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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Colleague so far up my boss’s arse it’s embarrassing!

15 replies

tiltheveryend · 30/05/2022 18:26

So, I work in a fairly large organisation, in my department it’s quite a toxic environment very high turnover of staff, work load is very high. People birching and gossiping about others is a constant!

So my manager is in her mid 50’s and and there is another girl is younger than me, I’m in my late 20’s. They constantly act like high school girls, it’s actually having cringey. It’s not just me who have noticed it. They talk all the time, my boss is one of these people who always complains about how much work she has, and how it’s always her putting in the extra hours, where’s I’ll be at my desk working and she’ll be having a nice chat with people whilst not getting any work done. It’s so frustrating she she micro manages people, and complains of people don’t pick up the phone her, and asks why didn’t pick it up the first time. Only for her to ignore the phone when try and call her. People have seen it happen.

Her and her best friend, this girl in her 20’s get on like a house on fire, they are always in each other’s pockets. This girl has had a few different jobs at our work but they always come back together. Women in her 50’s treats everybody like shit, plays favourites. Has stupid nicknames for her favourites, never criticise them and they particularly get away with murder her favourites. Whereas people like (I’m not a favourite) get constantly pulled up on things that isn’t our fault, or that the work has already been done but she just hadn’t looked for it whilst doing a two man job.

Am I being unreasonable to find this a bit weird the whole friendship thing & the favouritism?

OP posts:
balalake · 30/05/2022 19:01

Unprofessional and it opens her to claims that for someone who is not a favourite, it is because of some personal characteristic.

Probably regardless, time to look for another job.

RepublicOfNarnia · 30/05/2022 19:12

It's hugely unprofessional. You need to keep a log of specifically your grievances. But be sensible not "she was in the kitchen making coffee with Sophie at 2pm and didn't ask me if I wanted a coffee." All that aside you can see why there's a high turn over so time to dust off your proverbial CV.

Charlize43 · 19/11/2022 20:22

It's hugely unprofessional. One of the reasons I don't like working for women bosses as they can so often be clique managers. Let's hope they don't start bullying you as I've seen this type of thing before when they start turning on the ones that aren't in the clique.

Personally, I'd start looking for another job as you'll also be passed up for any promotion as that will go to the favourites even if they don't have the skills and abilities.

Sorry, this is happening to you. I can relate to how awful this is.

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 19/11/2022 20:29

I left the job where this exact scenario transpired.

it was disgraceful and finally imploded between them but not before they’d ganged up on a few others. Like me. Was terrible. And in a big public sector role too!

FlamingBells · 19/11/2022 20:34

Once my old section leader was promoted above her capabilities she recruited her godchildren & children of friends into roles they couldn't do. This was to ensure she looked competent in comparison to her an incompetent workplace. This plan fell apart when she went on maternity leave because none of them knew what to do. So the big boss put them on a capability assessment & then got rid of them. We'll the ones who didn't quit once they realised that the old witch wasn't around to cover their arses.

WaveyHair · 19/11/2022 20:36

Unprofessional but sadly not uncommon, especially with women managers.

I have had three of women managers and each one had obvious favourites (they did not hide it) who were considered high performers (they weren't) and were only interested in hearing from their 'yes' people. Anyone else was treated like a minion.

My advice here is move on and don't waste anymore time is this dead end situation.

FlamingBells · 19/11/2022 21:07

WaveyHair · 19/11/2022 20:36

Unprofessional but sadly not uncommon, especially with women managers.

I have had three of women managers and each one had obvious favourites (they did not hide it) who were considered high performers (they weren't) and were only interested in hearing from their 'yes' people. Anyone else was treated like a minion.

My advice here is move on and don't waste anymore time is this dead end situation.

Sounds like Liz Truss and her short lived cabinet made up of yes people.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/11/2022 21:12

I worked in the operating theatre at a private hospital, and there was an in-crowd, and then there were the rest of us. They could do no wrong, and we were always getting criticised for things that weren’t our fault. We used to joke about whose turn it would be, to be in the wrong each day.

It was a very toxic atmosphere, and I was more than happy to leave.

NewIdeasToday · 19/11/2022 21:18

“One of the reasons I don't like working for women bosses as they can so often be clique managers.”

Great to see people on Mumsnet making sexist generalisations about women managers! I thought we’d moved past such crap.

Ducksareadabbling · 19/11/2022 21:23

Women can be awful bosses. I once had a headteacher who came back from holiday and gave out gifts to six members of staff (we were all sitting round one table) and left out the other two members. Atrocious behaviour. We are all retired now, and we all keep in touch with each other, but no one has kept in touch with her. Time to move on, OP.

medicatedgift · 19/11/2022 21:24

This thread is from may.

Sheilascarface · 19/11/2022 21:49

NewIdeasToday · 19/11/2022 21:18

“One of the reasons I don't like working for women bosses as they can so often be clique managers.”

Great to see people on Mumsnet making sexist generalisations about women managers! I thought we’d moved past such crap.

Seems sadly we haven’t as many of us have experienced the same miserable situation.

Sounds like my old line manager. Had her favourite and had her scapegoat - me and bullied me out.

GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok · 19/11/2022 22:03

If you can still see her little legs dangling, there may be a glimmer of hope.
If not, make plans to leave. I am in almost exactly the same situation.

Sainte · 13/02/2023 19:54

Just leave. I’ve been in this situation it makes for long days.

Greentree1 · 13/02/2023 20:00

Men managers can be just as crap or more.

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