AIBU to think that children don't always cost less than adults on holiday?

[StrawInsteadofHay]

AIBU to think that children can sometimes cost about as much as adults?

Some of my extended family have been talking about taking a holiday together. I have no children at present. Several of my cousins who might be going have 3 children, and a few have stepchildren too. The debate is about splitting costs if we go. I'm happy to pay a bit extra if I join them but I'm not happy to cover the same share of their food as their parents. Babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers are one thing but some of the kids are 10-13 and eat far more than I do. I don't eat breakfast for a start. I don't drink alcohol. They, as kids do, want constant drinks and snacks and I can quickly see this adding up if we split food just between the adults.

I'm leaning towards passing on the holiday for various reasons but AIBU to think that sometimes children can be just as costly as adults?

My teen DD eats more than I do over a day and when we go out for meals she can manage 3 courses which I can’t so I agree with you.

Go but state firmly since you are only one person you will pay your own costs and that is it. Get a room near where they are staying. I don't know but I think a person with no children may find it a bit too much being in a holiday accommodation with multiple families and multiple children.

I agree with you totally. Kids are hard to fill at times and I wouldn’t want to be footing the bill in your shoes.

We used to do this with a big bunch of friends.
Split was:
cost per room
Food - adults count as one, kids are a half (but it pretty much stopped when the oldest kids hit 10, my 13 yr old would probably need to count as an adult these days).
Alcohol: bring your own

My teen DD eats more than I do over a day and when we go out for meals she can manage 3 courses which I can’t so I agree with you.

I'm similar. I have a somewhat too healthy appetite but I can almost never manage three courses but some of my cousins' children can do three with have room to spare. I don't mind getting them the odd ice cream or packet of sweets or other treat but I don't think it's fair to split food only by the adults when several of the kids will eat more than I do.

We made this mistake when we took DDs BF on holiday last year
DD is a tiny vegetarian who doesn’t drink alcohol. The BFs parents offered a meal contribution but as they have taken her away without being paid for meals I felt I had to say no. The BF ate far more and more expensively than I did and cost us a bloody fortune!
I didn’t mind too much though as his family do spoil her rotten (she just doesn’t cost much)

Yeah I’d only go on the basis you’re just paying for yourself and not “splitting the bill”.

Children often cost less as they don’t drink alcohol but then not all adults do either!

There needs to be a kitty and someone needs to work out a fair contribution per family. Kids shouldn’t be free.

Having said that I went away with friends when mine were tiny (2ish) and there was one other child (1). The other two couples didn’t have kids. It was one of these couples who suggested we just split the bill on the first night as the kids had shared a small margarita pizza between them and it was peanuts. Everyone seemed happy and this carried on for the week. I checked a couple of times when the bill arrived but nobody said anything.

On the last evening one couple ordered lobster, champagne cocktails, large brandies after etc. And they mentioned (drunkenly) that they resented paying for our kids and had decided to get their money’s worth on the last evening. Dicks. Never saw them again.

The debate is about splitting costs if we go. I'm happy to pay a bit extra if I join them but I'm not happy to cover the same share of their food as their parents.

What would happen if you said this to your family?

I think you're entirely right and completely reasonable in this, btw.

Just avoid the painful discussion where you'll be seen as the bad one by not going, or at least booking completely separately as PP mentioned above. (Don't let yourself be guilted into not doing that.)

DD at 6 could eat more than my DH.

Kids can be gannets! And she's notably skinnier than all her friends.

We often go out for meals with our parents and split bill but 2/3 of it is ours. A kitty for food w should be per person and may 1/2 for kids under 10. If you don't drink an alcohol kitty is probably no benefit to you.

On the last evening one couple ordered lobster, champagne cocktails, large brandies after etc. And they mentioned (drunkenly) that they resented paying for our kids and had decided to get their money’s worth on the last evening. Dicks. Never saw them again.

That was a dick move but I can sort-of see their point. That was not the way to make it, however! They may have felt that once was OK, but sharing the cost of other people's children at every meal was too much. And yet the social pressure on people not to raise the issue, because it might appear mean, is strong.

You may not have noticed because it's your child being subsidised. If you were worried about them subsidising every meal, you should have insisted that the group change the practice. It wouldn't have appeared mean coming from you, in the way it might have appeared from one of the couples without children. You say you "checked" but you should have insisted.