Partner going on holiday alone

[Coffeeschmoffe]

We were due to go away on holiday over the bank holiday weekend. I have fallen ill (won’t delve into details, but it’s not covid and not something contagious) and it means I likely won’t be able to travel - I am getting better, but don’t want to be away abroad in case the condition flares up.

My partner has said he will book a holiday just for himself to go away if I’m too ill for us to go away together. This upset me, and he responded by telling me I was very selfish because I was making him stay in England for the Jubilee. To clarify, I am not stopping him or telling him he can’t go, but I did express my hurt/dissatisfaction when he suggested this, and I assume he sees it as me trying to guilt-trip him into staying in the UK. He says he doesn’t want to be here for 5 days just “sitting on his arse watching Netflix” and that he’d be “bored out of his mind”. I suggested some alternatives, such as doing some activities together (e.g. a museum) or taking a short city break somewhere in England, but he wasn’t interested - he wants to go abroad.

AIBU to feel put out/hurt by this, or am I indeed being selfish to feel upset that he is going abroad alone on what was meant to be a joint holiday for both of us?

think the alternative you have suggested is a fine compromise.

Do people really think spending ages in bank holiday traffic to spend an hour or so pottering around a museum or a park whilst the entire country stinks of bbqs and weed and patriotic people dressed in red white and blue sing enthusiastically along to Sir Paul McCartney is a fine compromise to a holiday abroad?
If that's what you like its fine but if you like travelling abroad then no its not and even if you like exploring the UK that isn't the weekend to be doing it.

I’d wait and go away with my partner when he’s well enough.

I’m amazed by these responses tbh. He sounds quite mean.

On the assumption there’s no children to consider, I think YABU too.

A few outings to a museum or gallery isn’t the same as going abroad for a holiday.

Is this illness part of a condition or a one off? I have crohns disease and I'd be hurt if my DH went off on holiday without me during a flare up, especially if he'd had plenty of other trips throughout the year, we've always been in it together. I'm not sure I'd be as bothered if I had a cold or something. I do understand how you're feeling though. You want him to want to be with you.

Depending on the holiday… why don’t you go as well and just relax whilst he goes out and about all day?

You could convalesce by the side of a pool or on a sunny hillside in the Sun. You don’t have to go on holiday and tire yourself out doing activities all day.

you can pick and choose what to do whilst there.

We once had to cancel a holiday at the last minute, due to my illness. I really wish that my dh and kids had gone without me. It was the worst feeling knowing that I was responsible for their disappointment. In hindsight I wish I'd insisted that they did.

I think you're being selfish

YANBU OP. If my DH was ill I'd postpone the trip til we could go together and I know he'd do the same. Neither of us would enjoy the holiday knowing the other one was stuck at home feeling unwell. I'd rather be "sat on my arse watching Netflix" with DH than on holiday without him.

He wants to go abroad you can’t. You stay at home and get better and he can go and have the holiday. I’d be annoyed being stuck at home too.

I’d be off abroad too. I wouldn’t see pottering around a museum as a suitable substitute, and assuming he isn’t leaving you looking after children and since you clearly don’t need medical assistance/support from him, I think it’s fine.

I think your comment about not stopping him but expressing your disappointment does smack of a guilt trip.