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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not putting my baby to bed

17 replies

Newmama93 · 02/06/2022 10:57

AIBU to have DH do bedtime even though my son wants me? He sometimes will cry out “mama” “mama” if he doesn’t settle within 5ish minutes I usually go in and take over from DH, but I have let him cry with DH for up to 15/20 mins. He’s being comforted and rocked by his dad. I put him to sleep everyday morning and lunch nap and it’s my little break to have a shower, get in pjs and have my only me time. DH doesn’t get home until about an hour before bedtime, my sons been breastfeeding like a newborn lately and I’m just feeling so burnt out that time when my husband puts him to bed I really really enjoy. A part of my has been feeling really guilty though like I should be doing it if my baby wants me? And it’s a bit selfish of me. Do I just suck it up and do bedtimes every night? I’m starting a night job twice a week so I also wanted him to get used to it. Please note he is being comforted the whole time by his dad.

OP posts:
Mummumtum · 02/06/2022 10:58

YANBU, he’ll get used to it

Mummumtum · 02/06/2022 10:59

Also, stop going in and taking over

Fireyflies · 02/06/2022 11:01

He's only going to get used to it by letting it happen. Try getting yourself a far away as possible - my DS used to cry when I left for work but apparently gave up and decided his dad would have to do for the day as soon as I was out of sight. It'll bother you less too if you can't hear it.

Original poster
Newmama93 · 02/06/2022 11:04

Should I just let him go for as long as it takes even if he gets really worked up? He’s gotten hysterical a few times but I’m just so dam tired. It also takes me up to 50 mins as he just suckles and suckles

OP posts:
Fireyflies · 02/06/2022 11:17

How old is he? Would be take a bottle if he likes to suckle off to sleep?

Mally100 · 02/06/2022 11:29

Seems like you should think of moving him to bottles and make your life easier. We did this, my ds screamed for me only. It got to such a point of frustration that I eventually let my ds cry it out with his dad. I think for a few nights he cried up to an hour. I felt terrible but it needed to be done. I had to go away a few weeks after that and my ds was completely fine with his dad by then. You need to leave his dad to deal with his, your ds needs to learn to be comforted by dad. Don't go in.

JenniferBarkley · 02/06/2022 11:39

How old is he? I think with the little breastfed ones that sometimes feeding them to sleep is the only/easiest way unfortunately. If he's a bit bigger then absolutely persevere, it's so important that both parents can do bedtime.

Mariposista · 02/06/2022 11:50

No. Then more you give him what he wants, the more he will want it. He needs to learn to settle for either you or dad.

SmallDucks · 02/06/2022 11:52

Up to 50 minutes even with you?

Sounds like he needs some naps jiggled around because he isn't tired.

Original poster
Newmama93 · 02/06/2022 21:27

He’s 14 months old

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 02/06/2022 21:32

I think consistency is the most important thing here, whatever you decide. So if dad is doing bedtime then keep out of it altogether. Your son will accept it more quickly than if you sometimes take over and sometimes don't. Also if you do bedtime some nights then don't breastfeed. Keep the breast feeding separate from bedtime by doing it downstairs before the rest of the routine.

Giraffesandbottoms · 02/06/2022 21:41

Ah I did this a few times. I understand. In the end I just accepted I felt worse when Dh tried and he cried for me so I ended up being a dreaded MN martyr and doing it all, because that’s what felt right for me. If you’re feeling guilty You might just need to accept that your guilt is more powerful than your annoyance and power through. Or try the Jay Gordon method so you’re at least cuddling him but weaning? Then you’re the one actually cuddling him not DH

Fupoffyagrasshole · 02/06/2022 21:49

yeah I’d just leave it ! My husband does half the bedtimes with our 14 month old! She used to get so upset looking for me but now she doesn’t even care about which of us puts her down

we did a bit of leaving her to cry for short periods and going in to comfort her but never taking her out of the cot and now she goes asleep within 10mins.

takeasadsongandmakeitbetter · 02/06/2022 21:50

My eldest is 4 and still cries for me at bedtime about 50% of the time, and it drives his dad crazy. We have an 11 week old so sometimes I just can't go. I wish we had stuck to dad for bedtime sooner, he is still so dependent on me as also always did every sleep time etc.

In the long run he will get used to it. Obviously if he's unwell or hysterical you can make an exception but really try- you need the time to yourself, motherhood is tough!

birdglasspen · 02/06/2022 21:53

Let dad do it and don’t go in. Bf before bedtime maybe an hour before then bed.

Fireyflies · 02/06/2022 22:21

At 14 months you might be best to drop the bf at bedtime altogether. Allows you to brush teeth before bed and also makes it easier to switch between parents putting to bed on different nights as the child learns to settle without feeding off to sleep. You don't really want to introduce a bottle for the first time at that age. Give some sort of milk or snack before bed routine to make sure he's not at all hungry.

Original poster
Newmama93 · 02/06/2022 23:31

I try to not breastfeed but he screams bloody murder until I do. He is very obsessed with breastfeeding still. I’d love to wean but always give in as it’s so much of a hassle to say no. He’s a very determined little boy already!

Thanks everyone - I think I’ll let DH keep at bedtime.

OP posts:
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