To ask if you got anxious over baby milestones?

[Themidnightpig]

Everyone always tells me to relax and ignore the books, my baby hasn't read them and will do things at her own pace. But I just can't relax! I'm constantly googling what she should be doing and worrying about things she isnt.

She is a happy little thing, unimaginably cute (I know I'm biased 🙄), eats and sleeps well (currently anyway...)etc. I should just be enjoying her right?

How do you switch off the milestone anxiety?

Yes I was anxious - about most things really (pnd and postnatal anxiety). I still am and DD is coming up to 2, but it’s definitely a lot less than it was. I stopped following a LOT of accounts on Facebook, use social media a lot less, stopped googling the milestones and honestly the busier and more full on she gets I have less time to focus on the little micro things I was hung up on (I remember crying over the fact she could roll back to front but not front to back and what that might mean! I don’t think she ever actually did manage to roll front to back, but she started crawling and then walking instead so presumably she was fine. Pretty sure she can do it now anyway).

Also we go to quite a lot of toddler groups and stuff and I just notice the wide range now.

Yes, I did with my first but much less my second.

I also think it’s important to be careful when googling because I found that a lot of stuff on the internet about milestones is just plain wrong. For example, with my first, I found something online that said you should see a paediatrician if your baby isn’t clapping and waving by 9 months. My baby wasn’t doing those things by that age and I got really, really anxious about it. I can’t remember when he started clapping and waving, but it was significantly after 9 months. He’s now 3 and there are zero concerns about his development. (I wonder if the site I found was from a country like the US with private healthcare where they want to scare people into seeking healthcare for money?)

I reminded myself that in no job interview have I ever been asked at what age did I start walking.
joking aside my DD is 2 and she was ‘late’ on pretty much everything but she’s a very happy healthy little girl and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. They are just guidelines just relax and enjoy because with every milestone that comes they get that little bit bigger and older and they’ll be big before we know it

It's absolute bollocks. My DS was a high risk, premmy angel and I never took any notice of all that stuff, he was probably as late as it goes with milestones but trust me he's the smartest kid in his class now.

What level of anxiety do you mean though? Anxious that at 6 months + 1 day she hasn't done something she "should" have done by 6 months? Or do you mean more delayed than that eg worrying at 12 months that she hadn't done something most children did at 6 months?

DS1 was behind on every single milestone. At almost 3 he could hardly put two words together, then almost overnight he was having conversations. Same with his walking, he never crawled, shuffled or even attempted to move anywhere, one day he just stood up and was walking.

We used to joke that he must practice milestones while we sleep! I was anxious, I watched the other children at playgroup develop so much faster.

He's in secondary school now and is doing really well.

my DS1 did this as well. It’s like he waited until he was sure of himself before speaking.

My 1st walked confidently at 10months, my last is 14 months and just starting a few wobbly steps

My middle didn't even say mama at 22 months, but started talking in sentences at just after 2

It's a good idea to have a vague idea of the milestones as early intervention can often help BUT there really is a massive range of variation and all kids are different, it's hard to appreciate it with your first

Yes I did worry with two and three as number one has severe learning disabilities and severe autism. I didn’t enjoy the younger two at all as it was a constant worry.

The reason we can sometimes get worked up about milestones is because we have this skewed view that babies meeting or not meeting milestones is somehow a reflection on us as a parent.

Reality is, majority of the time there is nothing we can do about it and they all get there in their own time.

It's pointless telling you not to compare with other babies because everyone does it anyway. I think your perception changes a bit though once you have more than one child and you don't sweat the small stuff as much.

I've often thought this about US based parenting sites too. I've seen people recommend a pediatrician or physio visit for babies not crawling at 8 months, I can only imagine the eye roll I'd get if I called my HV out for that.

Yes a bit, but she was premature, was subjected to neglect before birth and drugs/alcohol. So it does make you more nervous as there could be things like FASD that just won’t be apparent yet. If she does have FASD or anything else thats fine, but we would like to have the luxury of knowing now, not in two or even three years time.

Life is a bell curve…some babies are early some are late and some are average…mine were all different when it came to crawling/standing/jumping and toilet training…I guess I wasn’t worried as they seemed to be thriving and happy