Am struggling to get over this ... AIBU

[annualreport]

Partner had an acute psychotic episode who'll very unwell. He was in hospital and had high doses of a drug known to cause temporary psychosis. He behaved in a very strange way and the medical team were concerned about him at that time.

He came out of it and swears to this day that everything that happened through that episode was absolutely real to him. He was upset and embarrassed but reassured by medical staff that the effects of this drug were well documented and will not likely happen again. It was a scary time as his actions were nothing like that of him as a man, usually.

One thing he did do through this episode , which lasted a full day , was to contact his ex partner via message.

He has no recollection whatsoever of sending the messages at that time but showed me the messages when I confronted him afterwards. He was devastated. Crying , confused and begging for forgiveness. He was disgusted with himself for making contact after so many years and was really wondering if he had lost his mind. Medical staff reassured him so he felt somewhat better that it was a one off.

The messages were innocent , general chit chat , told her about me and that he was happy, asking for her family etc. Nothing sinister. At the end he said , as a sign off, maybe we'll meet for a coffee some day , take care.... it was through a mutual contact that I heard this.

We talked all about this and I believe that he had no intention of ever contacting her , in view of the rest of his behaviour through those hours. He had no intention of ever meeting her again and they ended very badly years ago and had no contact since.
Now that life is retuning to normal, I am struggling with this.
My struggle is that through that episode , he contacted her. Full stop.

He was contacting me all that day and it was me who contacted his medical team with my concerns at how off the wall he seemed and out of character .

We have a lovely weekend away planned this weekend. He is still not fully better. In fact our time is limited due to his illness.
Do I let this go or tell him I'm struggling .
I still feel so hurt .

I think people are being harsh because her concern isn't about whether her DP will be ok or how to reassure him or how to stop worrying that it will happen again. It's all about her feelings about an innocent exchange with an ex while he was in the midst of a psychotic episode. It just seems a strange part of the whole thing to be so fixated on. Especially because despite losing all control, it was a very normal conversation.

@starlingdarling my concerns have been completely fixed on his health for the last few months but this post is about something different. This is a post about how it affected me .
I have been absolutely devastated to have to come to terms with this diagnosis and at that time , we discussed it, moved on and it hasn't been mentioned between us since. I am his main carer .
I am not an expert in mental illness or how the mind processes . I needed to let it out here to ask whether I was indeed being unreasonable . Clearly I am . But selfish, I am not .
He is my main concern but it did hurt me and really surprised me at that time. It is only now I'm processing g the last few months, some now the acute stage of his illness is over and he is now waiting to see how life will unfold fior him medically , I am dealing with the whole thing retrospectively .

It must have been very hurtful especially as his ‘reality’ at the time wasn’t yours.

It is usually harder for the family members and it’s easy to say to put it behind you but it isn’t always possible. People say and do some incredibly upsetting and hurtful things while psychotic. The person gets better but the people around them are left hurt and confused.

Would you consider counselling, not just for this but for how his ill health (mental and physical) has affected you?

but we're a few years down the line now and we are solid

But you - as in you, the OP - aren't that solid if this message has thrown you so badly. His brain wasn't functioning normally. The message, which was completely innocent, in no way meant that he was still hankering after his ex. But yet it's consuming you. Yes you need to let it go, but you also need to reflect on how you feel in the relationship. Are you - again, you, OP - as solid as you say you are?

He needs you, and you say you don't have as much time left as you might have expected. If you want to be with him, make sure you're straight in your own head about how you feel.

but showed me the messages when I confronted him afterwards. He was devastated. Crying , confused and begging for forgiveness. He was disgusted with himself for making contact after so many years

It's not fair to 'confront' him and make him feel disgusted with himself and have to cry and beg forgiveness. You're making this all about you.

This post is about me yes@Gymnopedie . The illness/ situation is all about him.
He contacted an abusive ex after years of being apart. I have no experience in r knowledge surrounding brain injury or illness.
We are solid so the last thing I thought he would ever do is contact her again after what he went through.
I see that I need to let this go but surely you can understand that as someone who is ultimately ignorant in these matters-of the brain, that being hurt and shocked was a normal reaction at that time. I didn't and will probably never understand psychosis .
Since it has all settled down and we re beginning to accept the change n our lives, it has hit me harder than I thought.
Is that really so
Unreasonable to have wanted an alternative anonymous opinion ???

That sounds incredibly frightening for both of you. What was the drug that causes the psychosis?

I see where you are coming from, it would hurt me too. But I would let it go considering the circumstances.

Methylpred IV 1g over 20 mins x 4 doses. One daily.

My exhusband was given morphine, in hospital, for an episode of pancreatitus. He repeatedly called his new wife by my name. Her parents came and he explained that the episode had started whilst he was having lunch with me and my parents. We had been divorced for years and he hadn't seen my parents for at least 8 years. The mind is a weird thing Op.