Dp calling relationship counsellor 'my love' during sessions

[nextone77]

In a completely platonic and friendly way. But it just feels sort of demeaning and disrespectful and it makes me cringe. Why do I feel like that? He calls people he knows 'love' all the time but that feels more affectionate and normal

She's a women obviously

I'd find it patronising. People you know is different as long as they're comfortable with it of course.

I'm sure a relationship counsellor has been called a lot worse.
I personally wouldn't like it, but I guess it shows he's comfortable with her, which is good - unless he's saying it in a demeaning/patronising way.
I'm sure she'll mention it if she doesn't like it.
If you're relationship is such that you need counselling I probably wouldn't bring it up in your shoes.

I’m sure if she feels demeaned and disrespected she’ll say something.

Very patronising. If I was the therapist I'd be bringing it up with him. And probably wondering if it was reflective of how he treats you.

It's extremely patronising. I get called my sweet, my love, darling etc.. I don't like it in general but understand it's just how some people talk. But in a professional setting I absolutely hate it, it's so rude.

I agree it's sexist and demeaning, not appropriate for a professional relationship.

Do you want to mention it in a session or leave it up to the counsellor to say something?

Patronising to whom? The therapist? Can she not speak up for herself?

I've been called love etc in many settings, no biggie. That's just how some people talk.

In fact one work colleague would call almost everyone babes - she couldn't manage, or couldn't be bothered, remembering everyone's names. I don't think anyone minded.

My dad calls everyone ‘my, love’, even males. It’s not intended to be patronising at all. I know many people who do use these sorts of words and it’s not intended that way at all.

The only person attending this counselling sessions in a professional capacity is the counsellor.

You and him do not need to abide by a professional setting rules.

But, you know him better and you may know he does use it to be patronising. It also depends on what he is actually saying at the time. ‘My love, you don’t understand the situation and your advice isn’t very good’ is very different to ‘ok, my love, I understand that and am going to try’.

The other thing to look for is he being patronising, is that what bothers you. Or are you in that stage where you are looking for things to irritated about.

I would have thought, that if she had an issue she would tell him. So maybe she views it differently to you.

She's a qualified professional in an advisory role. Who the f*ck does he think he is calling her 'love'! Patronising twat.

is he from yorkshire or nearby ,i've even heard men call other men love in the north. I've worked in lots of areas and pick up local expressions or the time, chuck,chick,duck,love, currently my go to is my lovely ...its really hard to get out of the habit of using them even though i know it can pee people off. The clue may be in that you are in relationship counselling....why don't you bring up exactly what you have said above ,in the session? sometimes we end up focussing on the nit-picky stuff rather than addressing the deep down issues that we have with our partners, it could be that you really need to get something important off your chest that you are struggling to raise/discuss.

The guy at my local coffee shop calls me darling and I fucking hate it.

I HATE IT.

Are you in the session with him? If you are then you're asking the wrong people.

Depends where you’re from I think!

it would be considered patronising on SE England as it’s not part of daily speech to call everyone “love”. But in some places it is.

Does he call everyone love? Or is it something he’s just started doing in counselling?

It's up to her to establish boundaries,keep it professional and speak up if she doesn't like it.

If she hasn't done this, she's either ok with it or not too great at keeping boundaries and you probably need a better counsellor.

If she has,but your husband won't stop,then he's a twat and I'd be wondering if he's deliberately sabotaging the process.

Perfectly normal in Yorkshire and nobody would bat an eyelid. I guess it's a regional thing.

Of course it's patronising, he wouldn't be addressing a man in such a way, would he?
You need to put him right & tell him to not say anything to women he wouldn't to men.

Can't stand it. Call him out for his sexism in the next session?

In my opinion, calling people 'my love' (or whatever regional variation) tends to be reserved for people you know really well and are affectionate towards, or people you're being friendly to but you don't know their name. A relationship counsellor doesn't really fall into either category.

Yes, I think he's being patronising. I also think it will backfire on him, as it will aid her in getting the measure of him.

I'm sure she'll say something to him if she doesn't like it.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest unless he called me hun or hunnie, then I'd set him straight.

it's sexist and demeaning, not appropriate for a professional relationship
I only agree with tbe last part.
Where I live both males and females call the opposite sex( gender, whatever) love, darling, my love etc.

Not in a professional setting such as a meeting but usually every day plesentries.
Actually the female postie said this morning 'there you go love' as she handed me the post as I got to the door same time as her. So that's a female to female exchange.

So he used it all the time and not in a demeaning way.

I use ‘Sausage’ as a term of endearment etc with folks all the time. Not patronising. It’s just a thing I do.

I think this is more a you problem than a him problem. You are wanting to present yourselves or him in a set way to this therapist and maybe you feel him using his normal greeting doesn’t go with the situation you’ve dreamt up. I feel your annoyance is misplaced.