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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Car for 17th birthday. Is this the norm?

168 replies

folly115 · 29/05/2022 18:16

It seems to be the norm around here to have a car for your 17th birthday. A couple of my friends have done this for their DC's and all except one of my DD's friends have a car ready and waiting for when they pass their test. It isn't just the car it is the insurance and costs that go with it.

A few of her friends seem to get the car bought by their dad (mum and dad are divorced) a couple by their grandparents as their parents can't afford it and they don't want them to be the only one without a car and a few the parents buy.

We can't afford this. She is going to have to save and maybe we can help her out. AIBU to put our foot down and say this isn't happening??

OP posts:
CuriousCatfish · 29/05/2022 18:17

It's not the norm around here.

JanglyBeads · 29/05/2022 18:17

Nope!

bloodywhitecat · 29/05/2022 18:18

I didn't buy mine a car, they saved for their own. They did, however, have use of mine.

IhopeYourCakeIsShit · 29/05/2022 18:19

No

coffeecupsandfairylights · 29/05/2022 18:19

It was when I was growing up, but I attended a rural private school and I would say at least 75% of our year got cars and lessons for their 17th birthdays, mainly so they could drive themselves (and siblings) to school once they'd passed.

However if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

But I don't think it's an issue if parents opt to do it and can afford it - it's a lot easier to pass at 17 than when you're funding everything yourself as an adult.

EatYourVegetables · 29/05/2022 18:19

If that’s an expectation then no wonder so many people on £100K / year are “struggling”, as a poster on another thread claimed!

Definitely YANBU!

dementedpixie · 29/05/2022 18:20

No
My 18 year old dd isn't inclined to even take driving lessons yet never mind have a car

PonyPatter44 · 29/05/2022 18:20

Some of DDs friends were given cars for 17th or (more usually) 18th birthdays. Some just bought their own, and some weren't bothered about driving. DD saved up her money and bought herself a little car, and we helped pay for a bit of the car, and for her insurance.

KangarooKenny · 29/05/2022 18:21

No, driving lesson money for 17th.
Mine bought their own cars with a bit of help from us.

Lou98 · 29/05/2022 18:21

Not the norm no!

I'm 23 now and bought my first car myself when I was 19.
My Mum and Stepdad bought me my first block of 5 driving lessons as a birthday present for my 18th (I was still in school when I was 17 and my part time job wouldn't have paid lessons so no point starting them then and not being able to continue). The rest I paid for myself when I started working full time at 18 along with my car, insurance etc

orwellwasright · 29/05/2022 18:21

I don't think it's unusual to buy a block of lessons as a 17th present. But a car? Only if you're spoilt rich.

UnsuitableHat · 29/05/2022 18:23

Crikey no.

BusySittingDown · 29/05/2022 18:24

Yes, sometimes.

My sister got a car for her 17th birthday. My dad got her a cheap mini and fixed it up for her as he was a dab hand with cars. She also had driving lessons. I mean, this was 31 years ago though!

She's 10 years older than me. I did NOT get a car for my 17th. My dad sadly died before then and my mum wouldn't have been able to afford it.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Money towards driving lessons maybe? A 17 year old should have at least a part time job and can start saving themselves.

I didn't drive until I could afford the lessons/car myself. My sister was spoilt! Spoilt I tell you! Grin

dudsville · 29/05/2022 18:24

As Always, it's going to be the norm for some, not all. Don't feel bad, love and raise your child well and they should know that you're not withholding something.

Ponderingwindow · 29/05/2022 18:25

It’s the norm in our social circle and geographic area, but driving isn’t optional and it’s the 15th birthday. If you can’t afford to buy your child a car, the only option is to keep playing chauffeur.

Trafficjamlog · 29/05/2022 18:25

Absolutely the norm here I don’t know any 17 year old without their own car although some share with siblings. However we are in an affluent area. Having said that, I certainly wouldn’t be buying one if I couldn’t afford it. As it happens we bought a 6 year old group 1 car for £3.5k which has been v reasonable to run and insure. We will cover all costs apart from petrol until they graduate university

RamSyder · 29/05/2022 18:25

Nope
and we ensured that there wasn’t the false expectation that they were going to get one.

HoobleDooble · 29/05/2022 18:26

It seems to be more usual amongst my friends that, if both parents have a car, the child will share the smaller/less powerful one with one of their parents until they've got a job and are in a position to finance their own.

CatsArePeople · 29/05/2022 18:26

Nope. Maybe contribute to it or the lessons, and help with insurance.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/05/2022 18:27

We had a spare car that everybody could use when they passed their test.

Original poster
folly115 · 29/05/2022 18:27

Phew glad it isn't a nationwide thing. As I said above quite a few of her friends are from divorced families and the cars come from their dads (not sure if a guilt thing maybe). Funnily enough one of her 2 friends who doesn't have a car waiting have parents who both earn a very comfortable living but don't think she needs a car until she has passed her test.

The ones that have cars for their birthdays generally seem to be the children who you think wouldn't have one if you see what I mean. They are the same children who get brand new iphones and trainers every birthday and christmas.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 29/05/2022 18:27

Of course not. Much better for her to save up, if she needs one. Assuming you haven’t chosen to live in the arse end of nowhere.

if you can afford to get her driving lessons do. Worth getting a license out of the way as soon as possible.

NiceTwin · 29/05/2022 18:28

We bought a car for our dd, it was cheap, because we live very rurally and she would have struggled to afford it. She paid for the insurance, which was one and a half times we paid for the car.

If we couldn't have afforded it, we wouldn't have bought it.

orangeisthenewpuce · 29/05/2022 18:28

No. Even if I could've afforded it I wouldn't have bought my children a car. They had to work for what they wanted.

Awrite · 29/05/2022 18:29

Of course it's not the norm. Even without the cost of living crisis, there's a lot of poverty in the UK.

It may be the norm in some circles but certainly not for the majority.

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