Should I just let this go? WWYD?

[Kapalika]

It's a very long story, but the upshot is about 4 years before my father died he decided to change a part of his Will to exclude me.

My siblings and I are British born and bred. My father was from Montenegro, as is my mother.
He decided to exclude me from a part of land, because I'm female. His words to me were ‘would you mind if I changed that part of my will, so that the land goes to only your brothers? Because you're a woman and I'm worried about how it would look if I shared it equally. You've married an English man and I wish to carry the name on.’
My response was ‘dad, that's fine. It's your land’

Moving forward, I'm pretty pissed off. The land isn't worth much but might benefit my children and grandchildren.
My younger brother said he's absolutely happy to share his bit, but my older brother has told me he won't because he doesn't like me much and also he doesn't want my BIL to get any of it. My older brother has 2 daughters. Go figure...

I just feel it's an injustice. My mother is gutted and angry but seems to worship my older brother, who has treated her abysmally.
It's the principle?

You are being a bit unreasonable, but only because the time to say something would have been when your dad asked you for your views, not after his death.

My response was ‘dad, that's fine. It's your land’

Moving forward, I'm pretty pissed off.

It is an injustice, because not leaving it to you because you’re female is ridiculous, but it’s an injustice you apparently signed up for. Why didn’t you make it clear to your father how you felt? You can’t really expect subsequent owners (even if they’re your brothers) to give you ownership - you had the chance as your dad asked in good faith if you’d mind.

You told him to go ahead, but now you’re unhappy. YABU

You told him it was fine. Leave it

I can understand thinking and feeling one way and then your perspective shifting. My father once asked my forgiveness and I freely gave it, and only later did i realise the full impact of his mistake on me and my life. But you are now subject to the kindness or not of your brothers as to whether you get the land. Whether that happens or not, i totally get that you're now angry.

Yeah. It's sexist bullshit that you went along with for some reason. If one brother wants to share, that's up to him, but given you agreed it is hard to see how any of your brothers could or should be made to share.

Sorry, it's shit.

YABU because he raised it with you and you said it was fine. That was when you should have told him how you felt.

You’re not unreasonable to expect a share, being denied one because you’re female would have me seething.

But you are unreasonable to bring it up now, the time to say your piece was when your Dad was alive to argue with. He’s the one who treated you in that manner, he (in my mind) is the one you should be pissed off at. Not your brothers.

YANBU to feel pissed off - feelings and realisation evolve over time.
YABU to be annoyed with your elder brother - he doesn’t want to share with you because he doesn’t like you, nothing to do with you being female and the irony of him having daughters. Unless there is more to it.

YABU as you didn't speak up when asked.

But if your younger brother is willing to share then share his bit between you. I don't think you can force your older brother and if he has daughters only then he will later regret his decision. Leave that be though, make your peace with it and move on

It's his choice. I don't see what you expect to come of this. I'm not saying I agree with it but it's his will his choice

I agree with PP, you said it was fine to remove remove you from inheriting the land and presumably understood the consequences of that. Accept the youngest brothers offer if you want to buy I would let it go otherwise. It's a horrible stance your father had and extremely outdated by UK standards (I'm not familiar with Montenegro) but it's done now and now you can do it differently from those that will inherit from you.

If the land isn't even worth that much how would it actually really benefit multiple children and grandchildren? I can also understand than your eldest brother wants to do the same for his children and was fortunate enough to inherit, you can't really blame him under these circumstances.

This didn’t come out the blue, your father even asked you if you would mind?? You can choose to start to be bitter about it if you like now greed has got the better of you but you are being totally unreasonable

Of course it’s an injustice. It’s unfair and completely irrational. Your father put you in a difficult position. What were you supposed to say to a dying parent? Bloody hell. I agree there isn’t much you can do now. The fallout probably wouldn’t be worth it.

This. Let it go, forget about it, it’s too late now.

Oops sorry. I assumed he was dying when he asked.

Still, my opinion is the same.

But you told your dad you were fine with it? And now you're not? You haven't got a leg to stand on. You should have said something at the time!

Yabvu, he told you and you agreed to it. End of. You can't go around fighting with people now because you didn't speak up then. And your mother is out of order getting involved when this was decided between you and your Df. She should not be going around guiltiling your db's for what was left to them.

You’re unreasonable because the time to raise this was with your dad when he gave you the option.

It’s no good changing your mind now, you had a perfect opportunity to solve this and unfortunately you’ve now missed it.

I completely agree it’s sexist nonsense, but it’s sexist nonsense you chose to go along with at the time, you’ve unfortunately got no one to blame but yourself.

YABVU. You said it was ok and are now cross. Should’ve done something about it while you could

You need to let it go.

The important principle here is that your dad had the right to do what he wanted in his will. You don’t get to overturn that now.

I'd be letting it go because it wouldn't be worth holding onto feelings about something I could not change.

I like to live a happy, peaceful life, and holding resentment for things I can't control doesn't go with that.

Let it go? Forge your own inheritance for your children. Getting an inheritance is a real privilege. I'd accept my brother's offer too, why not?

I would take up your younger brother's offer and let go off any resentment towards your father and other brother. At least you and your younger brother have integrity, your older brother has to live with this injustice.

Roles reversed and my brother didn't get his share of the inheritance if we lived in a matriarchal society I would make sure he had his share even if it meant splitting mine.

Don't be angry with your dad, he was raised in a different time and place.