I posted this before but I can’t find the thread sorry
Basically I’ve got IBS and it’s made me scared of food. I’ve tried eliminating food groups to try and work out a trigger but im not winning. When Im having a flare up I hate leaving the house and would ideally stay in
for however many days it takes to stop but obviously this isn’t possible and it’s so hard to manage with uni, work and friends and I basically live in fear
of the cramps starting or suddenly having to run to the toilet.
I found that the only way to control the symptoms and let me have a normal life was to stop eating altogether. Obviously this isn’t a long-term solution but I realised I could make the symptoms stop by avoiding food or only eating as little as possible, like 100 calories a day. It was handy for stopping flare ups when I had a long week at work ahead or uni exams or plans with my friends. After all, if I don’t eat them I won’t have diarrhoea. The longest I didn’t eat for was over a week and I surprisingly felt fine, however I ended up in hospital and wasn’t well but that was because of the IBS flare up itself rather than the not eating.
I used to be fine with food but now I’ve made myself hate it. I know that not eating is unhealthy and I don’t want to make myself more unwell so since then I’ve been eating again and forcing myself to go out with my friends and eat at their houses and be normal but it’s always in the back of my mind that I’m terrified of a flare up starting or suddenly getting cramps or diarrhoea. I really hate eating now and even though I still manage to do it, I spend all day dreading it and worrying about it starting the IBS and I honestly feel like a failure for eating. One part of my brain is telling me not to be so stupid and obviously I have to eat, but the other part is saying not to because then I know I won’t have any IBS symptoms and everything will be better
It’s embarrassing to admit but a few times after eating I completely panicked that I shouldn’t have eaten and it was in my stomach so I made myself vomit to get it out. I know it’s ridiculous but I told myself it’s better I make myself sick and get it out because then I’m controlling it rather then having all that food in my stomach and suddenly having the IBS kick off. I only did it a couple of times and I’m not doing it anymore because I know it’s a bad habit to get into but I just wanted to get the food out of me
I want to go back to being able to eat without stressing or feeling like this. Even though physically I’m making myself eat again, I feel so horrible in my head after it and I feel like such a failure. Has anyone ever had this or similar experiences and have any advice/tips? I don’t have an eating disorder and my BMI is like 19/20 so I’m not underweight and I’m not trying to lose weight, I just wanted the IBS to stop
Any advice or tips or anything about how to feel better about eating would be much appreciated!!