Long Lost Family

[AlternativePerspective]

Watching long lost family now, and the stories of people who were abandoned as newborns and how their heritages have been traced.

I’ve never watched it before this week, and I can’t help but feel uncomfortable with it.

In almost all the stories the foundlings had full siblings, in some cases younger than them.

In most cases in this week’s shows the birth parents were already dead, but in the case where one was alive, she didn’t want to know, although they kind of softened that blow by saying that hopefully she just needed time.

But there are these tearful reuinions and talk of how they’re all family now etc, and I can’t help wondering how many of these people even keep in touch after these programmes, and how many hundreds contact the show only to be rejected again.

I absolutely understand that people who are adopted have the need to find their origins. I’m just not sure whether such personal journeys with the possibility of further rejection should be made into entertainment?

It's not just entertainment, for some it gives solace, if they have had similar situations in their own lives.

I think people just want answers. If something comes of it, it does. I mean even those of us who know our parents, their parents and their parents even seek to go further back in time. I think it’s intrinsic to human nature to want to know where we come from.

I'd need to clarify you mean the UK LLF as there's Aussie and US ones, the latter two I found horrendous and couldn't watch for very long.
I haven't watched UK LLF for a couple of years but even though they can be emotionally draining they've looked after people really well.
I think it's more manipulative to the viewer more than anyone involved in it.
It has been going a long time I haven't seen any issues from those taking part.

There’s something Jeremy Kyle about viewing people enduring their most profound emotional moments. We never see anything but lovely families who are prepared to welcome what amounts to a stranger into their lives. Is it all a bit sugar coated? What happens to those for whom a can of worms gets opened?
I have a half sibling somewhere, born before me & adopted out. I have a certain curiosity about her & mum won’t speak about why she was adopted out. I’m in two minds about trying to trace her. Could be a disaster? Might be amazing. I just can’t decide.

It raises the profile of autosomal dna testing. For those that have missing siblings it’s a good thing as DNA testing is really the only way of finding them.

A relative of mine found a sibling via dna testing. They had both looked for 30 years but because they were adopted they had no idea of each other’s new names.

I thought the same tonight about the DNA programme that Stacey Dooley does, a couple on there tonight found family they didnt know they had and I wondered to myself if it would last longer than the few months after the filming

Hopefully it does but people get swept up in the excitment of it all I suspect and then perhaps they find they dont actually have anything in common with their new family or even dont like them

Imagine if you'd been longing to find possible siblings all your life or something and when you find them they're awful people, how would that feel

It's quite possible these days with all the heritage sites that anyone wanting to find their biological relatives can do it themselves. All of the participants of the show who found out they had a sibling that that didn't know about have been desperate to meet them.
Who knows whether they will keep in touch after the initial euphoria has worn off. My guess is that most of them will.
There are lot of people who have been brought up knowing their siblings and can't stand them!!!

I remember an episode possibly from the very first series @bellac11 and a daughter found her father. Oh he was so so creepy, the closing credits said the daughter found it problematic.
That's the only one that aired that I know of where things didn't work out well. That was shown
I'm sure there's loads of bad ones that don't make it to air, at the end of the day though nobody is forced to take part.
These people have usually exhausted normal search roots, at any time they could have still met they're sibling/parent etc through the searches they were doing for themselves.

We do a lot of DNA tests at work trying to prove paternity or prove sibling relationships, most of the time it works but a surprising number are 'inconclusive' which means that we will never have the answer about who whether they are the sibling or not.

Davina McCall is starting to grate on this; although she was great when the series started, but she's getting worse and worse. Giving one word answers "She is". "He did" and nodding. She seems incapable of a proper conversation with the individual and it is awkward and embarrassing. And the DNA researcher (Ariel?) has the personality and warmth of a dead toad. Contrast her with Turi King, who is lovely, and is on the BBC programme with Stacey Dooley (who I also don't think is a good choice as presenter). Very unsatisfying watch for viewers, I think. Nicky Campbell however, well, keep him.

LLF UK. I seem to remember on one of the catch up shows they did where the relationship was strained between a mother reunited with a son she was made to give up for adoption. I recall there was a bit where he was talking to camera stating how vulgar/coarse or similar wording, tattoos were and as his voice said it cut to his birth Mum sat round the table with him and family with a zoom in on her tattoos. I found it incredibly odd they would do that to her and sad he would do that. I understand things don't work out as hoped for but the way it was presented to camera seemed disrespectful to a woman who'd spent her whole adult life agonising over the loss of her child only to find him and not have the connection she had longed for.

That is shocking. You mean the son was talking about his mother having tattoos specifically, or tattoos in general?

He had known her for some time by then. Hard to not see it as a "dig" however petty, in the way it was done. It was a little while back. If I find the episode I'll let you know.

I'd be interested to know how many reunions are rejected / failed either before meetups or within 12m.
Also, what sort of support is offered for those suffering such rejections.
As a person who went through this process in RL (& it didn't end well), I think it would be even harder with a camera in your face in the name of 'entertainment '. That said, I do go through phases of watching LLF UK. I think I vicariously enjoy the happiness of those who do find their connection.

Regular user NC.

I was involved with LLF until very recently.

Firstly, Ariel is incredibly warm, kind and compassionate. She is not a TV personality and is therefore not necessarily comfortable being on TV. She works tirelessly for LLF.

Secondly, there is no pressure for found people to appear on TV. Both options are explained clearly and the found person can take all the time they want to decide. Professional support is offered to all parties, whether or not their story is filmed. About 10-15 % are filmed. Support is provided in instances where the found person has died or does not want contact.

Support is open ended and can often last years. This extends to the applicant, the found person and often extended family too. It is not uncommon for found people who decline contact to change their mind often years into the future. This is facilitated and supported.

Support is provided by highly experienced, qualified Social Workers and funded professional counselling if required.

Wall to Wall, who make LLF are committed to a duty of care to all applicants and their families.

Disclaimer - I was never directly employed by W2W.

@CharlotteSometim

THANK YOU for posting that.
Not only is it really interesting (re the 10% etc) - it's very reassuring & quite heartwarming for me as a viewer with some sort of personal interest in the area that such care is taken of all parties involved - really good to know thank you x