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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with one upmanship from ExH?

21 replies

HolidayGazumping · 28/05/2022 14:49

I’ve been saving for over a year to take my DC on a very special holiday next Easter. We’ve all been talking about it for ages and the kids can’t wait, I’d already mentioned it to ExH as it would mean switching one of his weekends and he was fine about it.

ExH has been in touch today to say that he is taking the kids to the exact same location this summer. ExH is a very high earner and so has upgraded the flights and has booked a far more expensive hotel and lots of additional extras for the children.

I feel completely gutted. It’s lovely that the children are going to have such an exciting holiday but his choice of destination and timing feels like a kick in the face for me.

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 28/05/2022 14:53

im guessing Disney?

it does seem odd to book the same place. However look at it like this. By the end of this summer his holiday will be over and the kids will still have yours to look forward too. In all honesty just because he can afford luxuries or extras doesn’t mean his holiday will be any better than yours. It’s often the little things that children remember from these holidays.

id try to put it out of your mind and just focus on the positive things about the holiday you have planned.

DenholmElliot1 · 28/05/2022 14:55

As a PP said, it'll be nice for the kids to have something to look forward to as soon as they get back so don't worry about it.

My best friend used to do things like this to her ex husband. It's really mean and spiteful. Don't tell him any future plans.

Pippainthegarden · 28/05/2022 14:58

How mean, however have faith it will work out and sure you’ll have the best time ever with your dc despite him doing this

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 28/05/2022 14:59

That's fine. Your kids can show you round, be the experts. Swap roles, let them be 'in charge'. They'll live it - especially if they can talk to you about it when they get back and get all excited about showing you, going to bits they missed.

Make that part of your planning, enjoy their joy of it.

And grit your teeth and smile....

BiscoffSundae · 28/05/2022 15:00

Stop telling him things? My kids dad doesn’t see them and would never take them on holiday so whilst I get that your sad I bet your kids aren’t! They must be over the moon but yeh stop telling him things

Bopahula · 28/05/2022 15:03

Oh what a dickhead. I hate it when people do this.
I like the idea of making it "them in charge", how old are your kids? I took my DD to Disneyland Paris about a year apart and the difference in activities was huge, so don't assume they will do everything whilst they are there.

And next time, keep it a surprise for them until the term before if possible so he can't spoil it for you.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 28/05/2022 15:03

Lead him on that you're planning a dream trip to Aberdeen next summer.

Testina · 28/05/2022 15:04

That’s downright nasty of him. What a prick.

My experience of holidays as a divorced parent is that kids’ favourite part is unpredictable and random. So I might feel outdone by his huge hotel suite, then it turns out making a nest with a sheet over a rickety old bunk bed is the memory that prevails… not always, but surprisingly often it’s either something cheap or just random that is enjoyed. So in general - just try to let it go that he can splash the cash.

On this specific trip… you might find that their favourite thing becomes the excitement of going back or of getting to be the expert to you.

Once they’ve been, MN might be able to help with suggestions for your trip - a nearby activity or place they didn’t do.

In the meantime, quietly curse him whilst being upbeat to your kids that you want them to tell you all about it and you can’t wait to have them as your expert guides.

Isaidnoalready · 28/05/2022 15:04

How spiteful of him

I once asked my ex if the world would end of he had an original idea

JustTheOneSwan · 28/05/2022 15:05

It's spiteful but you can take advantage.
Tell the kids to take note of the five favourite best bits so you can target your version.
Then when they are back focus on a tailored version for them rather than an upgraded one.

supersizeforaquid · 28/05/2022 15:05

Kids don’t notice the extras or monetary value like we do, they will just want a fun parent and fun holiday
i imagine it’s things like this that make him an ex

supersizeforaquid · 28/05/2022 15:06

Plus they can show you all their favourite rides and you can learn what didn’t got well in his holiday so yours is better 😁

jackstini · 28/05/2022 15:20

What a knobhead - that's mean of him and I would be upset and frustrated too (but hide it from the dc)

Depending on the holiday - do you want to change yours to somewhere completely different or still go to the same place but do things very differently

Am guessing Florida but if it's not too outing and you can say I bet people can give you some fab ideas to make yours more memorable

starlingdarling · 28/05/2022 15:40

I can see why you're upset but it's great for the children. Use it against him and start getting them some epic experiences. "Oh I'm planning a holiday to Thailand next year" "I'm going to take them to this theme park next year" You don't actually have to go, just think of what they'd enjoy and plant the seed in his mind. Even if he's the amazing Disney dad now they'll understand the disparity in what you can both afford when they're older.

Chocolatehamper · 28/05/2022 15:41

I'd book to go to the same place, at the same time.

Because you won't have to pay for the kids you can upgrade and then you can turn up at any of the events he's arranged - and paid for - and still have a fab time with your kids knowing he's had to pay for it!

He can't stop you going and he'll look crap in front of his kids if he stopped you joining in with them... might take some cojones to do it but I'm bloody minded!!!

JustTheOneSwan · 28/05/2022 15:47

Excellent idea from @Chocolatehamper! Get your tigertits on and do it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/05/2022 16:01

Have you actually booked and paid for it yet?

After all, once he's chucked his penile insecurities wallet at it, if you haven't, you could take them somewhere else - maybe if he's done the trailing around the land of Mouse Money, your children might enjoy some sort of safari holiday? So they talk about the time Daddy took them to Disneyland and they had big ice creams, but when Mummy took them on holiday, they saw lions and elephants and went in a balloon...?

Testina · 28/05/2022 17:25

@NeverDropYourMooncup that’s a really really really bad idea. The XH is described as a “very higher earner” - OP is never going to be able to compete financially. That way madness lies, even thinking about it - let alone trying. She also has an ex who clears thinks nothing of upstaging her.

Far better to just go her own way, and be comforted that it really is the truth that children’s favourite experiences and memories are not always the most expensive.

jackstini · 31/05/2022 13:44

@HolidayGazumping - what did you decide to do?

Original poster
HolidayGazumping · 31/05/2022 18:41

I’ve decided to delay our planned holiday as it’s not booked yet and it seems silly to go to the same place twice so close together.

We’re having a cheap and cheerful beach holiday next summer instead and I’ll do the big holiday the next spring.

Thank you for your replies

OP posts:
MzHz · 31/05/2022 18:43

Good for you!! Well played!

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