^please help me^

[fransmom]

here xp has been unreliabel and keeps saying thta he will chnage access times to suit him when he wants/needs to and now he wants to tkae her to "malta in may/june" and i don't want him to

Fransmom you need to talk to a solicitor about this. I know you are finding this very very frightening and upsetting, but June is 5 months away, so you have plenty of time to act on this. Try to calm down becuase being as stressed as you are isn't going to help you. I know it's hard.

You don't have to let him into your house just because he has arrived, you know. Just don't answer the door unless it is a time you have agreed on.

i am. i have just had funny feeling that he already asked her. and has been in to hols shop to sort out when.

Don't let him have dd's passport and see a solicitor.

she not got one time epxired on pc

don;t know if you are still here, but if he is being unreasonable about access, you can have a judge set out access

sorry you are having a hard time x

poor you also hard because you only get to pc at library. Were you married to him? I ask because two people i know were not and the father did really not have a lot of help. Are you on benefits? If you are go now to see solicitor. If not cab. Will check tomorrow if you about-

Why shouldn't he take her? "I don't want him to" isn't a reason, let alone a good reason.

TBH if he is as unreliable as he sounds he will never get a holiday in Malta organised.

If she is not yet three, and he is on the birth certificate, then he has PR and therefore the right to take her, but only with your consent.

ubergeek-read the other threads

FGS apply for her passport befor he does . do it on quick turnaround or he can get her passport first and you wont have a leg to stand on .

Read the other threads. he's not very punctual and sometimes chages things at short notice. Is that a good reason to deprive the girl of a holiday in Malta, or is she being punished for her father's perceived failings?

What dreadful things do you think will happen, fransmom, if the holiday goes ahead?

ubergeekian are you a troll?

fwiw i was panicking and once i have calmed down and went to see sol's today, they basically advised me what you all have said (they must read mn too!) no-one i sbeing punished ubergeek

Assuming he does not have sole custody, I am fairly sure that he cannot apply for a passport for your kid without your consent. Neither can you, without his consent.

Still, I have to agree, 'not very punctual' is not a real excuse to deny a father a holiday with his daughter. But that is ultimately your choice.

I'm not trolling. I just honestly can't see why you don't want her to go. It must be very annoying that he's unreliable for weekends, but I can't see why that should be a reason for him not to take his daughter on holiday.

Perhaps fransmom feels that if her Xp doesn't think enough of his dd to make a regular effort to come visit her, stick to arrangements he has made, them he doesn't deserve to take her away to Malta... if he can't be trusted to stick to visits, then how can he be trusted to care for a child for a whole week?

But when you say "he doesn't deserve to take her away to Malta", that's punishing him, isn't it? And it's punishing him through his daughter - she's being used as a reward for "good" behaviour.

What has the daughter done to deserve being deprived of a holiday in Malta

agree with Uber.

You need to have regular access set up and then just tell him he cannot have her if he turns up late. Some men just take a while to grow up, but of course I don't know all the details of what has happened.

As far as the holiday, there is nothing you can do so just accept the situation. It would be far less stressful for you if you just appreciate that she is his child as well. We often have to give our partners (ex or current!) a little shove now and then. You are a single parent, but not the only parent. It hurts to always be the one who is there for our children, then the man swoops in and gets the glory. That is just life sometimes, I am afraid. Are you jealous? Not trying to be mean, but do you still love him? Are you jealous that he may have a new partner? Or is it just that you are reluctant to share her?

If you try to stop him seeing her, then it will most likely backfire in a spectacular way when she is older.

I do agree that you should have "passport control" though as you never know.

i am not jealous as i know he has a new gf and he is trying to make me jealous but it's not working.

i have decided to let her go to malta but hey hang on a minute- he has said that he hasn't even booked it yet so i may just wait and see.

i would ignore what everybody says and go with your gut feeling on this.you are the one who had a relationship with this man,and if you dont feel you can trust him then dont.she is very little and you have to make decisions for her untill she is old enough to make them for herself.

I would let her go on holiday with them in the uk where you can get to her if she needs you. I would approach this on a 'for this first holiday why don't we try with a uk holiday and work up to a holiday abroad.'
3 year olds don't care if they go abroad or not so if it is about doing something with and for his dd then it shouldn't be a problem?
Can she hold a conversation with you on the phone so you can speak to her every day to check she is ok?

Uber-you have a logical point but this isn't always about being logical. She is worrying which is understandable?

leoleo: "
Uber-you have a logical point but this isn't always about being logical. She is worrying which is understandable?"

Completely!

we agree?