AIBU after finding DH sending intimate messages

[Silverspark07]

I found out last night that my husband of 14 years has been sending intimate messages to a woman he met on an online game. When confronted he said he didn’t know why he done it that he doesn’t want to lose me and our son. I decided to try and forgive, after laying down the rules that he needs to block her and never speak to her again.
I didn’t sleep all night and if I did drop off I just dreamt about them. My heart is shredded into bits. This morning he asked me not to message the woman and I told him I needed closure. AIBU keep asking questions and not just “letting it go?”

I hope you and @Silverspark07 are both doing okay!
Its taken us a while but we have come through it. For a good while I had questions about it, about her. Sometimes I felt better knowing and others I wished I didn’t ask. He didn’t play any games online for quite some time, until last year when a mutual friend asked him to join something. I spoke to
the friend and he was disgusted and shocked by dh behaviour. Not a lot of people know of our troubles as I’ve moved past it now. We now have a stronger family unit. I think the reality of him losing his family really kicked in. I feel he is now more grateful for what he has. Marriage counselling really helped us. He became a little worried that I would find someone else and move on. I explained that his fear was my life and he could never imagine the pain I went through.
If anything, I am far stronger than I’ve ever been. He also knows fine well that if anything ever happened again then I wouldn’t stay. I made it clear that I could not and would not experience that again. For a while j was insecure and found myself checking his phone etc but it always made me feel worse. He’s not secretive with anything now, his phone is regularly unlocked and lying about. I know now that I can trust our relationship. There has been no mention of this ow for years.
It was a really difficult time, it was painful and felt like it was never going to pass but we made it through it.

@CharSiu he plays mafia boss on his mobile. Years ago we used to play these things together so I never had any reason not to trust him. Before we officially became a couple he used to be obsessed with kingdoms of camalot but he ended up spending too much money and we found games we could play together. Since having children I now have less time and I enjoy playing the sims 4 on PC occasionally (usually when he’s asleep) but I still trusted him. He has deleted the game and all chats associated with it now. But I just don’t know.

You are u being angry with her

Your H is the one married to you

He overstepped. He cheated (online)
Why would you decide to forgive?
Why message her? It just makes you look
desperate.

And your H asked you not to message her??? Well... for very obvious reasons op

Ditch this lump

I don’t think not wanting to throw away 14 years together with children is making me look desperate. Perhaps it’s the want to preserve what we once had?

It's not making you look desperate at all. You're just letting her know where she stands in your mind and where you believe you stand.

If she's remorseful like you say she is, she'll be much more likely to back off, and to let you know if he doesn't.