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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how clean/ tidy you are in other people’s homes?

15 replies

Farmhouseliving · 31/05/2022 16:33

If you were staying as a guest with family or close friends or visiting a family member or close friend for the day at their house, particularly if you have small children that you’d be bringing along.

Would you make a conscious effort to be cleaner/ tidier than in your own home (even if that wasn’t very tidy!) or would you think nothing of making quite a big mess in someone else’s home?

We have visitors staying with us at the moment, they go home Thursday, thank god. Every morning I get up before them all and try and get the house back to some sort of normality before they all surface, for my own mental health if nothing else. They then surface and the mum says things like ‘just going to make DC breakfast as they like a cooked one’ and proceeds to use every single cooking utensil, leaves pans, food, tins etc scattered all over surfaces, grease splatted up the walls. The washing up bowl is filled and things are just chucked in there and then pretty much left. 3 hours later the water is stone cold and there’s a load of dirty plates etc just sitting in it 🤢

The kids surface and it’s their iPads, toys, books...just everything over every single surface and chair. I walk into the living room and their dad is sitting in there with them and they’ve pulled every single cushion from the sofa and are bouncing around the floor on them. Dad has said nothing, mum walks in to call them for their breakfast, sees the chaos and says nothing.

They take ‘making yourself at home’ to the next level and I’m just getting sick of it now and want to say no more visits unless you get some manners.

I just cannot imagine making a mess of someone else’s home? Even if you’re not a clean and tidy person naturally and live in a pigsty at your own house, surely if you’re visiting a family that are house proud and clean and tidy you’d reign in your messiness a bit? Or is this just part and parcel of hosting people?

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 31/05/2022 16:40

Nobody is going to tell you it’s hunky dory to show up in someone else’s home and make the kitchen dirty and allow your kids to trash their house.

Equally though, you don’t actually have to invite family to stay. I would simply file these relatives under ‘not to stay over.’ Some people I don’t invite to stay with us because I know they don’t suit me as guests. Maybe they like to drink, come in too late, maybe they’re messy or overstay their welcome. Whatever. If they don’t suit me I don’t invite them.

ventreàterre · 31/05/2022 16:47

That's not normal. Even when staying with family and when told to make yourself at home, it's rude to make a gigantic mess in someone's home. If you do make a mess, you clean it up immediately.

Don't have them to stay again. You could ask them to clean after themselves, but I wouldn't trust that type of person to know how to clean. Easier just not to invite them to stay and have "reasons" why they can't stay if they try to invite themselves.

letsnotdothat · 31/05/2022 16:49

You should respect someone else’s home and make a serious effort to keep it clean and tidy imo. The way the Mum cooks sounds like my DH and it annoys the shit out of me, I don’t know why people can’t quickly clean and tidy as they go at all.

EddieHowesBlackandWhiteArmy · 31/05/2022 16:52

I’m staying with family at the moment with my clan and I am massively over compensating on the tidy front. I took a half full can of Coke out of my husband’s hand earlier to put it in the bin much to his surprise and bemusement. What’s stopping you from saying ‘er you tidying this shit up or what?’

domesticgodmess · 31/05/2022 16:53

I am super messy, I drive DH to distraction.
But in someone's house I'm very tidy in communal areas, my suitcase and surrounding area is another matter.
No way would I make mess and leave it for my host.

Can you just say to them that they'll need to tidy up, preferably before they make the next mess.

funkysheep · 31/05/2022 16:55

I assume the bedroom we're using is ours for the duration (unless told otherwise) so we aren't particularly tidy in there. But I definitely pick up after myself and DC anywhere else in the house. YANBU!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 31/05/2022 16:55

YANBU. Out of interest how old are the kids?

Sceptre86 · 01/06/2022 18:51

This is exactly what I have refused to stay over at my husbands aunties and booked a hotel instead. We have three young kids, the youngest is a 9 month old baby and we come with a lot of stuff. I'd hate to tiptoe around them as mine are up at 7am.

I would clean up after mine as I go which is the same as I do at home. Yanbu.

Brainfogmcfogface · 01/06/2022 19:00

Extra tidy in other peoples homes, was looking after a friends children in her house the other week and was doing regular tidy ups so she didn’t come home to a mess. I always make sure my children are respectful too

RitaFires · 01/06/2022 19:05

I can be messy at home but if I'm visiting anyone I'm really tidy. That includes family because I appreciate them letting me stay and try to treat their home with respect.

Kite22 · 01/06/2022 19:08

Quite the opposite.
I'm happy to leave washing up until there is a bowlful in my own home, but if I were staying with someone I would make sure I cleaned up after myself.

If dc were pulling cushions of furniture and bouncing on them in my house I would step in and tell them that is not allowed in this house.

Presumably - if they are staying with you - they are close to you? So you speak to them.

JudgeJ · 01/06/2022 19:14

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 31/05/2022 16:55

YANBU. Out of interest how old are the kids?

Their age is irrelevant, the parents are being obnoxiously rude.

NellesVilla · 01/06/2022 19:18

This would drive me fucking nuts, OP. I’m an extremely tidy and minimalist person- partly for my mental health. I dislike clutter and like to have order and not too much to worry about.

I can’t imagine being one of those people who makes a mess wherever they go and always make an effort to keep my hosts’ homes clean. I also housesit for work regularly and always leave the place cleaner than it was when I arrived (according to my reviews!).

Now my appearance is another matter entirely. Unfortunately, whatever I do, I look like I’ve been dragged through a bush backwards at times and am always spilling stuff over myself.

Davyjones · 01/06/2022 19:19

I think messy people don’t see mess

it’s also rude of course

slobs

wouldn’t want to see their house

Mally100 · 01/06/2022 19:20

How disrespectful! I would definitely not keep quiet about this. I would be prepared to lose a relationship with these people for being such rude, obnoxious, disrespectful idiots. And I would never have them over again.

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