Would you work here?

[Tubs11]

Currently out on mat leave and suffered a lot of trauma these past 12 months- near death of baby and loss of sibling under tragic circumstances

In both instances my direct line manager didn't contact me, but knew the pressure we were under with both events. I find it really strange they didn't check in or offer condolences.

Would you cut and run or would you return to work?

Can find a similar role pretty easily so that is not an issue.

I'm a line manager myself so interested to hear how people would view this.

My line manager couldn’t even be bothered to check in when I returned after 4 weeks off sick. Took them 5 days to finally acknowledge I was back. 🙄

Some interesting views here

I don't generally socialise with people from work unless its a work function

I'm looking at this more from a culture, valued as an employee pov

They're probably the type who avoid bereaved people leaving them feeling utterly unsupported and unacknowledged.

No I wouldn't leave, I think logically for me it would be over reaction to not being contacted, however completely understandable.

You have been through hell and I am so so sorry for your loss but that said I would not have wanted to be contacted in these circumstances- I prefer my work life to be separate and many other people would not have.

However you may need to feel more than a colleague / number. I like the anonymity that comes with this, you may need to feel valued personally and cared for beyond work from your manager.

Your life outside work is a small small part of your colleagues thoughts or conscious. You are not family or friends, they have shown you this so reflect that loyalty / lack of thought in your responses to them and future career choices.

That said and a manager I would have reached out,

Perhaps they have a company policy of not contacting employees who are off for any reason?

I would have expected a bunch of flowers to be sent on behalf of the company and a reminder of any help you may be able to get through your employee benefits. Something like that.

Sorry to hear about these terrible things.
I think that in the past, bosses were more in touch with an employee’s personal life than they are now. Now we have HR departments there is often quite a gap between the manager and employee. Plus you can end up moving teams quite a lot, so it would be hard for managers to keep up with people’s personal lives. I did feel pretty isolated while in maternity leave, but equally quite liked that as it felt like a proper break from work.

I'm sorry to hear about both your baby (how are they now?) & your sibling.

I think it's very poor form not to send a card/flowers.

I wouldn’t leave a job on those grounds - surely that’s down to whether you like it when you’re there or not.

Lots of work places have a policy of not bothering people on leave. I’d hope they’d acknowledge what you’ve been through on your return, but even if not, I wouldn’t switch jobs on those grounds.

I certainly wouldn't be leaving an otherwise good job just to cut off my nose and make a point

OP's literally suffered the most unimaginable tragedy but yeah .. she's all about the point scoring. Jeez.

I know I’m basing a lot on the way you’ve written just one post, but both of those sound like, “tell one person at work so there’s no-one else there that contacts me”.

I know you specifically didn’t want the due date messages - but at such an awful time, would it have been reasonable for your manager to think you also didn’t want to deal with politely acknowledging their best wishes?

I’m more convinced of that for the KIT day. My line manager is not my friend, but if I was cancelling KIT, I absolutely would have told them directly (albeit via email) not via - presumably HR? I think by not telling them yourself, you set up a barrier that you didn’t want a professional relationship intruding on your personal life.

Tbh, in both cases I do think they should have reached out to you. But I don’t think it’s awful that they didn’t, and certainly not worth leaving a job over.

I think it's a fine line, contacting employees on their leave.

When I had my last maternity leave, my colleagues were upset that I hadn't been in regular contact, which I found weird!

When I came back from that may leave a colleagues brother died. Nobody said a word to her about it. I did and she cried her heart out saying she thought that no-one cared. But the truth is,we just didn't work in that kind of environment. People kept themselves to themselves. I didn't know people's husband's or wives names.

Now I work somewhere quite different. Everyone appears to be friends. Like, actual friends, which is a bit of a culture shock for me.

However, when I'm on leave, I do expect to be left properly alone.

So, basically I'm saying I think this is different in different workplaces.

It seems pretty cruel not to acknowledge what a difficult time you've been through.

If you asked your Manager to let everyone know so that you weren't bombarded with messages, she perhaps took that to mean that you didn't want to be contacted while you were off and wanted to give you space to process in peace.

If your job is otherwise good and you get on with your team and manager normally then no I wouldn't consider leaving a job because of this, it would be like cutting off your nose to spite your face. You may easily be able to find another job but you may not find another team you get on well with, the grass isn't always greener

I can't imagine not reaching out to a colleague in these circumstances.

I think it's a fine line, contacting employees on their leave.

I agree.

There was a thread not that long ago from a OP who was upset that they were contacted whilst not at work under similar circumstances.

I don’t think there’s any right way to do things in these circumstances.

If it’s otherwise a good job then I definitely wouldn’t quit just because of this.

Given you made contact and your line manager was aware, I would at least have expected a message along the lines of 'please contact when you feel ready to talk' or similar.

I'd see what happens when you return to work, having at least researched the alternative job options. Sad to say that there are still some companies who have managers who would be reluctant to employ new mothers.

For every person complaining they were not contacted there will be someone who was contacted that is complaining about being contacted. A lot of companies do not allow contact during mat/sick leave for obvious reasons. Yabu to consider leaving

I have managed big teams in the past and I was thinking that checking in on you would have been the right thing to do and I can’t imagine not doing so. But that was before your update, to me you were sending clear signals don’t contact me please. Particularly if a member of my team sent a message to me about not coming in for KIT day, I would definitely think they don’t want to speak to me right then. I think your manager respected very clear boundaries that you put in place or, at the very least, they genuinely believed that you out in place.

@Aprilx olleague was told to inform several people including my manager as the KIT meeting was not just with LM, but I do take your point on board

@Aprilx that said, should you every find yourself in this position as a line manager, have a good working relationship and you have their contact details then I suggest dropping a line of support as people going through extreme trauma aren't really thinking about you in that instance just how to get the message out there

I think it really depends on your team. Our manager would definitely have sent flowers and a note on behalf of all of us and she would have said that you were welcome to contact her any time if there was any support you needed/wanted.

Sorry for you loss.