Overprotective over deep water or is this a common fear?

[Plantpot45]

i have always had a massive fear of my children drowning. To a point where I think if I leave them to it, and adopt a more relaxed attitude around open water then it will 100% happen. This I realise is a bit irrational. My older children have learnt to swim and are old enough to know not to just jump into a deep flowing river or an open quay for example… so they I don’t have any fear over. They are safe in my eyes with an adult present but no need to hold them back I can just suggest they move away from the edge…

but my 4 year old (and when my others were little) just sent/sends me into a frenzy. I could cry around it and just hate it. It doesn’t help that he is really busy and active and just thinks he’s invincible.

This morning I took them to feed the ducks at the quay. Very dark and murky water and very strong undercurrents. I have no idea how deep it is but because I don’t know it’s worse. I tried to stay calm but said can we all just stand away from inches toward the edge please and eventually he was just closer and closer and I just said right all the seed is gone let’s go and tried to pull him back but he struggled to get away from me. This ramps up my anxiety because he’s more likely to fall in this way. Everyone else and their kids are just casual and relaxed. I think I must look mental worrying about it and being so overprotective but it scares the life out of me. He carried on trying to get away from me and ended up tripping over my foot, grazing his elbow and crying. Cue the staring.

Am I being overprotective/unreasonable or is this a rational and normal fear? How much fear do you all have around young children and deep water?

“If people are gawping at you maybe they should be looking at their own laissez-faire attitude to water safety and not yours.”

if you read the OP they were staring after the OP’s child fell over and hurt themselves whilst trying to get away from her after she tried to pull them away. I’m vigilant around water with my 4yo and 2yo but I’ve never had anyone staring at me because of the way my vigilance is applied. If this outcome for the OP isn’t unusual then I don’t understand why she would continue to take them to a supposedly fun activity in a place where her anxiety levels are so high that the result is everyone upset and/or hurt.

You are not being unreasonable, OP. I remember feeling like this when going over a bridge with a low wall! My children are 21 and 18 now.

Seems pretty sensible. I work in a role that requires us to have a ‘working over water’ training certificate which we renew every 5 years. The risks associated with water are no joke. We have it emphasised constantly that you never get in water to try to rescue someone otherwise you are likely to become a victim yourself. The company who train us are nominally a water ‘rescue’ team but the guy explained that unless he’s there when you get into difficulties his job is more realistically ‘recovery’ of a body. Never take chances with water!

So it seems my concern is rational but my anxious behaviours are not so. I obviously know that or I wouldn’t be posting asking as an underlying feeling that the way I’m handling this is not normal.

we go here maybe once every month or so. The reason I go is because I don’t want them to feel like they’re missing out because of my anxiety. Feeding the ducks is a cheap (practically free) activity and there are lots of swans there and it’s beautiful… but… usually we go on the other side where the water is very shallow as the quay sort of starts if that makes sense. This time we walked this way and they saw a load of swans and said ‘can we feed them here’. I didn’t assess the risk at that moment appropriately and should have said no let’s go where we normally go. It just brought to light further my anxiety. They also absolutely love crabbing but this is even worse and the area where we go crabbing is even more dangerous so I literally avoid it like the plague. My husband on the other hand is just rediculously laid back and it makes me feel so uncomfortable so I just avoid doing it. Even as a strong swimmer some weather and sea conditions make it stupid to even attempt going to these places

I feel like that; in a large part because I’m not a strong swimmer

how strong are these currents?

Well you're probably more relaxed than me as there would be absolutely no way I'd be feeding the ducks off a deep quay with strong currents with my DC (6&4). DD(6), who can swim, already has float to live drummed into her and I'm on full alert feeding the ducks at fairly shallow ponds with DS(4) because he's a bit of a menace! I wouldn't be fussed going crabbing though as long as it was somewhere relatively sensible, although again I'd be on full alert at all times. I do feel that many people are too lax around water.

I live near canals and find it very stressful if we go a walk near one, my youngest who is the same age will get far too close and still doesn't have a sense of balance and danger so I have to hold onto them the whole time.

However I'm not sure why youd take your spirited, thinks he is invincible 4 year old anywhere near deep murky water!^^

I am hyper vigilant by water: I grew up by the sea and it was drummed into me. I think many people are just idiots with water so I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be protective but if the location is causing you to feel so anxious I wouldn’t be making it a trip with an unruly 4 yo.

My 3yo is unpredictable and until she becomes more sensible there are certain things I just won’t do with her. My eldest was generally much more compliant but went through a phase in her swimming lessons where she wasn’t listening and was jumping in the pool once I’d got out. She had some very big tellings off from her teacher but still had to be watched like a hawk around water.

I'm exactly the same. I'm still terrified of water. In pools I need to be by the edge or the shallow end. I didnt learn until I was 11. My mum is also terrified and cant swim. I was desperate not to pass on the fear so mine both have lessons. I went mad when my youngest ran around the pool ( deep end). I must've looked manic