Can a shy/quiet person make it working in a school?

[Carbaholic876]

I am qualified, somehow, but I feel like I've never quite fitted in apart from working as a secondary TA.
I don't manage to have the 'banter' with pupils that a lot of staff have.
I get sick of hearing the sound of my own voice, i don't have a very loud voice and also feel like I can't build strong relationships with other staff.
I do feel like a lot of teachers are outgoing, confident and exteoverted.
I end up being too 'nice' with the pupils and not respected.
Thinking of retraining as a nurse as I have worked in nursing homes a lot too and wonder if it's better suited to my personality.
Or am I just hugely lacking in confidence

You can build relationships with students without being good at banter! Just show an interest in them, find out what they have as a pet/what sport they do out of school etc and ask them about it sometimes. Remembering something like they have a new puppy or their football team did well at the weekend or wishing them luck with their dance exam goes angling way. Go and watch school concerts and plays and talk to those who took part about it. The students will like and respect you for showing an interest in them.

You don't need to be loud to "control" your class.

I remember one of my teachers who was tiny, less than 5 feet tall, and probably something like 6 stone wet through. She was probably in her late 50s/early 60s and had a weak/soft voice.

By her looks and demeanour she really wasn't cut out to be a teacher.

But she had a certain "presence" about her - if you watch NCIS Los Angeles, think similar to Hetty, she was a dead ringer. She was smart and had a "bank" of comments/answers in her repertoir that engaged pupils and could put the trouble makers in their place! She'd often taken pupils aside after the lesson to "have a word" rather than raise her voice during the lesson and whatever she said, it worked.

One girl in our class was a pain in the arse in other subjects with disruption etc., but in this teacher's class she behaved and ended up getting her only GCSE pass in that subject.

So, to the OP, I'd suggest she work on her assertiveness and engagement. Just because other teachers are louder/friendlier doesn't mean they are more successful. The answer isn't for her to try to be louder!

I've taken a non-teaching role - I'm the DDSL and LAC coordinator. I get paid about as much as an NQT, but unlikely to get pay rises above that- which I'm fine about.

I have my own office, am given a high level of solitude and largely left to my own devices. I only deal with pupils on a 121 basis, and in a supportive way without conflict.

I love it, my perfect role.

I am introverted to the point of sometimes being agrophobic.

I used to work in a school and I’m quiet, was always praised for my relationships with students. Honestly I think they respect authenticity and if you’re not a “banter” sort of person it’s not going to work for you to try and do it. I’m a bit nerdy and was never cool, even when I was at school myself, so I didn’t try to be cool with the kids.

It’s perfectly fine to be quiet and reserved, but you do need to find ways of establishing control and respect.

I'm a natural introvert, painfully shy as a child and still need time alone to recharge, but have been teaching for years and now at management level. There's definitely an element of faking it and all teachers have to perform but you definitely don't need to be an extrovert in this job. I know plenty of amazing quiet and shy teachers who use their quiet, calm manner to get the absolute best from their classes and have them eating out the palm of their hands. What you do need is confidence and resiliance, you cannot do this job without it unfortunately. BUT you can develop and build this with lots of practise. If you enjoy the job, it's absolutely worth it, you just have to keep faking that confidence.

I work in primary and am very much introverted. My advice to students and new teachers us usually fake it until you make it. I too have a teacher persona. You don't need to be loud but it helps if you can use your voice well, projecting and using it to engage.
The advice above about building relationships is spot on. I've turned many tricky children around by remembering their interests and showing that I genuinely care. I imagine that building these relationships is easier in primary though. I wouldn't say primary is always easier from a behaviour point of view though, just different. Wrangling 30 5 year olds can be tricky business!
If you enjoy teaching, then don't give up. Find the right school and setting and gain more experience.

You don’t have to be extroverted and loud to be a teacher, but if you are naturally quiet, you do need to exude a persona of calm confidence. Kids, particularly teenagers, sense weakness and fear and will home in on it otherwise, but they definitely do respect and like teachers who can teach well and keep control of the class without having to raise their voice constantly, because being introverted and being ineffectual are two very different things.

Being introverted and not liking people are also two very different things. Clearly you are drawn towards people-centred work, so you must have some interest in teenagers and their thought processes, rather than just being focused on your subject and finding the people you are meant to teach an aggravating factor. Teenagers definitely also sense it when they are disliked. So, you need to work out how much passing on your knowledge to adolescents really means to you. Is it worth the stress of the early years, when you are having to act in a way you don’t really feel and are uncertain you will ever feel, or would you rather deal with frail and elderly people in a nursing home (bearing in mind that frail, elderly people, or any people who need any type of nursing care, also need to be made to feel secure and safe, so will also appreciate someone who can exude calm, confident vibes, not anxious, worried that you are not good enough ones!)?

I am very similar to you.
I agree that you should try primary instead.

What worked for me is volunteering in a school first. This meant I could build up my confidence in a stressfree way as there was no expectations on me. Is there a way you could try this?

In my school there are all personality types and it works very well. Im sure you can do it.

I'll have been teaching 15 years this summer.

I'm like you, naturally fairly quiet, not interested in being the big personality in the staffroom. I'm quite content with my own company and thoughts. Although I wouldn't describe myself as shy particularly. I think shy and quiet are two quite different things.

However, when I'm teaching, I often tell myself it's time to put on a performance. I make myself much bigger and bolder than I really am, and kids responded well to me (I think). But it IS a performance. It was hard at first, putting myself into that head space, but now I quite easily "step into the role".

I think with time your confidence will grow. You wouldn't have qualified if you hadn't had been up to the job so don't worry about that. I think that it is good to have a variety of personalities. Different kids will respond to different types better.

If you enjoy teaching then don't quit.

Passing a qualification, ticking some boxes in no way ensures somebody is suited to be a Teacher.

@Carbaholic876 you know yourself best. If the job isn't for you there's no shame in looking at other options, maybe mentoring type roles etc.

I think it's definitely possible to be successful as a teacher when you're quiet by nature, but it depends on finding the right school and management. I was also going to suggest SEN or additional support where you can be more nurturing.

For many teachers, it’s an act. I’m an introvert, a terrible over thinker and not great in groups. Yet my teacher persona is quite different - confident and calm.
(Have to admit that the ‘act’ is knackering and I’m always peopled-out by the end of the day).