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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’ve lost the plot?!

29 replies

Starslight · 31/05/2022 06:54

Wasn’t sure where to post this but decided on here.

I’ve kept some cards from an ex for years and years - always in the same place but not 100% sure when I last looked at them. Went to have a look last week and they’ve gone. It’s only me and dd at home and doubt she’d have taken them. I have asked her and she’s adamant she’s not taken or seen them.Feel like I’m losing my mind wondering they’ve gone. It’s slightly possible I threw them away when I moved but feel quite certain I’ve seen them since I moved - though time can play tricks.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
skytoronto · 31/05/2022 07:01

Did you get drunk and throw them away?

WildCoasts · 31/05/2022 07:20

Could a person you were with subsequently have been jealous and taken them?

Antarcticant · 31/05/2022 07:25

Have you searched your house thoroughly for them, or just looked in the place you'd thought they were? The mostly likely reason is that you've put them away somewhere else, or thrown them away as pp suggested.

Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 07:40

@WildCoasts possibly. But I’m fairly sure I’ve seen them since me and him split up, can’t be certain though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 07:41

@Antarcticant not totally searched yet but have looked in other places!

OP posts:
Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 09:30

Bump

OP posts:
Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 10:28

@skytoronto definitely not! I just want to find them or at least know where they’ve gone..

OP posts:
Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 10:36

I’m even starting to wonder if dd has taken them for some reason but seems unlikely. I don’t like suspecting her 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 11:37

Bump

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 31/05/2022 12:01

First of all, I doubt anyone here is going to be able to tell you where you might have put something in your house or who might have taken them.

Secondly, it's probably time to move on if you've kept this ex's cards for all this time and still return to them to look at them with any regularity.

Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 12:17

@10HailMarys I was just trying to get some rational perspective on this. I haven’t looked at them for years and years but that not really the point.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 31/05/2022 13:53

Starslight · 31/05/2022 12:17

@10HailMarys I was just trying to get some rational perspective on this. I haven’t looked at them for years and years but that not really the point.

OK - but you kept bumping your own thread after people had already given you the (only) rational perspective, which is that either your other ex or your daughter took them, or you threw them away by mistake at some point, or you put them somewhere else and have forgotten. That, to me, says that this a lot more of a big deal to you than misplacing something would normally be.

It just doesn't feel like you'd be worrying this much about it if they weren't cards from a specific ex.

Maybe they'll turn up somewhere, maybe they won't. But if you have indeed moved on and don't look at the cards any more, it probably doesn't matter in the big scheme of things, does it? Losing things is annoying, but it happens and it's not worth letting it get to you.

Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 14:20

@10HailMarys it’s more that I already suffer from anxiety and this is making feel like I’m losing my mind 😢

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 31/05/2022 14:49

Starslight · 31/05/2022 14:20

@10HailMarys it’s more that I already suffer from anxiety and this is making feel like I’m losing my mind 😢

Ah, I see - fair enough. Anxiety is a rotten thing to live with sometimes, isn't it?

Honestly, though, you are definitely not losing your mind! These things happen all the time. They'll probably turn up somewhere when you're not even looking for them.

easyday · 31/05/2022 14:55

When my husband died I kept his colourful collection of ties (think Liberty prints, not loud novelty)! With three sons I thought they might like to choose some in the future.
I've moved four times but they are not something I would have thrown out, but I haven't seen them since the second move. I've got boxes and boxes of stuff, but I have been through them at least twice to try and get rid of stuff each move. I am really upset - I can only conclude they have been tossed by mistake.
It happens. But they may also turn up in an me or yes place. Just get on with your life and you may well discover the letters while looking for something else!

Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 17:46

@easyday thank you and I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I know I should just accept it but I know I’ll be tearing the house apart very soon. And I’m as sure as I can be I haven’t loved or thrown them away. Surely dd worth’s t have taken them? Hate suspecting her but it’s only me and her here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 18:59

@10HailMarys yes very difficult and this is making it unbearable 😢 I’ve looked in the only other place they could be and they’re not there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 21:16

So I’ve torn apart any other possible places they might be and no sign 😞 Feel like I’m going mad.

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Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 21:17

It’s weird how they’re the only 2 things in my that weren’t hidden away with words of love from men - now they’ve both gone ….

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 31/05/2022 21:20

What techniques help with the anxiety? Have you had any treatment OP?

Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 21:27

@Wolfiefan tried done online counselling but it’s been useless so far. Also just restarted antidepressants. However the leaflet one I’ve been prescribed (Prozac) seems to suggest it can make anxiety worse 😩

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 31/05/2022 21:34

I’m on Prozac for anxiety and depression. It has been a game changer for me. I did have various side effects on other drugs but feel sooooo much better on this.
Also worth thinking about distraction techniques. What can you do instead of worrying? How about something useful or pampering or getting outside or exercising or other hobby?

Original poster
Starslight · 31/05/2022 21:42

@Wolfiefan oh that’s encouraging- pleased it’s worked for you.
I started feeling a bit more positive and hoping the drugs would help but this incident has really knocked me. I hate doubting and suspecting my dd but it’s only me and her. I’ve had occasional over visitors or possibly when ex took them before I moved. I think I’ve seen them more recently though. The not knowing is drinking me mad and exhausting me. 😞

OP posts:
merryhouse · 31/05/2022 22:28

If it makes you feel any better

On Saturday morning I was writing in my notebook. I didn't go anywhere on Saturday. On Saturday evening I went to pick up my notebook and couldn't find it.

It's completely disappeared. And I'm definitely not losing my mind.

(It's just possible - though seems unlikely - that I put it in the bin by mistake: by the time this occurred to me I'd emptied the bin and the dustcart had collected. It would have to be a massive brain fart, because I don't normally put much in the bin at all and paper goes in the recycling. Apart from that, I genuinely don't see how it could have been misplaced.)

RedHelenB · 31/05/2022 22:30

Starslight · 31/05/2022 12:17

@10HailMarys I was just trying to get some rational perspective on this. I haven’t looked at them for years and years but that not really the point.

So the likelihood is they've got lost when you moved. There's no reason to blame dd surely?