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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bullying at Work?

11 replies

Sarahbash1 · 01/06/2022 14:49

Hoping for some opinions..... Iam a nurse I received a promotion at work, the day it was announced, the lead consultant for the team (who has never really accepted me) had arranged a department meeting that I was invited to, at this meeting she introduced me to the team as been 'given' a promotion, that I was inexperienced, and sarcastically questioned what 'exactly I was going to be doing' in a role that was already established. She continued with looking in disapproval at me and saying that I was a bit Milky. She never at all welcomed me, she never gave any support or encouragement but instead tried to highlight negativity towards me. I was mortified. Another staff member who had no experience at all in the speciality was sat next to me, she too had been promoted in her role. Her welcome was the complete opposite. She was welcomed with open arms. Now the term she used to describe me Milky, I originally thought she was having a go at my skin colour, she is of African ethnicity, and I was utterly shocked, so i researched exactly what this means, the explanations I found where ..... an incredibly attractive caucasian female, someone who gives a good supply of milk, or a tame meek person which I take out the equation as she has stated to other managers that I am apparently feisty. when questioned about this by others she said she was making a point that Iam that inexperienced that Iam hanging off my mothers breast. iam not inexperienced I have 13 years nursing experience behind me and 6 years in the speciality AIBU to take this personally? What are your opinions on what she meant by this? The psychological impact this has had on me is so bad, I have already cried a thousand tears over this, so dont feel I will be offended of your opinion. Do you think she is being racially prejudice, sexually discriminative or would you say that Iam being unreasonable and should accept my 13 years of nursing as inexperienced?

OP posts:
Watermill · 01/06/2022 15:17

YANBU I would speak to your union rep about this. Flowers

BlanketsBanned · 01/06/2022 15:19

Is miss arsehole a nurse consultant or a doctor, what a horrible way to treat staff, I would raise this with your Matron, HR and your union rep.

Sarahbash1 · 01/06/2022 15:35

She is the lead consultant for the speciality, I'm devastated, I have a great working relationship with everyone else, but for whatever reason this women has it in for me 😔

OP posts:
MelonsMelonsMelons · 01/06/2022 15:41

I’m not usually one for complaining about stuff but that’s completely inappropriate and utterly dreadful, and you should raise it.

Clarinet1 · 01/06/2022 16:19

Well you know the old joke - What’s the difference between a doctor and God? Answer - God doesn’t think He’s a doctor.
Seriously, I think you should consider some kind of grievance or getting union advice.

mrsjackrussell · 01/06/2022 16:20

This is bullying and is rife within nursing. Please raise a complaint and in the meantime keep a diary of comments they make. I know it is hard. I was a nurse and was bullied by my manager also and never complained but the situation just got worse and I eventually had to leave.

Giveitall · 01/06/2022 16:30

I was bullied in the medical arena years ago so when I encountered a bully in another job & role my goodness I nipped that in the bud with some straight talking right from the start! No way was I going to go through that again.
From then on the bully was as nice as pie & although i never trusted him again & remained circumspect but professional around him I was glad I’d put him in his place with a few very direct words.

Seize the bill by the horns , invite her into a private space & tell her how she made you feel. Pepper your conversation with the word “bully” & hope it resonates with her.

Also, I’d keep a journal from now on of what gets said & how it made you feel in case you need evidence in the future. Date your entries.
She was out of order & she needs a telling.

2022Ilovealiein · 01/06/2022 17:00

I am so sorry that you had to endure this, it is outrageous and totally unacceptable, some professional! Bullying is rife within nursing
and the NHS despite the image they like to portray of colleagues looking
out/after other colleagues. I worked for the NHS on the wards for 26 years
and finally had to leave due to almost a year of bullying from other members
of staff, and I know of many others who felt, like me, that the only option left
to them was to leave as support was non existent:(

I hope that your situation is resolved quickly and that you can enjoy your new
post, congratulations! They are very lucky to have you!

standoctor · 01/06/2022 17:05

Go straight to HR

traintraveller · 01/06/2022 17:07

That consultant is an arsehole, sadly its not uncommon. You need to take a hard approach to this IME. If you're in a union talk to them, if you're not I suggest you join one now. Speak to your manager but I find that often consultants are seen as untouchable and protected by management. If it continues I would seriously consider a grievance. I bet you're not the first she's done this to.

Sarahbash1 · 01/06/2022 19:55

Thanks for the advice everyone x

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