account under our name. If they decide to put 'their' money towards something sensible then we will match it... Effectively halving the cost to them. If they decide to fritter their money away or spend it on things we don't approve of then we'll either keep the second half until they're older and need it for something specific, or if they never get to that point then I guess we'll eventually spend it ourselves.

This is what I am doing!

florianfortescue · 02/06/2022 19:44

I do £25 a month per child into a JISA and a larger amount into a S&S ISA in my name for uni fees/house deposit only. I could not have been trusted with a large amount myself at 18 so I want to ensure it is protected for my DC.

almostmummyof2 · 02/06/2022 19:47

From experience of getting money when I was younger like this... I spent it on weed mostly!! Save it in your name 😂😅

PicturesOfLily · 02/06/2022 19:50

My dds have a fairly small amount in a junior stocks and shares ISA each which they will get at 18. It will hopefully be enough for a basic second-hand car by then or towards travel if that’s what they want to do. DH and I will save separately in our names to try and give them a hand with a house deposit later on but I don’t want them to have access to a large sum at 18 because that will be all there is. My parents saved less than 1k for me as they didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up but they were much better off by the time I was 18 so they paid my (£1k p.a.) uni fees and helped with living costs plus got me a second-hand car and gave me some money towards a wedding later so I definitely got a lot of help but also appreciated it too.

Thatboymum · 02/06/2022 19:55

At 18 you shouldn’t really have or want any control over them it’s their life their choice but if it bothers you that much why not put a smaller amount in the isa and the rest in one in your name. I do think yabu tho

Ponderingwindow · 02/06/2022 19:59

We save money for our child in an educational trust. There is no option to go crazy with the funds.

BenchOfCompany · 02/06/2022 20:01

There have been lots of threads about almost 18 year olds knowing they have Child Trust Funds with thousands in and parents posting on here asking if there is any way to stop them getting it as they are not sensible with money. The parents, grandparents etc pay into these accounts and the parent then has no control over how it is spent by the 18 year old.

I have friends who drilled financial responsibility into their children who are now late 20s, one can manage money the other two blow it. Dh is a saver like me, his sister is not, borrows money till pay day from her Dad. They had the same upbringing, very responsible parents and yet she burns through money and really has nothing to show for it.

Ds1 is 19, he got his CTF money but it was just the original cheque paid in and nothing else so he got over £1k, we saved in a separate account that we had control of. At 18 it did not revert to him due to the way it was set up with the bank. If you want to be able to control it, set it up under your name.

Pallisers · 02/06/2022 20:02

At 18 you shouldn’t really have or want any control over them it’s their life their choice

My youngest is 20 and I certainly didn't go hands-off when any of them turned 18. My parenting was never about control (seems a weird thought to me) but about helping them to grow up into decent adults with as good a start as I could give them. I think saying "your life your choice" to an 18 year old and feeling your job is done now is lazy tbh

WeAllHaveWings · 02/06/2022 20:04

Ds(18) got a fair whack (to us) 6 months ago. He has put £4k into a LISA for a house deposit and plans to put the same in each year while he is at uni for the next 5 years to make the most of the government contributions. He knows and appreciates this money will be a one off from us so values it as something for his future after uni and not to fritter away.

He is working PT and that gets him around £120-£150/week which he is using for spending /saving for uni.

The important thing is to teach dc the value of money and what managing money can do for you from an early age and most will be OK getting a chunk at 18. Obviously there will always be stories where some blow the lot, and you'll never know if that will be your dc, but I think IME that is the minority so low risk (and I am quite risk adverse).

Mally100 · 02/06/2022 20:10

Yanbu. We are doing this as well. We can educate dc as much as we want but at 18 he's still a teenager with zero concept of financial maturity at that age. I know of too many situations where the kids just wasted through the money.

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 02/06/2022 20:13

I saved £50 a month in a unit trust for both my children. DD had £40000 in it, and when her salary was large enough to buy a house, she bought a house at 23.

DS is now 21 and still has his in savings, but he will use it as a house deposit when the time comes.

I think it's a lottery whether they are good with money or not - although having good 'role models' may play a part. We all know adults who spend money as soon they get it - I'm not like that and that may have rubbed off.

Maggiethecat · 02/06/2022 20:21

Youseethethingis1 · 02/06/2022 19:20

DS has a Stocks and Shares JISA with a few K in, won't be adding much more to it in case he's an idiot at 18 but it will still be a decent amount for him to either be sensible with or not when the time comes.
Seriously considering starting a small pension for him, which he obviously won't be able to touch for a long time. Just as an ongoing lesson in compound interest and the benefits of saving small amounts over a long time. I figure even if he's an idiot at 18, when he's sensible again by 25, say, (hopefully!) he can start making his own small contributions.
Other than that, saving in my name and will help him if and when he deserves or needs it.
Hoping the government don't find a way to tax it off me, avoid an expensive divorce, bankruptcy, all manner of life disasters that may drain my savings I suppose. But at least something will be in his name so all bases covered.

@Youseethethingis1 - I’ve been talking to my girls about saving into a pension from now (they’re older teens) at which they scoff - far too young for that!

I’m thinking I’ll go ahead anyway for the reasons of compound interest and hoping eventually they’ll ‘get it’ and start contributing.

Is there the chance though of tax issues unwittingly arising if contribution limits are exceeded?

itwasntmetho · 02/06/2022 20:33

I save in my name, I would want to access the money if he has a nice opportunity that I couldn't afford, like school trips, or if he ever fell behind at school and needed tutoring or needed urgent health care that I felt couldn't wait.

Saying that I don't save as much as you, I'm hoping that when he's off hand and I'm not paying for him any more that I could then afford to help him financially through his life rather than be able to have a lump sum at the beginning of his adulthood.

Sortilege · 02/06/2022 20:37

There was one small account for each of elder two that I genuinely forgot to tell them about until recently (early 20s). So you always have the option of not mentioning the account until they are a bit older. Not sure of that work withh to junior ISAs, though.

dillydally24 · 02/06/2022 20:40

daffodilandtulip · 02/06/2022 19:24

Just because they CAN access it at 18, doesn't mean you have to give it to them then, does it? Couldn't you just not tell them it exists until they're like 21?

The ISA provider will start writing to them, not you, so unless you hide their post, then they'll find out about it.

ScootsMcHoy · 02/06/2022 20:47

My dd is 18 now and one of the dc that got the child trust fund. Without exception, every one of my friends who added to the CTF in a significant way regrets it.

And the eighteen year olds are perfectly nice and civilised people. They just haven't a clue about getting a big pile of money. None of them are thinking ' oh that will help me with a house deposit'.

It hasn't helped that it's so difficult to get driving tests and lessons.

Discovereads · 02/06/2022 20:50

Children get access to junior ISAs at age 16, not 18.

IDontDrinkTea · 02/06/2022 20:56

I was given a savings account at 18 - I spent it on a car (cost about £3k so not the big amounts like others in this thread). But it was drilled into me from the beginning that it was for a car. I have done the same for my children, and it will be very clear I have saved enough for a house deposit and that’s what I expect it to be spent on. The account is in their names as I wouldn’t want the money to be taken into account should I ever end up divorced. I’m not anticipating it but you never know what the future brings

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/06/2022 20:57

Absolutely NO chance I’d save in my children’s names. It’s highly risky. You can install all the values you like but one abusive relationship and all your careful savings are gone. Don’t do it.

Sheilaroundthefountain · 02/06/2022 21:02

My children have a trust set up by my parents.

it’s a lot of money - currently £1.7 million between all grandchildren.

My children are the oldest grandchildren aged 23 and 21 and don’t know anything about this money. I’m not sure when they’ll be given it, but my dad asked me when I thought was a good age and I said 35. My dad was quite shocked, but I had my reasons.

Firstly I want them to develop a proper work ethic. My eldest has almost saved up a flat deposit. She’s really proud that she’s done this , and I’m proud of her. I think this should be money for her second or third home.

I’d hope that they’re both settled or settling down by this age. They’re both single right now.

Hopefully they’ll both have a better idea of the value of money. The amount of clothes they buy and then give to the charity shop with the labels on horrifies me! They say Vinted is too much effort

I’m not patronising them, but they’re just young girls. They’ve had a normal upbringing. My parents are wealthy, but they’re self made, and when I was growing up, their money was being ploughed back into the business, so I wasn’t brought up in a wealthy house, although it was a fantastic house!

I know to a lot of people on here £400k isn’t a fortune, but it would be to my daughters. They stand to inherit a lot more in the future but I hope that’s a long long way off.

People will probably disagree with me, but it’s not my money it’s my parents, and if they’ve listened to me, that’s good, and if they haven’t that’s fine too, as it’s between them and their grandchildren.

lenaperkins · 02/06/2022 21:03

Save it in you name.

My friend did an ISA for her daughter thinking she'd use it for uni or a deposit. Daughter spent it on tattoos, weed and got an unsuitable boyfriend.

Hollipolly · 02/06/2022 21:04

GallstoneGlory · 02/06/2022 18:46

Save it in their name but don't tell them?

My thoughts too!

TitInATrance · 02/06/2022 21:05

I saved for DC in their names but with me as trustee. They are now grown up and spent most of it (as allowed by me) but the building society continue to write to me and I still have control of the accounts.

Annfr · 02/06/2022 21:10

We're doing both.

But also... they only know about it if you tell them 🤷‍♂️ The bulk of our daughter's savings for house deposit etc will be in our name so it can be used for that reason etc.

Annfr · 02/06/2022 21:16

Sheilaroundthefountain · 02/06/2022 21:02

My children have a trust set up by my parents.

it’s a lot of money - currently £1.7 million between all grandchildren.

My children are the oldest grandchildren aged 23 and 21 and don’t know anything about this money. I’m not sure when they’ll be given it, but my dad asked me when I thought was a good age and I said 35. My dad was quite shocked, but I had my reasons.

Firstly I want them to develop a proper work ethic. My eldest has almost saved up a flat deposit. She’s really proud that she’s done this , and I’m proud of her. I think this should be money for her second or third home.

I’d hope that they’re both settled or settling down by this age. They’re both single right now.

Hopefully they’ll both have a better idea of the value of money. The amount of clothes they buy and then give to the charity shop with the labels on horrifies me! They say Vinted is too much effort

I’m not patronising them, but they’re just young girls. They’ve had a normal upbringing. My parents are wealthy, but they’re self made, and when I was growing up, their money was being ploughed back into the business, so I wasn’t brought up in a wealthy house, although it was a fantastic house!

I know to a lot of people on here £400k isn’t a fortune, but it would be to my daughters. They stand to inherit a lot more in the future but I hope that’s a long long way off.

People will probably disagree with me, but it’s not my money it’s my parents, and if they’ve listened to me, that’s good, and if they haven’t that’s fine too, as it’s between them and their grandchildren.

Couldn't agree with this more!!

I've been extremely "lucky" and had the majority of the money for my 1st flat from the life insurance payout my Mum saved for me when my Dad died when I was really young. She could have spent it but was always really careful and saved it for me. I didn't know about it until I was 25-ish? And in the stage to be ready to looking to buy.

Because of the delay in me knowing it didn't change my work ethic (I'm self employed and never stop) or my route in life as I'd been through university.