Forcing 13 year old to see dad

[Howdoidoit100]

I'm after some advice and guidance from you knowledgeable lot. :-)

My son is 13 and has always had a turbulent relationship with his Dad. There has been regular violence and swearing etc from him towards his Dad when he is angry. DS says his Dad is rough with him, but DS Dad says it's more that DS gets hurt when he tried to restrain him (which sounds correct). I do not have this behaviour at my house and I would not tolerate it, he knows there would be significant consequences.

For the past few months DS has refused to go to his dad's house, rarely answers dad's texts and calls and just doesn't want to engage with him. DS Dad is angry at me and says that DS lies to me about what happens at his place and that it's up to me to facilitate their relationship and I need to make him visit. I'm not sure how I can force him, but I do frequently encourage him to make contact and ask him if he wants to go see him. DS responds with a hard 'no'.

Little back story, DS struggles emotionally and has counselling. A few years ago a referral (by counsellor) was put through to social services about emotional abuse from his dad. School also urged me to 'take protective steps'. Contact stopped for about 4 months, DS decided he wanted contact again, social services weren't bothered about the situation so I let contact resume.

Do I think Dad is emotionally abusive? Yes. Do I want him to have a relationship with his Dad? Yes, but a healthy one, not as it is at the moment.

The question is, should I force DS to see his Dad and if so how?

just thought I would reply from a Social worker perspective to say that your are doing the right thing by supporting your sons wishes. At his age he cannot be forced to go to dad's and if dad was to apply to court for contact then your sons views would be listened to and I very much doubt a judge would try and force a teenager to have contact with dad when he clearly didn't want to. If dad is sending messages that are upsetting your son he needs to change his number or block dad and you need to explain the situation to dad. If he then goes down the legal route that's up to him but you will have done all you can from your end so don't let him bully you either as I imagine he was likely abusive to you in some way or another previously and this is a continuation of that behaviour with him blaming you for son not wanting contact.

Thank you, that is reassuring.

He wasn't abusive to me when we were together, this is something that started when DS developed their own mind. I think DS dad has mental health issues and that's what is causing all this. I've done my best to help him but he won't listen to my advice anymore and sees me as the enemy.

He can drag me through the court if he wants but I suspect it will upset DS further. DS knows how much grief I am getting from his Dad and keeps apologising for it. Its not his fault. If I get taken to court, so be it.

If a 13 year olds mother gets taken to family court, they will take into account the wishes of the child. The courts can't force him at that age.