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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is he a Narcissist or just a arsehole?

32 replies

cherylsammy · 26/05/2022 08:49

He tells lies,he gaslights me,says things then twists them to make me think he never said it or I'm imagining a situation.
Telling me how many women want him and constantly talking about how attractive he is.
Showing me pictures of the women he is talking too and sending me pictures of messages from them.
Sending pics of women in his house.
Twisting things to pretend to people I'm the "crazy" one ..when in reality my head is just so confused from his behaviour.
Deleting texts his sent to me to make it look like I'm having a conversation with himself.
Totally re writing history and making me look like the abusive one (by saying your behaviour has been terrible,you need to learn from your poor behaviour ,if your going to behave like a child I won't talk till you've calmed down)
Telling me I'm flying off the handle when I ask a simple question.
Then the final thing was saying I was a narcissist
Telling me he has dealt with narcissistic people all his life ..and I am one.

I've looked at narcissistic traits and I have none...he has the lot.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 12:47

cherylsammy · 26/05/2022 12:20

There was one occasion when he was particularly horrible to me and we stopped speaking for a month and he returned saying he had been brutal
So he recognised it
My meaning saying narcissist or arsehole was narcissist -he can't help it as it is a personality disorder or arsehole -he can help it but doesn't care

Practically, what difference will it actually make? You’ve split up with him, you’re not seeing him again and you’ve realised he’s bad for you.

Why all the hand wringing and over analysis?

cherylsammy · 26/05/2022 12:57

I'm just trying to understand it all
I've never been in a situation like it so trying to make sense of things

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 13:08

What do you need to understand? Why exactly he is an arsehole?

There’s no point in that. Think about why you put up with it for as long as you did and how you’ll avoid the same thing in the future.

Newestname002 · 26/05/2022 15:25

cherylsammy · 26/05/2022 12:57

I'm just trying to understand it all
I've never been in a situation like it so trying to make sense of things

OP this is an evil creature. If you've been made to feel so terrible, confused, upset etc in such a few short months, how do you think you'd have been in a year? Two years? Five? You would be a shell of yourself.

Be grateful you are no longer in his sphere and ensure you never respond if/when he decides to see if he can reel you back in. Do not give him the energy he feeds on to make you less than you are. 🌹

orwellwasright · 26/05/2022 16:40

PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2022 12:47

Practically, what difference will it actually make? You’ve split up with him, you’re not seeing him again and you’ve realised he’s bad for you.

Why all the hand wringing and over analysis?

Because processing upsetting experiences helps people come to terms with them and, hopefully, make better decisions in the future.

It's not 'hand-wringing'. It's refection and it's what self aware people do.

SoulGuardian · 14/07/2022 18:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

x2boys · 14/07/2022 19:27

People are very quick to give their own armchair diagnosis of narcissism on here
Regardless of that he sounds like a dick and you need move on .

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