To just grow away from someone.......after 30 years?

[Beatrixpotterspencil]

Together that long. DP, not DH, both still unmarried, no problem there, and not had children, so no real issue.

For a few years now, I just can't relate to him, i am mid forties he is 60. We have always been very close and together and whatnot, but he has always prioritised his work over all else and never properly moved in with me as claimed some benefits, so my work would make that a problem (I cant support us both).

But lately, forget the finance stuff, I feel that it hurts him to listen to me talk, as if he would be happy to just live in youtube hobby stuff and never hear my voice. He is respectful and champions everything I do, but it feels as if we are not on the same page, having fun and being intimate properly.

He is a good man, in every way, but perhaps not for me. In MN terms he is a darling. But each day, year after year I feel like i am somehow insignificant, not interesting, something to be 'put up with'. If i complain we have arguments, and then if the argument is resolved well he makes this weird effort to get on it for a while then it all reverts back.

How do you reconcile that?

He responds to me, as if he has to, but i get the feeling he would be happier being a bachelor. I know he adores me and desires me, but we dont even have sex. The reason for this is he could not use condoms without losing an erection, and over the many, many years of abstinence , I have literally gone off the boil.
I don't even crave another man, or sex, it is like I am only half alive.

I do love him and care for hime so much, but we have no future unless I work my arse off the make things good.

I feel he is depressed, always lost in his online hobby (not gaming, it is something unusual like pets), but always insists things are fine. We live in a shit area and I have wanted to move for years, but he prefers the low rent and just tags along with me, when I pay to go into holiday lets for a reprieve.
I am not well off, far from it, but I am self employed and do receive occasional high commissions, so my income is higher than his - but I don't earn a lot in real terms, and images of the future terrify me.

I am happy to rent, it is my choice, and I never wanted a mortgage, but I need more than this. At least some connection and sharing of the outlay. He isn't a cocklodger by any means ( I currently live in his house), but I am not happy.

Would you leave?

A 15 year gap is big at that age -45 is still young and 60s is later middle age/retirement age!! I’m 50 and dh is 54 and even I feel that he’s turning in to an old man sometimes!

Age aside, it sounds like you really are not happy and you could strike out in your own in a better area and find a man who does want to be with you properly. I’m sure your dp is a lovely man, but not one that suits you anymore.

you’ve loved each other for 30 years, you’ve had a successful and loving relationship for 30 years

She's not had sex in 15 years, it doesn't sound like a successful relationship to me. Sounds like she's saddled with a man old enough to be her father who takes her for granted and she's wasted a lot of good years on him.

Leave now, before you end up becoming a carer for a man who has only ever given you part of himself. You could be stuck for the next 30 years otherwise.

Yes, you need to leave. He is holding you back and dragging you down.
I have a big age gap between me and DH, and that gap has widened as we have aged. I am now living with a house mate, and I wish I’d gone when I first wanted to.

It was inevitable with that age gap.

Sounds like time for the next stage of your life.