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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OLD - would you bring someone back to your home on the first date...?

5 replies

parababe · 30/05/2022 09:35

I live with my sister, both single, she's 60 and widowed and I'm 48 and happily single. She is OLD and very keen to meet someone but not for a 'serious' relationship, just someone to go places and do things with but not live with. Been on lots of 'dates' but not many turn into a second date (her choice).
To my AIBU - She went on a date yesterday, just clicked him on Tinder (or whatever it is you do to say you like someone) I gave her a lift (4pm) as she wanted to be able to have a drink (she said she would get a taxi back). She messaged me saying he was lovely and she was staying out till later, no problem at all. Then I got a message about 9 saying 'were coming back for coffee, hope that's OK'. This is where I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable. I don't want to fall out with her and haven't said anything yet (I went to watch telly in bed as didn't really want to meet him), but I'm really uncomfortable having a bloke she has known for all of 2 hours coming back to our home... She has no idea who he is and she's happily showing him where we live and inside our house..... Before I have the conversation of 'it would be good to wait till you know him better before inviting him into our home...' I want to know if I am being a bit unreasonable. Just for context, she is a bit useless at 'adulting' - I am the one that does all the life admin and house admin, she doesn't have a bloody clue how to even read the electric meter, thinks everyone is 'lovely' and therefore has no real thought for her safely as in 'they wouldn't do that, they're lovely!!'

OP posts:
grey12 · 30/05/2022 09:38

YANBU

I would not bring someone home that quickly. DH on our first date took me home but didn't come in the building.

Unless it's someone you know from before, but that's a different situation to meeting someone on Tinder.

parababe · 30/05/2022 09:46

Thanks Grey12, just needed another opinion - Will talk to her tonight

OP posts:
FOJN · 30/05/2022 09:51

I wouldn't be happy about it but it depends on who owns the house you live in. If the house belongs to your Sister then you can express your concern but cannot dictate what she does in her own house. You would then be left to consider whether it was so unacceptable you wanted to find somewhere else to live.

If the house is yours then you absolutely can tell her it's unacceptable and she can make a decision about her future living arrangements.

If it's jointly owned then you are going to have to negotiate a workable arrangement.

grey12 · 30/05/2022 09:59

@FOJN I think the problem is that it can be dangerous to her sister, regardless of whose house it is

Chamomileteaplease · 30/05/2022 09:59

Surely it's up to her if she wants to put herself at (IMO considerable) risk.

But you live there too! Worst case scenario the guy gets violent and she's roped you into it all!

And even if he isn't violent, as you state, ,she has brought a stranger into your house at night when you want to feel comfortable and safe.

I would definitely have a discussion with her about your house rules.

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