To say no to renting a room?

[Mxflamingnoravera]

I've put myself in a very awkward situation. I'm out of work and looking for a job and so when someone on a local Facebook group asked if anyone had a room to rent, I answered "I might".

So tonight a young woman came round to look at the room, she's from Ukraine. Shes a nice woman. She's in her 20s. I'm in my 60s,

I've lived alone for 15 years and I've realised I don't think I can share my space. She has until next Wednesday to find somewhere. The more I think about it the more I realise I've made a massive mistake in letting her come and see the room as she wants it, but I want to pull out. It fills me with anxiety that I will be sharing my space (bathroom, fridge etc) and I don't even feel reasonable to ask any of the things I'd expect from any other lodger (deposit etc) because she's from Ukraine (came here just before the invasion) and I've dug myself into a pit.

I told her I'd let her know by Tuesday, pending a job outcome (totally true if I get the job I won't need a lodger- but now I know where she's from I feel I have to "do my bit" and I'm not comfortable about having a stranger in my home, she's now texting me pleading to let her have the room. What the heck do I do? I thought I could do it for the extra money for bills etc but now I've realised I can't. I feel like a shit.

What do I tell her? How do I live with the guilt of letting her down?

AIBU to say I'm sorry but the room is no longer available and wish her luck?

YANBU to change you mind now that reality has set in. There’s nothing wrong with backing out. I wouldn’t make her wait until Tuesday though, you should tell her as soon as possible that you won’t be letting the room out so she can start looking elsewhere.

Look it will be worse if you let her move in and then fall out. Take a small amount of awkwardness now Vs genuine problems later on.

I'm like you in that I know myself and that I cannot share my house with anyone apart from my husband and kids. Student house sharing went badly!

I don't know about her having to leave where she is when I said Tuesday, she's just texted to say this. This partly what's really triggered the anxiety.

I need to find the words to let her down tonight, I agree.

Tell her now, be direct no, need for an explanation.

I'm so sorry but I will no longer be renting the room. I wish you all the best

Yes, you're right, that's what I thought you'd all say. Thanks I just needed someone to reassure me that it's ok for me to say no.

Yes - this is spot on

Just say “I’m sorry but due to my current situation, I can’t take on any lodgers at this time. The room is not available to rent. Please accept my apologies and best wishes.”

Ok done it. Now feeling a bit sick and guilty, but it's done. Thanks all.

Much better to do it now than a few months after she's moved in and you're at your wits end. Well done.

She's asked if she's offended me, I feel awful.
I've written back to say no it's me that just can't share my space and I'm very sorry.

You've been honest. Don't forget it would have been worse if she had moved in.

Don’t feel guilty about it. You had the best intentions but couldn’t go through with it. It’s perfectly understandable. You’ve done the right thing by calling it off.

She's still pleading. Offering to do all the cleaning. I've learned not to make such off the cuff, unthought through offers. I did only say "I might".

You might have to block her.

Youve made the right decision, I think you should block her number now, otherwise the more desperate she gets the more she could be hasseling you.....and from feeling guilty you might just give in 💐

It was kind of you to want to help but you've realised in reality you'll struggle.
That's fine.
Tell her asap, honesty is the best policy.

Sorry didn't read any further than your op.
You've told her no and explained that it wasn't anything she's done wrong so i wouldn't reply anymore. If she continues to text then i would block her number as you are within your rights to change your mind without her guilting you.

Could you point her in the direction of other accommodation websites?

But don’t worry, OP, it happens. I’ve been both of your positions (firstly when someone let me down after promising me a room- at least you haven’t done that; 2nd when I had to pretend I was moving up North!).

Now I also couldn’t share my space and would rather live in my car than live with others ever again.

If she keeps messaging you I'd send her one more text and say you are sorry but you no longer wish to rent out the room and block her.