To wonder how people manage their childcare when they work shifts?

[LittleFeet178]

Just this really.
DH and I both earn well and work full time. His is shifts which change every month and he has no control over and mine is office hours but can be very long and require weekend or evening working at limited notice.
DC1 has been in nursery full time since he was 6 months old which has been hugely expensive and still not given us the flexibility we need. We end up paying for nursery days in the week we don't need because DH is off and then I have to look after DC alone a lot at the weekend which is tricky if I suddenly have to work. Have also recently had DC2 so am on maternity leave and now trying to figure out a plan for childcare for 2.
I've just had a payrise which taken me over the threshold to get 30 free hours at nursery (DC just turned 3). So I've lost my 30 hours and will only now get 15 but my take home pay has actually gone down due to the additional tax I now have to pay (plus the NI changes I presume).
I applied for the pre school attached to the local primary school. I've just been told DC1 didn't get a place due to catchment even though we live in the same road as the school. I was hoping I could reduce my costs by getting wrap around for the pre school but that's not now an option.

I found a nanny agency who specialise in nannies for shift workers but they have said it would cost £3500-4000 per month for the baby not including DC1. We can't even come close to affording that!

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage it? AIBU to be confused about how to sort this out?!

You both have jobs that aren't family friendly. If they don't pay enough to cover a full time nanny, then one of them will have to change. You need to be in the situation that one of you doesn't work weekends, and one works normal office hours for childcare.

Time for you both to talk to work- and your dh needs to do this too, its not your problem to fix.

Mine is ostensibly office hours but the nature of the job is that I have to work evenings and weekends on a regular basis as needed.
His is shift work but a completely unstable pattern which cannot be fixed. This is standard across his sector.

Truth is really I suppose that we both earn good money because of our long hours and anti social working patterns. Can't have everything! But feels like something will have to give to make it work with family life long term

Some people put off having dc2 until dc1 is in full time school, as the cost of paying for 2x childcare is too high.

Has he asked for set shifts? Because I know woman who have worked in careers they are definitely shifts with strange patterns, but have been able to get set shifts. If its a "no", then fair enough, but it needs to be asked, not just you saying you can't do weekend work anymore.

Thanks @Merryoldgoat some sound advice, I appreciate it and it's helped clarify my thinking. I regularly work 60 hours a week which coupled with DH's shifts isn't going to work when my mat leave ends. He and I need to address that up front I think

Can you or he or both put in a flexible working request asking for more fixed hours (ie.less flexibility!)

When DD was small she went to a childminder who was winding down towards retirement. She only had DD during the day, and two older girls after school. Someone like that may be open to taking on children doing irregular hours perhaps.

I honestly wasn’t trying to be a cunt when I was talking about your salary, DH and I earn quite well but more like £100k household as I’m pt and whilst we absolutely don’t struggle, it IS tight and it’s easy to forget in our position (and therefore yours) we have choices because even at 26 hours I earn £35k and DH twice that.

Im lucky that I’ve managed to progress career wise even though part time which isn’t possible to everyone I know.

Our biggest asset is our flexible jobs and I think a lower salary but flexibility is sometimes a decision.

We also live in a less pleasant bit of London than we’d like (but still nice enough) because a) house and b) SEN support for my boys.

But my sanity couldn’t cope with last year. DH and I split drops offs, some days after school club, some childminder, some both, some grandparents. I lived in a constant state of anxiety and worry I’d miss a collection or go to the wrong place.

If you could get a job with more flex and better hours you’d find life less stressful I’m sure.

I know you have said your husbands shifts shifts change each month but they must be on a schedule of some sort even perhaps a 6 monthly schedule? If so you can find a nursery who will let you schedule that far in advance x

Didn't think you were cunty at all 😃 I recognise this is very much a first world problem and we are fortunate to have good salaries. Just been finding hard to get my head around the logistics of juggling it all!

DH is a bit of an eternal optimist and tends to stick his head in the sand with an airy "it'll all be fine"

The responses on this thread have been hugely useful and really helped focus my mind. Thank you all!

We couldn't get around this when we had our children. We have no family support and are nowhere near wealthy enough for a nanny so one of us had to move to a 9-5 job so we could manage.