We have only been together for 3 going on 4 years. We have a dc and are both relatively young. Whenever I'm around other couples (yes I know you shouldn't compare) I always feel so disheartened and upset because it makes me realise we are missing that spark. When you whisper into each others ears or look into each others eyes without even speaking. Just the little touches like holding of hands or putting a hand on the small of someone's back. The attention and affection. It's just not there.
Im no massive fan of PDA myself but it doesn't have to be in your face, it can be subtle. We don't even kiss anymore. Given I don't like kissing that much but we was at a really romantic wedding and dp didn't kiss me just once. He said he didn't want to do it around people but it wasn't like we was on show. Everyone around us were slow dancing and kissing and dp only accepted a dance once we he was ridiculously drunk.
Ive always noticed this part of our relationship is majorly lacking, even a year in. I'm now thinking his lack of effort affection, no sex life (unless he is really in the mood which makes me feel used) all points towards him not being in love with me.
We have had many discussions about this recently and I told dp if we was to write this down in black and white all signs point towards him just not being into me anymore. He swore blind on me and dcs life it wasn't that and he is just feeling the strain of our issues and doesn't know why he isn't showing how he is feeling so much. It hurts me because despite our issues I love him and that hasn't changed. If it had I wouldn't be here trying so hard. Where as with him his love seems to be circumstantial and comes and goes depending on how "good we are". Surely true genuine love stays consistent despite the hard times. He says it's not personal towards me but it is ONLY affecting me so it is.
We have couples counselling this week but I honestly just feel like throwing the towel in. Despite all the hardships we have been through I have never felt so defeated until now. We are meant to be moving into our new home soon but I just don't know if this is it. We are meant to be getting married next year as well.
I know the honeymoon phase is well and truly over but the couples around us have been together much longer than us and still have that love and admiration for each other. Dp says we have been through alot very quickly so that has affected things, I know this is true but we are only 26 and I don't want that to mean that we just continue e like we are a very old married couple.
I've given him to the end of this week to show if he truly loves and wants to be with me if not I'm walking. But my head is all over the place and my heart is hurting.
My gut tells me there is something off with him. No not cheating but he has been distant and checked out. He blames it on the stress of moving to our own place but it has been since before then as well. I think he is hiding a secret or not being completely honest with me....
So
Aibu it doesn't sound that way it's all in my head or I'm not being unreasonable it doesn't sound like he loves me anymore or maybe never has......