To not understand claims that life admin is 'not a thing'

[LabradorsInThePond]

I keep reading this on MN threads about organisation, time management etc. And that the life admin tasks of renewing insurances and checking mortgage rates can't take up that much time. But I spend a huge amount of time in the throes of life admin. We live a pretty normal, busy family life. I work 4 days in a professional role and can easily spend the 5th day (or at least half of it) in the throes of dreaded life admin.

My list tomorrow extends to twenty three separate items. None of which involve renewing insurances, but they do include buying clothing items (Scout shirt etc.), paying instrument hire, photocopying medical reports for school, booking airport parking, collecting worming tablets, booking a restaurant, buying zoo tickets, arranging a delivery of flowers for mum's birthday, an online grocery shop, buying a thank you gift, arranging a birthday party, booking a roofer, buying new windscreen wipers, emailing the GP, updating kids' Nimbl cards, finding a way to teach DS about dividing decimals, paying various people online etc.

None of these are yearly tasks, and next week there will be another 23 items to complete. It is relentless. DH does most of the house and long-term financial admin and he's also executing his father's too-complicated will, which makes my 23 items look like peanuts.

Do we just have an over-committed life, or does anyone one else find (what others consider non-existent) life admin burdensome and time-consuming? What am I doing wrong here?

I have the solution! The kettle boilers can work as PAs for the list writers. There would be no salary, but they would be well compensated in opportunities to judge the list writers and feel efficient and smug while doing it. How does that sound? Anyone want to come and be my PA? 😀

I very rarely have to get refunds for stuff so I guess that's one thing less on my 'list'

I agree OP, my to do list on my only day off in the last 2 weeks had 25 items on it. Many school, birthday related but also financial things, applying for passport etc etc. almost all were urgent.
it is relentless and that’s with DH pulling his weight too. I consider myself an organised person but it’s the sheer volume of work that comes with having a couple of kids with loads of activities!

I find you quite hilarious.

Your teens have to fit in with you? Is that what you are saying? Your force your teens to do all these things with you?

You insist your annual leave must be spent away from home, is that your teens having to fit in with you? Or is it that your kids are quite happy with these things like mine are.

Do you imagine teens must only be happy with their families set up if it’s like yours?

Oddly, I can sit on a Greek island. Then later in the year also go to the Trafford centre. That’s not the choice is it?

it’s the choice between going to the Trafford centre or ordering clothes for multiple kids off different sites then getting them to try them all on, decide what they like and having to arrange to send shed loads back and then spending the next few days tracking refunds. The conversation started with shopping for kids clothes and how all that must be done to get the kids any clothes.

it’s a choice between enjoying my everyday life and only enjoying life when I am away from my normal life. We holiday to travel and see new things. We don’t look forward to it as an escape from our day to day lives.

my kids enjoy a range of different activities. Sports (some indoor and some outdoor), cooking, walking the dogs, meals with family, travel, visiting my dad or going out with their friends.

You seem determined to prove your life is so busy you have to do everything the long way round and that, that’s is stressful. But that that is the only right way and anyone else either has to be less busy, a selfish person, a selfish parent or generally couldn’t be having an enjoyable life.

It’s a very odd perspective.

Not sure that would work.
because then the list makers wouldn’t be able to claim the kettle boilers have no life.

😉

I don't agree it is usually a couple of minutes. For example I had to buy a prom suit for my son. Although ordered his size it doesn't fit him and other will need to chosen. I think just that is a couple of hours. No point going to the shops to try as they never have the sizes we need. And that's just one item. I think the shift to online shopping can complicates things sometimes because I find highstreets don't hold a much stock as in the past so there is a lot of buying and returning that takes a lot of my time. I hate it.

it’s a choice between enjoying my everyday life and only enjoying life when I am away from my normal life. We holiday to travel and see new things. We don’t look forward to it as an escape from our day to day lives.

This is a really good way of putting it. All these ‘I need to do all this before I can live my life’ when I view all this stuff as part of living my life.

Also, the idea of spending loads of time washing sports kits for teens and buying prom outfits then sending them back multiple times - as teens they can and should take these little responsibilities for themselves. Why are you washing multiple lots of sports kit for teenagers? That’s part of them choosing to do extensive sport. My 10 year old knows what days ballet is and she’s got her dance bag sorted the night before. My 11 year old knows that he needs to check he’s got clean football kit or karate uniform the night before and as soon as he gets home they go in the wash. Even little dd knows that she needs to bring her things down to the washing basket. They all know they bring me school letters to sign and then put them right back in their bags. If I ran myself ragged doing everything for all my kids and putting stuff like sorting kit for teenagers on my daily list I’d probably feel like ‘life admin’ was never ending too.

Yeah! Be good for you too because you could put ‘communicate with list maker’ on your never ending list of tasks.

No - picking a prom suit won't take a couple of minutes but it's also not a regular task that will regularly take up a lot of your time - and isn't that the point people are trying to make?

Yes, sometimes stuff will crop up and you'll be a bit busy and overwhelmed - but those things don't (or shouldn't) happen on a daily basis so they shouldn't be that unmanageable when they do crop up.

@FootieMama if you have a child old enough to go to prom, don’t you have a child old enough to choose and order their own suit, and deal with the returns? I get that a 15yo who has never worn a suit night need some help understand how they’re measured, so it’s not a totally hands off situation. But most 15yos can be expected to deal with the trip to the collection point to deal with the return.

This kind of situation comes back to my earlier point about attitude though.

Prom clothes - people can see that as overwhelming life admin, or part of the excitement and fun of being a parent. My husband really enjoyed sorting out prom stuff with his 2 boys, showing me screenshots, chatting to them about plans… booking a bus to take them. So even returning clothes - it was all part of an enjoyable activity, not dull admin.

I totally agree and also set aside at least an afternoon a week to do all this stuff ! Then l get in the zone and get LOADS done ….am l the only one who finds ticking off my “to do” list more satisfying that a lot of stuff in life ? 😆 yes …l am a Virgo !

You're putting in a pointless barrier to suggest it's impossible for you. It isn't about you having AN HOUR. That's exactly where you're going wrong. It's about fitting in each little job to your 2 minute slots. 3-4 items per day and it's all done. Everything on regular delivery slots that you can, and restrict time so you don't allow yourself to spend hours on the options.

There's plenty of those 2-5 min jobs that I get done on my phone in a few minutes while having breakfast or lunch, on the toilet, waiting for the train, on the train, in school pick-up queue, while DH makes dinner etc. If you're driving around for work and school then you don't get the train travel time, but you can so easily drive around past places to pick up / drop off without the issue of carrying everything, you can do bits while waiting for the kids or while they are at activities. You can also take kids with you and give them tasks. If you want to feel so busy on your day off then crack on, but stop telling yourself there's no other way.

I also think it is a town and country thing too.

We live rurally so for us a trip to the nearest city for clothes shopping is a 50 minute drive away and requires at least a half day if not a full day. Our local town has no clothes shop for children or teens. Ditto collection points, our dc can't drop off parcels the drop off points are a 20 minute drive away, the post office is a 15 minute drive away. They need driving everywhere too, as the bus service stopped around four years ago. We thought about moving, but everyone loves it here, inc teens whom like to decompress.

We can't just walk to the nearest shop, it would be take at 45 minutes each way to get to the farm shop on foot. I could move for more convenience, but couldn't deal with the noise and traffic/people.

I accept what many are saying though about short cuts. That IS a personal choice. Hand making costumes is something I have always done, cooking from scratch takes longer, finding gifts locally sourced is harder than a click of a button with amazon. Handwritten thank you letters are more time consuming than texts. I could go on. I could get everyone vouchers for everything of course, but it would make me feel so disappointed to give them something so thoughtless. So yes I agree, there are many short cuts available if you want to take them....I guess it depends how much you value what you do, are the people worth the time - evaluating carefully the benefits and what is lost by doing certain tasks.

On balance I would rather things took longer and my values were not compromised, nor my standards. I would somehow feel worse with a life of short cuts/time savers - but the kettle boilers do have a point - good enough is more than enough most of the time.

But of course if you want to live rurally, cook every meal from scratch, and handmake all kids costumes those things will take longer? But that’s not really inevitable ‘life admin.’ So I wouldn’t have any sympathy for someone complaining how exhausting their ‘life admin’ is since they need to sew a costume. I’d just think ‘well just rewear one you already have then.’

I also think it’s a bit shitty to presume that people who don’t do all this don’t do it because they ‘don’t value people.’ I value my kids loads. So much so that I’d rather spend my time chilling with them than sewing a costume from scratch and complaining about all my (mostly optional) ‘life admin.’

And to be honest when it comes to ‘standards’ and people being ‘worth the time’ I’ve genuinely never seen a kid sitting disappointed on world book day because they don’t have a bespoke costume. If that’s what you want to do it’s fine but call it what it is - you enjoy making costumes. It’s not ‘life admin,’ it’s a hobby/choice.

See, this post just smacks of "my way is morally superior and everyone who takes short cuts just doesn't care enough about their friends/family/the environment".

If you want to go around writing hand written letters and sourcing "local gifts" or whatever, knock yourself out, but it doesn't make you any better than someone who chooses to buy the same gift off Amazon and who sends a WhatsApp message as a thank you instead.

Giving someone a voucher isn't "thoughtless" either, btw. It means the recipient can choose their own gift and I haven't spent ages choosing something they end up never using as they already have it/don't need it/don't actually like it.

Namechanged - why leave applying for a passport till the last minute

Why do you feel the need to personally reply and tell every single person what you think of their post kana and coffee It is really weird the way someone posts x,y and z and then you immediately pop up like Victor Bloody Meldew with 'no you should be doing it like this/or that' and 'see, where you are going wrong is....'

Unsolicited advice littering the whole thread.

We are ALLOWED to be busy AND be happy, and be reasonably pissed off with the boring avalanche of bureaucracy - it is OKAY. Jesus.

Uh, that's the whole point of a forum, isn't it?

To post things, to have a discussion, to agree and disagree with other people. Why post if you just want an echo chamber of agreement?

If you’re happy being a busy bee then have at it! I like being busy myself. I’m always doing something or other. I don’t post really long lists bemoaning all my ‘life admin’ though. Generally I can’t stand moaners though. If you’re moaning about how much you have to do change what you’re doing.

But for what it’s worth the op refers to it as ‘boring and tiring’ and another poster has said it’s relentless and her holiday is the only escape. So it doesn’t sound like people actually are busy AND happy, does it?

But feel free to report the posts and maybe mumsnet can include a banner at the top saying ‘only post if you agree thanks.’ If op had posted something like ‘struggling this week, so much to do’ people wouldn’t have disagreed. But she specifically posted that life admin is so tiring, she has 23 new tasks to do every single week, everybody has to agree that it’s a big huge thing etc. Lots of us simply don’t.

Most people go through patches of being extremely busy, and others that are less so. It is not linear.

I am happier with quieter periods, but accept the summer season and Christmas will always be busy and building and scheduling in down time is just as important as the to do list.

One of my friends is very anti amazon and vouchers which is fine of course, but despite saying please don't get me presents it's nice just to see you on birthdays etc she always gets well thought out but essentially pointless presents that I'll never use but relate to something I like. I can see thoughts gone into it but would rather nothing at all as I have told her many times. Thought into presents doesn't always make them better recieved.

I agree - and it's the same for hand-made costumes for nursery, or hand-written thank you letters, etc.

I can see they show effort on behalf of the parent/recipient, but is it a worthwhile use of your time when the costume is inevitably going to get ripped or have lunch spilled down it within hours, or when the thank-you letter is inevitably just going to end up in the bin within days?

Over the years I've received quite a few gifts that have clearly been picked with lots of thought and care, but I've never used them for various reasons. I feel bad that those people wasted their time picking out gifts that have done nothing but gather dust in a cupboard ever since.

I’ve not had time to read every post because I’m working at my weekend job now (I work seven days a week to make ends meet) but I’ve already got a few questions in my head. Things like, how exactly do you ring the doctor and get an appointment booked in five minutes flat? I really need to know because being able to do this one thing alone would vastly improve my life. I’m lucky if I can even get through to my doctors in fifteen minutes, let alone book an appointment that work won’t prevent me from attending, oh and that’s even going to take place this month. Some of you must have amazing NHS facilities in your area, or do you go private?

Also, does boiling kettles help admin tasks flow more smoothly or enable you to find a decent builder/cleaner/gardener/window cleaner? I’ve got a bean to cup coffee machine, so I don’t often boil a kettle. Im willing to start if it’s going to bring benefits, although the cost of the electricity is a worry when I’m on such a tight budget already 🤔

Finally, two things - does anyone’s partner (assuming you have one) help with the life admin? If not, why not? And, when you’re watching TV whilst arranging care home stuff, making appointments for hospital tests or chatting with family on the phone to arrange restaurant trips, how do you keep up with the plot? Or actually, you know, relax?