Unwanted messages on DD11 phone.

[Snowraingain]

My dd is in. Year 6 and she has a mobile because I work and her older siblings pick her up from school or she walks home alone.
She got a few odd messages over the last few days from a random boy which were a bit flirty. It turns out this boy was given her number by her best friend. He’s a friend of a friend of hers. DD has told her that she shouldn’t have given him her number and we’ve blocked him.
I messaged her friends mum and asked if she had seen this had happened. I don’t think her daughter meant to cause harm I just think she didn’t think. I wanted to just tell her mum this is what has happened.

But I got a tense reply saying her daughters phone was none of her business and that her messages were private and she wouldn’t ever look at them because it’s a trust issue. So now I feel like an idiot for suggesting she might look at the phone. Her dd is 10.

Dd told her friend she should of given out her number and blocked the boy what’s the issue?
why would her mum know if she’d given out the number

If you were just letting her know that her daughter had given your daughter's number out to a random boy without asking your daughter first, and you said it nicely, then that's fine.

If you also added in a few other things, such as advising her to look at her daughter's phone (which isn't your business), then you overstepped the make IMO

Overstepped the mark ... (Not make!)

Children under 13 come under different safeguarding rules, in law and should from a parental pov, the Mother is an idiot. Children who have phones, internet usage are open to grooming, of course parents should be keeping an eye on them. You could always speak to the school and they'll give a talk on digital safety and yes, schools are concerned about this. She is effectively letting her 10 year old out into the world unsupervised. The child is obviously making mistakes, so isn't safety savvy. More so than ever with knife crime, we should be taking notice of our tweens and teens.

But I got a tense reply saying her daughters phone was none of her business and that her messages were private and she wouldn’t ever look at them because it’s a trust issue. So now I feel like an idiot for suggesting she might look at the phone. Her dd is 10.

She's a lazy fuckwit who doesn't bother with safeguarding & supervising a 10 year old girl's phone. She's embarrassed that you've seen her lazy fuckwittery, hence being terse with you.

You're not an idiot, this other mum is. For all she knows, her DD is conversing with 35 year olds & dog knows what else.

Just bear in mind that a few parents are this lax, so you need to keep your vigilance up. DD did well to tell you about the flirty messages, & you've now shown her that she is free to block whoever she wants to & has no obligation to respond to messages she does not want, or tolerate having her number given out without her say-so.

You are a responsible and caring parent.

The mother of your daughters friends sounds like one of those trendy parents who wants to be friends with her daughter which is absolutely ridiculous when we are talking about a 10 year old and the dangers of a mobile phone.

Well done for doing the right thing.

My children are all fully grown adults now but especially with my daughter I monitored her phone and Internet use up to the age of at least 14/15.

There was no arguments from my children about it because I am the billpayer so tough if they didn't want me to look at their activity.

It’s just that I think it’s a perfectly innocent mistake which could have been much much worse. What if this random boy had sent my dd something obscene then it becomes criminal. I really like her best friend. I’ve known her since they were at nursery. She’s funny and kind. I just wanted a conversation with her mum about phones and keeping them both safe.

She made me feel like a bit of an over protective idiot. Maybe I am. I don’t know!

If she hasn’t taught her daughter the basic rule of not giving out other people’s numbers without asking them first, then I doubt she’d be much better at supervising her phone.

It’s the no 1 rule children need to be taught - don’t give numbers out to strangers without permission. I am a professional woman and could get in trouble for doing exactly that at work. In an adult environment.

Year 6 and she has a mobile because I work and her older siblings pick her up from school or she walks home alone.

It is not just for that though is it? It is also so she can socially interact. Otherwise her friend would not have had her number to pass on.

You choose to give a child phone you choose to guide and manage any interactions she has on it. A boy of the same age could have said the same things to her in the playground.

You blocked the number, she can ask her friend not to pass her number onto anyone else without her permission, there was no need to contact the other mum.

This