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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU?

20 replies

Changedagain8766789 · 31/05/2022 23:38

Another thread has got me thinking (cutting people out of life), it happened to me and I want to know, was I in the wrong?

Met a fellow mum overseas when our babies were young. Over a few months met up for coffee etc but did not develop a particularly close friendship. She moved back to UK. I also did. We never ever had wine nights or anything.

We kept in touch by phone and text a bit which was nice. Early on me, DH and DC2 at the time went and stayed one night with them. In bed by 10pm. We talked about meeting up again and it was always too hard but I then suggested look sod it, why don't I drive down for the night and see you? Bear in mind I had DC1 and DC4. She said no I will get the train to you - four hour trip! She said at the end of the messages, I need a "mum's night out". TBH this didn't register massively. We 100% made no specific plans, re night out or children/DH being present. In hindsight maybe I should have clarified what exactly she meant.

A few weeks before the visit I text her to make plans and said DH is at [sport he plays every week] until about 7/8ish, as [a big huge sport event, the biggest there could be in the UK] is on that night why don't I pay for you to get a taxi to me from the station (i.e. rather than ship the kids to the station, think she got in about 6ish) and we have wine and takeaway at mine? She went mental, said she was really looking forward to a night out on the town, she couldn't face another children's bedtime bedtime (she had DC4), why can't DH miss sport that day, she was going to cancel. I was so surprised, largely because we had never ever talked about drinking or going out clubbing generally so her reaction stunned me. I replied and said I thought maybe we would be going for dinner and drinks but we hadn't made any plans at all, that I just thought wine and takeaway would be easier with the [big sport event], I hadn't been "out on the town" for years and so it wouldn't be my thing anyway (I just don't like it and I don't even drink now, I lived semi rurally at the time so not London or anywhere exciting). I pointed out that I had offered to drive to her and said I wasn't bothered what we did - I just wanted to see her, which I thought was the point? She said, let's put it off until after the summer when your DH doesn't do sport anymore. I never heard from her again.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Changedagain8766789 · 31/05/2022 23:42

Should have added, she was also annoyed the train journey was long, which I was grateful for and why I pointed out that I was willing to drive to her.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 31/05/2022 23:42

Whilst a night out on the town is my idea of hell, her saying that she really needed a night out did rather suggest she thought you wouldn't be staying in with a takeaway and the children.

Kite22 · 01/06/2022 00:01

What @nocoolnamesleft said.
"A Mum's night out" is pretty clear.

Tothemoonandbackx · 01/06/2022 00:05

How could you NOT get that from what she put!?!?!? Mums night OUT doesn't equate to staying IN with the kids with a takeaway and a bottle of wine 🤨🤨

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 01/06/2022 00:07

The phrase A mums night out is clear.
However….what a massively weird over reaction.

Changedagain8766789 · 01/06/2022 00:09

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 01/06/2022 00:07

The phrase A mums night out is clear.
However….what a massively weird over reaction.

Thanks - will cling to that lol. I hope my post was clear, it's not so much the going out more that takeaway suggestion was due to the sport event and stuff. But I guess I thought dinner and drinks was going out. But I will suck up my fate and accept I was in the wrong💐

OP posts:
WildCoasts · 01/06/2022 00:16

I think Mum's night out was clear that she wanted to go out. But she could have just clarified that without getting angry and cutting contact.

Hunderland · 01/06/2022 00:27

I'm not surprised you never heard from her again!

Figstar4eva · 01/06/2022 00:54

Mum's night out is pretty clear cut.

EmmiJay · 01/06/2022 01:05

I cackled because I'd think 'mum's night out' meant dinner and drinks also. Do people still rave it up?! I thought it was all bars and home for uber eats these days 😬

Changedagain8766789 · 01/06/2022 01:09

EmmiJay · 01/06/2022 01:05

I cackled because I'd think 'mum's night out' meant dinner and drinks also. Do people still rave it up?! I thought it was all bars and home for uber eats these days 😬

OMG thank you - me too! 😭I am nearly 40 😂

OP posts:
WildCoasts · 01/06/2022 01:10

For me, Mum's night out would probably mean going out to dinner and a movie.

Changedagain8766789 · 01/06/2022 01:11

@WildCoasts and @EmmiJay are my saviours.

OP posts:
SnowyPetals · 01/06/2022 01:13

What an odd reaction from her. It's just a mis-communication about expectations. Easily sorted without all the drama.

EmmiJay · 01/06/2022 01:13

☺️ I'm 37 so this totally makes sense!

YerAWizardHarry · 01/06/2022 01:16

Why do you keep clinging to the idea of dinner and drinks? you offered her a takeaway and a bottle of wine, they’re not the same thing

Changedagain8766789 · 01/06/2022 01:21

@YerAWizardHarry No but in the follow up I said I thought we'd maybe be having dinner and drinks. Again as the [major sports event] was on that's why I suggested takeway rather than going anywhere.

OP posts:
YerAWizardHarry · 01/06/2022 01:23

“Oh I’m sorry it looks like our wires got crossed! Let’s go for dinner and cocktails and see where the night takes us?”

Problem would have been solved surely no?

Forestgate · 01/06/2022 01:23

A mums night out does definarely not mean staying at home with your kids

YABU

Her reaction was a bit OTT however. But also your counter response was not very understanding to her POV either

Changedagain8766789 · 01/06/2022 01:33

@YerAWizardHarry well yes I guess it would have, I guess I would feebly say - given the weight of the evidence against me - that just because she wanted to go out, we had not made plans to do that i.e. I had not agreed, and did that mean we had to do that? Why not stay in?! Surely seeing each other was the important thing?

Anyway I also hate it when people don't accept their unreasonableness and I accept she was coming under that impression and I should have flagged it so I shall crawl under my shell and think about my actions. 💐

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