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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be happy about this?

27 replies

PileItUp · 27/05/2022 14:10

If your ex moved into his girlfriend's house and then your kids had to sleep on the sofa every time they stayed with their dad?

Would you say anything?

YABU - it's absolutely fine.

YANBU - he shouldn't have moved somewhere they had no space of their own and you should raise it.

OP posts:
MelonsMelonsMelons · 27/05/2022 14:13

How old are the kids?

How many kids?

What are the sleeping arrangements? Number of rooms, etc.

Holly60 · 27/05/2022 14:16

MelonsMelonsMelons · 27/05/2022 14:13

How old are the kids?

How many kids?

What are the sleeping arrangements? Number of rooms, etc.

Why on earth does that matter? No I'd be absolutely fuming and to be honest i don't think I'd let them go until they had a bedroom and beds to sleep in.

How awful for them.

Original poster
PileItUp · 27/05/2022 14:17

8 & 13

He moved from a rented place with enough space into her 2 bedroom (her daughter has the other room I believe).

OP posts:
MelonsMelonsMelons · 27/05/2022 14:19

I think it’s unreasonable, and I’d raise it.

Zemw · 27/05/2022 14:19

They should at least have blow up beds.

What do the children say about it ?

CherryRipe1 · 27/05/2022 14:25

Was he having financial difficulties and forced to move out & in with his g/f? I'd have thought at least get blow up or zed beds for the kids.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 27/05/2022 14:27

You should absolutely raise it. Children need space and proper sleep in a bed. Do you have a formal agreement with him (ie. Court-ordered)? If so, does it say anything about provisions for children?

Ramsbottom · 27/05/2022 14:28

Well he’s not going to move out again so…

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 27/05/2022 14:35

No, they needs beds and a smidgen of privacy.

Do they need to sleep there? Can they just stay home with you?

Original poster
PileItUp · 27/05/2022 17:15

Youngest isn't too bothered but eldest is not enjoying it. They are boy / girl too so it's not ideal.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 27/05/2022 17:18

He's done a very selfish thing IMO. The DC will feel they are not high on his list of priorities and the eldest is getting to an age where they may vote with their feet and simply stop going to their Dad's if they don't feel welcome or comfortable.

SpeedofaSloth · 27/05/2022 17:19

YANBU.

darisdet · 27/05/2022 17:20

Eight and 13 both sleeping on the sofa. No, that's not acceptable.

TheFairyNamedMary · 27/05/2022 17:23

Maybe he wants to live with his gf and they just don’t have room so the kids have the fun of sleeping on the sofa day. I used slip on one of those Z-bed things at my Nans and I was to scared to move incase it collapsed.. I did move and it never collapsed. But it made a change from sleeping in a bed

SunshineCake · 27/05/2022 17:24

I would not be impressed. He is clearly putting himself before the kids. I would tell them they don't have to go if they don't want until he gets them proper beds.

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 27/05/2022 17:38

I wouldn't be having that, especially for the 13yo and if it's ever on school nights.

Selfish tosser.

unicornsarereal72 · 27/05/2022 17:48

It's shit and I can't imagine how the kids feel. Mine have been sleeping on his bedroom floor for last few years. Eldest voted with their feet. Youngest was ok until recently. They are now on sofa so they have some privacy.

Youngest isn't bothered over all its 'good fun' and it's a lively household. I'm sure when puberty hits they might feel different. They get sod all sleep and have missed a few Mondays off school

I've raised it. There is nothing he can do about it. His gf has her kids and there is no room for ex's kids other than sofa.

When he first left social services were involved for different reasons the sleeping arrangements were not on their radar in anyway.

ATadConfused · 27/05/2022 17:52

How often do they stay with him?

lunar1 · 27/05/2022 17:53

Nope, as a one of fair enough, but not as a regular arrangement. How often do they see him?

lunar1 · 27/05/2022 17:53

One off, not of!

Stompythedinosaur · 27/05/2022 17:54

I'd take this as a signal he was trying to stop overnight contact tbh. I assume his dc aren't a priority for him.

underneaththeash · 27/05/2022 17:56

That's pretty poor. The 13 yo is old enough to say they're not going to stay though.

Aubree17 · 27/05/2022 20:13

He's down something that is really detrimental to his relationship with his children.

A detrimental relationship isn't in the best interest of your children, so I would start looking for practical ways to solve it.

Albeit it's him whose created the situation.

Could the children just visit his more frequently instead of having sleepovers?

What a daft idiot he is to put his new relationship before that with his children.

Strawberriesaregreat · 27/05/2022 20:15

No he needs to get a couple of airbeds at least. They're not expensive.

Concestor · 27/05/2022 21:03

Actually on a sofa, or a sofabed? They still shouldn't be sharing at that age though. But a sofabed is not as bad.