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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how often you arrange play dates?

22 replies

Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 17:16

It may sound a silly question but I have a lot of mum guilt atm. My 4 year old who is very popular at her preschool constantly asks to go see friends every weekend or any holiday days. She has been in her preschool for just over a year and tbh I havent really made any mummy friends with the parents.
The only thing I did do is invite a load of them to her 4th Birthday party last year.
Its so hard, she just gets so bored at home and wants to be with her friends but im not good at socialising myself :(
I feel like Im hindering her but also I always feel if I reached out to one on the weekend they would be busy anyway as its a weekend?

I sometimes see mummy groups in the park with their similar age daughters/sons and dont know why its not the same with me.
I have no family with similar age to my dd. Only her cousin who lives 40 miles out and we see them roughly every 2-3 months.

Just wondering if its just me? I have a 18 month old and I think this is why its an issue as Im looking after her and feel nakard if I have any spare time etc.

OP posts:
XelaM · 29/05/2022 17:19

Why do you need to socialise with the parents? Just invite whoever your daughter wants to your house. The parents will thank you. My daughter has friends over every weekend.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/05/2022 17:19

i guess my situation is different in that lots of my friends had kids at the same time so it’s easy to see them and don’t have to make a huge effort as it’s an easy friendship.

my son started school in sept and we try and invite someone over every other week or so, but I find this harder

Original poster
Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 17:24

@xelam

It seems like alot of parents dont like to this anymore? Well definitely the case where I live. Dont know if its the area but if I invited one of them they would come as well and is so awkward..I would love for some one to drop her friends off would be so much easier

OP posts:
Myleakycauldron · 29/05/2022 17:25

I have a children the same age and it's mainly the occasionally birthday party or seeing my friends with children (rather than child led play dates). I also wouldn't drop and leave at this age! I expect it will pick up at school but in the meantime not that worried about it, we just try to do interesting days out as a family (although not every weekend!)

XelaM · 29/05/2022 17:28

That's odd. I remember my daughter having friends over and going on playdates in Reception. I was never close friends with any of parents - just notmal pleasantries. Just go to soft play or something similar and ask the parent if their kid wants to come along?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/05/2022 17:28

I have a 4yr old and an 18 month old (my 4 year old is in school)- we have play dates weekly- last wkend we went to the local petting farm and met a friend from when she was in nursery there.
I wouldn’t leave my child at someone’s new house, gotta suck up the small talk. I have made some genuine mum friends and others I tolerate & go through the motions (and them me I’m sure)

XelaM · 29/05/2022 17:29

normal*

Original poster
Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 17:36

It must just be me ConfusedSad

I am socially awkward find it so difficult for just normal small talk.

OP posts:
CatDogMonkeyPOW · 29/05/2022 17:39

It will be easier once she is in year 1 I would say, because in my experience that's when more people are willing to just drop kids off rather than stay with them.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/05/2022 17:41

Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 17:36

It must just be me ConfusedSad

I am socially awkward find it so difficult for just normal small talk.

My suggestion is then don’t do an at home play date- meet at a park / farm where there’s an activity. Also you’ll have the toddler to watch it’s a get out clause.

orwellwasright · 29/05/2022 17:42

I see it's accepted without question that it's a mum's role to facilitate a child's social life, even at the weekend.

Send her with her dad. He can endure the play dates.

StuckCompletely · 29/05/2022 17:44

I'm just like you by nature, so I just forced myself to ask friends round. I avoided for a while but realised that I didn't want DS to grow up isolated. It's got easier and now have someone round most weekends. Usually the same group of children. The bonus is DS gets asked back ! Its actually easier to parent because they are happy playing n the garden. If either child starts getting a bit grumpy or it looks like an argument is brewing I whip them up the park to play! I've made quite good friends with a couple of the parents from chatting at pick up which is a bonus.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/05/2022 17:47

orwellwasright · 29/05/2022 17:42

I see it's accepted without question that it's a mum's role to facilitate a child's social life, even at the weekend.

Send her with her dad. He can endure the play dates.

My husband does play dates with his friends- but even though he does more pick up etc- it’s still mainly mums at the school gates, he chats but he wouldn’t think to exchange numbers

ofwarren · 29/05/2022 17:49

I don't do play dates at all.
They see their friends at school all day and then we chill out when they come home.
At the weekend we do something as a family on both days.

Notinthemoodforthis · 29/05/2022 17:54

Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 17:36

It must just be me ConfusedSad

I am socially awkward find it so difficult for just normal small talk.

It’s not just you. I avoided play dates to the max, luckily covid helped for a couple of years and the kids are now at an age where they can be dropped off, same as their friends. If they’re invited I do take them and shortly after I return the favour to the child involved by inviting them over. I’ve never taken the initiative myself. Patiently waiting it out until they’re old enough and the parent contact will completely stop.

Original poster
Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 17:58

Thanks so much. That makes me feel better! It just doesnt help that shesvery popular, chatty and friendly. Can tak for England.
She gets frustrated at home with a teen and toddler. She is also very mature for her age.
Tbh my teen was never like this. She was definitely an introvert but also I had more friends who had children and my sister had my nephew 3 months apart so now theres none of my friends left who havent already had kids n who have grown.
So difficult! Im going to pluck up the courage to ask one of the mums if she wants to meet at a play centre.

OP posts:
Original poster
Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 18:03

My partner is away for four months perhaps why I feel all the pressure is on me and the burden to enteratain to keep her distracted.

OP posts:
orwellwasright · 29/05/2022 18:03

Yeah, that's tiring.

BlackandBlueBird · 29/05/2022 18:16

Don’t worry OP, it won’t be long before play dates are drop off. At 4 my DD‘s friends’ parents would stay; at 5 some wanted to stay and some didn’t; by 6 nobody stayed!

Original poster
Macbeth8 · 30/05/2022 00:22

@stuckcompletely

Aw thats my fear too. If dd grows up isolated :(
How old is your dd? When you say you have kids round most weekends, do the parents just drop them off then come back to pick them up?

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 30/05/2022 01:28

Macbeth8 · 29/05/2022 17:36

It must just be me ConfusedSad

I am socially awkward find it so difficult for just normal small talk.

Not just you. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with the small talk too. I’d rather they drop the child off and come back in a few hours but times have changed.

like a pp I would arrange something at soft play or at the park but you still might have to make small talk unfortunately

mackthepony · 30/05/2022 01:39

To be fair, four is a bit young to be left at someone's house, so I think you're off the hook for another year op

😊😉

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