Acknowledging my son’s first birthday

[Mangotango123]

It was our son’s first birthday yesterday. He is our only son. He was a really lucky boy and had lots of cards and gifts from my family and friends. We did not so much as get a text message from my husband’s side of the family including his parents.
For context, I’ve always found them to be a bit off in terms of celebrations. When our son was born they didn’t rush to meet him, no gift, no card. According to my husband they ‘don’t do cards’. When he was christened, they all came to church and the little tea party, but again no one came with a gift or even a card - instead brought cans of alcohol when I had previously said no when they randomly asked (it was cup of tea and a cake on a Sunday afternoon, I didn’t want it becoming an excuse for them to have a piss up). At Christmas he was given £40 (direct to my husband), no card. But I have got used to fact that a card wasn’t going to happen.

I always buy for my nieces and nephews on my husband’s side - Xmas and birthdays. Plus we buy for his mum and dad on birthday, Christmas and mothers/Father’s Day.

To not even have a text (let alone gift) yesterday to acknowledge their grandson’s first birthday (I checked with my husband and they didn’t him either) in my eyes is just not what you do, and I wonder how anyone one else would feel in this situation? Would you say something? I’m always very polite to them, and get on well with them, but I’m at a point where I just sort of think F you really!

Don’t waste energy and time trying to put your ideas of what they should on them. They dont do cards etc so don’t expect them. If your happy sending cards etc carry on if not stop

Their interaction the rest of the time is a bit non descriptive too tbh. I get on well with them when I see them. They just seem a bit emotionally defunct than the standard person. I had relatives/friends who I don’t see that often make effort to wish my son a happy birthday yesterday. His mother is planning a jubilee BBQ this week (all she’s banged on about) and I’ve had messages requesting I bake a cake and bring a dish … minded not to bother, so within those messages she could have just messaged and said ‘Happy Birthday to X, hope he has a great day, see him later on in the week’. It’s the fact it was completely not mentioned I find so weird.

Weird, bad mannered and odd of them. When our DCs turned one both sets of grandparents came for tea and cake, and brought cards and a small gift, obviously the DC were unaware at the time but it's nice for them to look back on the photos, especially as all their grandparents have since passed away

I'm sorry but they sound like a bunch of hillbilly weirdos! I would be telling her to stuff her Jubilee bollocks up her arse.
To not even acknowledge your own little Grandson's first birthday is unbelievably mean and imo shows them to be self absorbed to a very odd degree. I wouldn't even give them houseroom.

If it has always been the same I wouldn't have expected any different.

It's unusual behaviour I'd accept it is their way going forward treating them the same, you'll save a small fortune.
"nowt as strange inlaws"

People are different. They don’t celebrate birthdays. You tried to ban alcohol at celebration. They probably think you’re as weird as you do them.

So long as they’re not actively unpleasant, and it doesn’t sound like they are, you need to accept that they have different values and habits to you.

And yeah, FFS, stop buying them stuff! They don’t want it. They may be horrified by your profligate and environmentally damaging consumerism. Or just can’t be bothered with swapping unwanted tat several times a year.

I organised and arranged the christening - I don’t really think it’s the occasion that calls for alcohol. Plus they get rowdy/drunk every time they drink as they take it to the extreme so I didn’t want that at my son’s christening - I don’t know who would. If I’m hosting an event I’m allowed to set the rules. Again there they didn’t bring so much as a card with a fiver in, but rocked up with their cans - I think that speaks volumes really.

I agree it’s probably something I have to resign myself to getting used to.

His mum never seems to be ‘horrified’ by my gifts when she’s scoffing down her chocolates and necking her Baileys shortly after opening them. Unfortunately no exchange takes place as they gift bugger all back 🤷🏻‍♀️

How many grandchildren do your PIL have? And where does your DS come?

I wouldn't go to their jubilee party - no frigging way. If your DH wants to go that's his choice and I certainly wouldn't be baking a cake!

Probably because it's easier, Christmas you just need to get everyone a gift for the same date but you have to remember lots of birthdays during the year. I'd be hurt as well but just do the same back and stop buying them gifts xx

You say this is what they're like, why did you think they'd magically change?

I organised and arranged the christening - I don’t really think it’s the occasion that calls for alcohol.

Not in the church but afterwards christenings are often an occasion for alcohol.

You're very different people, you can put the differences to the side or create a lifelong distaste for each other.

YABU to expect them to change "just" because you've had a baby. YANBU to have hoped for better but it sound like your ds has plenty òf more demonstrative people around him. Y would not BU to stop making and effort with gifts/cards for people who don't reciprocate.

Lower your expectations towards these people to save yourself disappointment. Really. My husband's family is the same, so I know what you're talking about.