Feel like I am going to have a breakdown from sleep issues

[Parrot17]

Ds1(preschooler) woke up at 1. I had to lie on their cold hard floor til they went back to sleep, which took over 1.5 hours. I crept out of the room and he woke again as soon as I crossed the threshold of this bedroom. It took 30 mins to resettle him and as soon as he drifted back off, DS2 (baby) woke up.

I have just settled the baby and I can hear DS1 is awake again with DH. He seems to have lost all ability to sleep this week and because I don't know why I'm super anxious.

So even once they're finally both asleep it takes me a while to drift off.

I feel like I am slowly going insane. I don't even think the amount of sleep I'm getting is that bad for a parent of two small children, but it's just the mental torture of having no control which is really getting to me. Feeling absolutely mentally awful, I don't know how much longer I can fight off a breakdown with nights like this. I want to scream and runaway where no-one needs me.

Totally understand and sympathise, OP. The worry of when the next wake up will be, and listening out for it, is almost too much to bear. Can you and your DH assign responsibility for a child each while the sleep is bad? I presume you're on mat leave - so the baby is "yours" and your eldest is "DH's"? Divide and conquer - that's the only way we've got through poor sleep phases in two in the past.

Is your eldest usually a better sleeper?

All my sympathy! I'm in a similar place with similar age boys. I've had times when I got much less sleep but felt ten times better. There's something tortuous about it when you thought you were in a good routine and it all slides backwards.

Since he had Covid my DS20m suddenly wants to nurse all night, and doesn't take kindly to being cut off. DS4 has night terrors and also likes to pop in for a chat at 2am 🤦‍♀️

My mom says 'gosh i don't remember any of you being like that you were all just great sleepers.' So I'm assuming this will all be a distant memory one day and we'll be telling ours sons they must have slept well because we can't remember any bad nights!

In the meantime be good to yourself and do what you need to for survival. People expect you to keep on giving and giving but when you're sleep deprived you have to say 'enough' sometimes and sneak off somewhere to stare at a wall till your nerves are restored.

Thank you both, I feel less alone and understood. Dh doesn't get it at all as he falls asleep in seconds and can sleep through screaming.

@KeepYaHeadUp , I usually do it all as DH works in the day but when sleep is really bad we do divide and conquer. That's not worked this week as DS1 will cry for me, and then wake DS2 by crying (that was yesterday's fun when the night ended for everyone at 4.30).
He usually is a great sleeper, about 11 hours. He has been waking more to sneak into our bed since DS2 was born but usually goes back to sleep quickly. Never experienced anything like this week with him. So now I'm stressing he will now be like this forever and I'll never sleep again...

@Orcasmom exactly, I've had worse times with sleep when DS was a newborn but this feels a million times harder.
So interesting about your LO as i have been thinking that DS1 may have covid, and I read it can cause insomnia. He's been off his food all week, occasionally saying his tummy hurts, and I've just woken up with a burning throat and banging head. When DS1 sleeps poorly there's usually a virus involved so hopefully it's that and just temporary. He tries really hard to go to sleep bless him but just tosses and turns, I felt so helpless watching him.
Sounds like you're in a very similar position, I send you strength!
Yes my family doesn't get it at all either and makes me feel like.i have difficult children. They must have just forgotten.

If you have a spare room you go in there with the baby and put ds in your bed with dh.

As you are exhausted could you go to bed early - say 8pm just to catch up with your husband staying up to let you sleep (as you say he is not great at waking up) - maybe he could stay up until 2am the first night to help you recover but until 11/midnight maybe after that so you can get a chunk of sleep before the disturbances start. Close your door and ask him to chill/read close to the kids.

Alternatively can you organise a way to get a chunk of sleep in the day as a one off - some annual leave/childcare or your husband take a days leave and you stay in bed?