Is grief an excuse?

[ostrichneo]

If someone has recently and suddenly been bereaved, can they be excused for lashing out and physically hurting someone?

I just want to clarify, no one has hurt me and I haven’t hurt anyone. I just know about the situation.

Both sides have told me their side of the story. The one who was hurt just wants to move on and forget. The one who hurt them is struggling with a whole host of emotions.

I just have no idea what to think or do. So far I haven’t really ‘done’ anything. Not really sure what I can do. I’m struggling to decide if grief is an excuse for their behaviour.

So, I wanted to get other’s opinions but didn’t really want to ask anyone I actually know.

YABU - grief is no excuse
YANBU - grief is/ can be an excuse

No, just no. Male violence is never okay.

The relationships and SEN make it complex and, frankly, much worse. The Dad, however grief-stricken, is in a very powerful and dominant role in that relationship. Of course the son wants to forgive. If his needs rise to the level of being a vulnerable adult (or child) it is reportable.

Because presumably the son is also bereaved and suffering.

I'd be concerned this is an extension of Dad's actual self if he's very dominant. Rather than a one-off, it's an escalation.

Like others have said it’s a reason not an excuse. When my dad died and things got on top of my I did once throw a mug at a wall. Sometimes the anger just builds up so much it needs a release but still not an excuse.

unfortunately there’s no support for people grieving, society is I’ll equipped to help with grief, traditional support networks of church , faith and family are not as involved. The things that have replaced them really aren’t up to the job.

I'm sorry you felt like this. But you must be able to see the difference between throwing a mug at a wall, and walloping a child?

He has hurt him again.

No more chances.

I need to keep the son safe.

No excuse.

Yes you do. Now it's not a one off anymore,but a pattern of behaviour. How old is the son? Young enough to need an adult guardian?

It explains it rather than excuses it

The father has now gone and the son is now with me.

The son is under 18, so yes a child.

I have told the father he needs to sort himself out. Not sure if he will. It’s bothering me that he is less remorseful this time.

If you'd said in your OP that this was a child with SEN you've have been told to make the child safe immediately, which would have been the right thing to do.

No more denial and excuses. And tell social services if you can't keep the poor love safe.

So the father was given another chance to physically assault his child with a disability?

I find the whole concept of 'excuses' rather childish and reductive. Knowing the context for a behaviour might help us understand it, how to respond to it, and whether it might happen again. But that's not the same as excusing it.