Do you have an exaggerated 'freeze' response from a traumatic childhood?

[Rheeso]

Posting here for traffic because I really need new ideas. This is me, I don't move. I can't do the things I need to do. I just wonder how others have coped/learnt to overcome this all-powerful instinct to not move. It's ruining my life. And yes I am in therapy.

What does your therapist say?

I don't sorry.

But my lovely lovely friend (from a war zone and an abusive father) explains it like this... people with trauma have tried fight, and it's gone very badly for them. They've tried flight, and it didn't help or made it worse. They only have freeze left so it's all they have. And that's why it's so pronounced.

I don't know if that's at all helpful but it explained her responses to me.

How do you mean exactly, OP?

I'm not sure this is what you mean, but I suppose yes in a way. I have a lot of medical trauma starting at a young age, and sometimes current medical stuff completely overwhelms me and sends me into a state of inertia because it's so all-encompassing, and at times utterly terrifying.

But I also have ADHD, and we're not generally brilliant at executive function, so not sure where one ends and the other begins in terms of feeling frozen.

people with trauma have tried fight, and it's gone very badly for them. They've tried flight, and it didn't help or made it worse. They only have freeze left so it's all they have. And that's why it's so pronounced

This is interesting, but not necessarily true in all instances.

Fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn are ALL 'normal' depending on the individual's own personal style and how their brain processes it in real time.

Not everyone responds to various traumas in the same way, or in a specific order.

I understand the fight, flight, freeze pattern, I just can't move on to unfreezing & feeling able to do stuff again.

What sort of therapy are you having, op?

Trauma therapy, emdr & dbt

What do you want to be able to do? Maybe it's just not the right thing.

I'm not an expert at all, but they sound like the right sorts of therapy to be having given the trauma in your background. While some people find CBT helpful for managing behaviour but I was thinking from your posts DBT would be more suitable for you.

Have you discussed this problem with your therapist(s)?

Just remember, it's not something you're doing wrong, or failing to do. If you're getting stuck in the freeze response it's because there's still unprocessed trauma that is keeping you there.

How frequently does it effect you?

I think you're trying to rush yourself when you're not yet ready. It seems like you're doing all the right therapies, you just need to trust that doing the work and processing what you learn will eventually get you to a safe and secure place. Self-imposed pressure to be 'fixed' right now can slow your progress down. Be patient, kind, and compassionate to yourself.

Are you doing these all at the same time?

It is too much imo if it is. Too many therapy sessions a week can be very destabilising. Sorry if I have misunderstood though.

They're not all at the same time but on a rotating timetable.

@MattBerrysHair @Basilbrushgotfat This is now my 6th year of therapy

What do you mean? I find I dissociate in situations where I feel anxious. That’s really hard.

The Body Keeps the Score. Bessel van de Kolk.

It explains a great deal and it has a lot of compassion.

I don't know the answer to your question - it sounds as if you're coming from a place of deep frustration - but it may help you live with the situation for now, which can be a step along the path to change.

Try crappy childhood fairy on youtube. It's a take on an AA way of regulating your emotions.

It took my over 15 years of on/off therapy to feel safe. Even now when I'm very overwhelmed or stressed I can find myself falling into that frozen/inert state, but it's not frequent and I know it'll pass.

How long have you been having EMDR? I had it for a year and it saved my life

Yes I have this. If I'm on my own (unusual nowadays) and nothing disastrous would happen if I don't leave immediately, I find it difficult to leave the house. In single days, I have literally gotten ready to go out and sat by the front door for 8 hours unable to go further (which makes me feel sad thinking about).

I don't know what my advice is. It's still there, but I have so many commitments and so much busyness that I can't give in to it. I had to fill up on people as much as I could cope with. Kids help.

I had years of therapy, but it was only seeing a proper trauma-focused therapist that helped. She was the first to understand the physicality of my problems and give me really practical advice.

Have you tried somatic experiencing? There is a therapist called Irene Lyon on YouTube who explains it well. Try searching Irene Lyon freeze response.
Apparently, trauma is stored in the body, not the mind and when you do somatic experiencing like a meditation, the trauma can be felt as sensations in the body and you can unwind it. Takes time though.

You can't easily unfreeze when frozen. Or I can't. So first I trained myself to notice the micro-moments leading up to freezing so I could try and divert it. So I'd get up and move, or force myself to keep walking. Or shake my limbs out depending where I am. Like nothing else matters in those moments other than keeping away from the freezing.

When I'm frozen then I'm fighting to get out of it. I try to move a toe on one foot, then more toes then the toes on the other foot, then the ankle, then a little finger and so on. I don't try to unfreeze whole scale because for me that doesn't work.

Polyvagal Theory (sounds more complicated than it is!) can help with learning how to monitor how you are feeling in general and the run up to freezing (or dissociating of panic attacks). I would specifically recommend books by Deb Dana because her books explain it but then focus on the practical aspect of it ie doing exercises, rather than going into extended depth about the theoretical side (which is dry and at the end of the day, not helpful in a practical way!).

Anyway OP don't worry or feel bad that it happens to you. It's a horrible experience, embarrassing and all of that, however it's your body trying to take care of you. It's actually helped keep you safe to the best of your abilities. It also didn't start for no reason and you can't traumatise yourself. You've done and are doing nothing wrong when this happens. It just needs to be calmed down and in time that can happen. It sounds like you're having good therapies, but it takes fucking ages to counter what was done in our young years.

This sort of thing can be very good. However I'd caution OP against trying to touch trauma alone, given that she freezes anyway. Also, meditation can be incredibly triggering for people with complex trauma as unwanted memories can pop up.

A bit like doing EMDR, the technique is quite simple, but with EMDR you have a trauma-trained therapist there (or should do!) who is trained in monitoring how you're doing and there to help if you're hit by a wave of flashbacks etc.

If it's good for you OP do it! But until you know, just be careful of yourself.

^^ in reply to doing somatic experiencing meditation from YouTube.

I used to. I rarely do now. Having a dog helped, because she'd need me and I couldn't just stay still, having DS had the same more intense effect. But I really taught myself to just keep moving even when it felt like trying to wade through quick sand, my whole body would ache with anxiety and I'd just force myself as much as I could. It got easier and easier. This from someone who would be frozen in place for hours and not even pee or sleep.

Doing martial arts really helped with that "no matter how much it hurts, how impossible it feels, you just keep going" mentality. It really helped me feel invincible.

H