To report an historical sexual assault?

[HappyHen17]

I’m mid 40s when I was late teens I was raped at a festival. I started a relationship with a man in his early 20s a few months later, I was 18. I told him what had happened and we had a good relationship and had consensual sex. One night his family were away and we had a romantic night where he cooked for me and was a real gentleman. I don’t remember if we had sex or not but I fell asleep naked in his bed and woke to him trying to have sex with me in a way that was specific to the sexual assault which he knew was traumatic for me. I froze and tried to get through it but couldn’t. I vomited everywhere, tried to escape the house and did. I left it at that. I’d forgotten where the house was and myself and my family moved two streets down a few years ago, I avoid the house but a few days ago I saw the perpetrator driving his work van and I just felt so angry. I know I should have reported it then but I was not in a good place. Now he’s the dad of kids with autism so I imagine life isn’t the easiest. His mum is best friend with my neighbour. AIBU? Report or just carry on moving on?

Hello OP. I don't think anyone can tell you whether you should or should not report, that's for you to decide, but it isn't an easy journey. Did you report the actual rape at the time or since? Do you know who the perpetrator of that was? I understand you're talking about the later assault but I just wanted to clarify about the rape.

I don't think i would, to be honest. He deserves to be punished but conviction rates are pretty much non existent for rape and sexual assault and you'd have to go through reporting it and potentially being dragged through the court. I have absolutely every sympathy with you and i wish with all my heart i could say a resounding "yes, report it, justice will be done" but I think reporting it would drag up all the trauma again and then some only for you to see him walk free. I'm sorry.

I honestly don't know OP. I've got a similar situation in that I've suddenly been thrown back into an acquaintance relationship with someone connected with an assault/grooming situation when I was a young teen. I'd not seen them for 20 yrs until a few months ago. It's not an acquaintance I can avoid, I'm finding it quite hard. I had some counselling about it from a women's abuse charity, and they advised against reporting it as the process is often traumatic and unsucessful. Don't know if that helps you at all really, but you have my sympathy

Could you speak to a charity equipped with knowledge around these kind of cases?

I feel for you OP. Whatever you decide to do I hope you recover.

Counselling may help OP.

I would also say leave it and go and speak to a therapist about your thoughts

I think in this case I agree with the above. You have already said you can’t remember whether you had sex or not. His defence could then exploit that saying you remember incorrectly or it didn’t happen or you asked him to do and consented. It would be very much your word vs his and he of course could also deny anything happened. It would be very difficult to get a conviction in my opinion based on beyond a reasonable doubt.

I wouldn't report at this stage. I would carry on moving on if possible, as you say in your first post. It's a horrible situation to unexpectedly be near him again though

The man at the festival sounds appalling. I am so sorry.

Thanks everyone. It was just such a shock to see him again. I think I will leave it as the thought of having to relive it and be questioned is awful. The festival person wasn’t reported, I didn’t know his name and as it was at Glastonbury the chances of finding him would be very slim.