To be at a loss and ask for your help re weight loss?

[WeightProblem3]

I've hit a new low the past week of trying to make myself sick whenever I eat because I'm so desperate to lose weight.

I'm finding it so hard. I was a tall slim and healthy size 10 before my son was born but since then I seem to have had a really bad time with what feels like addictive binge eating. I've never experienced it before but it's like I can't stop myself anymore from snacking / eating crap. It sounds like a poor excuse I know.

Dieting isn't working, it's making me crave things even worse. I've been fasting but I'm losing a pound here and there but nothing noticeable.

I hate myself, really severely hate myself, I cry every time I see myself in the mirror or look at old pictures from before I was pregnant (son is 1.5).

Please tell me what you did that worked? I hate myself for making excuses but working and then dealing with DS after work is proving difficult to get the motivation in the evenings to exercise

It feels impossible.

It sounds like the onset of bulimia OP, I think you need to seek treatment for that. Please look after yourself (and stop the fasting).

Please don’t make yourself sick! Get in touch with your go to check vitamin and iron levels. Make sure you’re getting. Enough sleep. The first time round I only started losing weight once I got the sleep and iron levels sorted! Your worth isn’t your weight. Take care of yourself

Have you tried calorie counting? Nothing is banned, you can eat what you like within your calories. Also up your exercise and I don’t mean you have to go to the gym, walking is fine. I lost nearly 2stone in lockdown by upping my steps and calorie controlled diet. When I’m in the office and haven’t done all my steps I walk up and down my landing! Pre diet I was doing around 4k steps a day, now 17-20k

I think you should see your GP asap and ask for urgent mental health help. Making yourself sick can be really damaging mentally and physically and this problem definitely runs a lot deeper than just finding the right diet plan for you.

Yes I agree with this. You need to address your emotional distress first. Your toddler is only young, you might even have post natal depression. Hating yourself and crying every day isn’t normal, you really need professional advice.

Also it’s very tough working full time with a toddler, don’t be ashamed of asking for help.

Once you are feeling a little better emotionally, it will be easier to find a weight loss programme or new way of eating that works for you. Don’t worry about the exercise as losing weight is nearly all about food, what you eat and when.

I agree with others that you need to see the GP. 18 months is really soon in the grand scheme of things, but it won't feel like that now. Get support for the extremes that you're being driven to, then discuss a healthy way to reduce your weight.

You need to have an open and honest discussion with your GP, OP as it sounds like you are at risk of developing/having developed an eating disorder. Please please speak to someone professional. And for anyone giving dieting advice after having read that - shame.on.you.

Your son needs a mentally healthy mum who is kind to herself, not a size 10 mum. Stop focusing on weight loss and focus on looking after yourself and nourishing your body with proper food. If you can’t do this, you need to see someone about this, because it sounds like the beginning of an eating disorder.

Low carb.Ive turned my nose up at it so many times but you don't get the hunger pangs like you get while eating carbs.I combine it with calorie counting using my fitness pal.Ive lost 8 pounds in a month.

It wasn’t cheap but I got a personal trainer for advice on diet and exercise. I started in September last year and since then I’ve lost four stones. I see him once a week but go to the same gym myself a couple of times a week and replicate what I do with the trainer. I weigh in every week.

However, most of the weight has gone because of diet rather than exercise (mainly cutting sugar and carbs significantly).

I think you're stuck in a cycle of hating yourself and then self destructing with binge eating.
You could try some self love first. Set aside some time to yourself (I know that's hard when working and parenting) buy some new clothes in the size you are,that you feel good in, get your hair cut and styled, new perfume,take care of your skin and nails and try to accept yourself.

And stop looking at old photos! It's time for a new you.

Your son loves you as you are, try to stop listening to your inner critic and remind yourself of your good points instead of obsessing about your perceived flaws.

It's impossible to treat your body well and eat healthily if you don't like yourself.

There are support groups online such as Overeaters anonymous if you feel locked in a binge/purge cycle.

I think you need to start to love yourself, respect your body and all that it's done and then you'll be able to eat in a way that nourishes you, rather than hating yourself, punishing yourself and going round in circles with binge and restrict.
See a counsellor, prioritise yourself.

Or at least, that's what worked for me. 5 stone lost in 9 months, have kept it off for 2 years so far.

I used to be bulimic. It’s horrible- it doesn’t make you lose weight either. If anything you are more likely to gain than if you just ate normally.

Stopping binging/purging was hard, but it’s easier if you stop now rather than in a years time.

It was recommended that I plan 3 healthy, balanced meals with healthy puddings if you’re into that, and 2 or 3 snacks a day and stick to that plan regardless of any binging. Literally write down what you’ll eat and when. If you start binging remember you can stop…a slip doesn’t mean everything is a disaster what the hell. It worked…less likely to binge if you eat normally, less likely to binge if you know you are going to eat in 2 hours etc. I lost weight doing that. If you eat normally, you’re likely to have more motivation in future to do exercise, as you won’t feel so tired.

Thanks maybe I do need to speak to someone. I even have alarms on my phone that go off throughout the day saying things like 'you're fat' to try and stop me from eating. It's not right or healthy I know that. Just don't know how to stop. How do you even start loving yourself?

I'm so sorry youre feeling like this Op.
No one deserves to be treated like this, yet you're doing this to yourself, it's a form of self abuse. You wouldn't speak to a friend this way, so why speak to yourself in such a hateful way.

Please find ways to be kind to yourself.

You can start by silencing your inner critic.
List everything positive about you; kind, generous, creative, good at maths, a lovely smile, a thoughtful friend, good listener..whatever applies to you. Refer to this list every time you have negative thoughts.
Write down your good attributes on post it notes and stick them up where you'll see them. And delete those awful abusive phone alerts to yourself!

Aim for self care; treating yourself well, wearing nice clothes, perfume, make up or doing your nails, having a long soak in the bath. You need to value yourself and treat yourself kindly.

The advice above is good; keep a food diary. The aim is not to deprive yourself or to use food as a punishment or reward. Section your food diary into 3 meals a day, including a few snacks in between and record everything. Forgive yourself if you overindulge and move on to the next day.

I think it would help to confide in someone in real life and speak to your Gp. You can be referred for a course of CBT or counselling although brace yourself for waiting lists. If you've been feeling like this since having your son then you may have PND.

Please don't suffer in silence, you deserve to be happy. x

'Thanks maybe I do need to speak to someone'

You really do OP. You need support for your emotional distress first and foremost. The weight issues are a symptom of something much deeper. I saw a therapist for a long time and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself

Speak to your GP or if it's a possibility for you, go straight to private psychotherapy. Google BACP and search for a therapist in your area who has experience with eating disorders. Good luck to you. Life can be so much better than this x

Bulimia messes with your head. It is actually a really shit method of losing weight, partly because it makes you get into an obsessive cycle. Your body knows its eaten and is looking for the food that should be there. Youll end up in an awful cycle of binging and purging.
In my advice, youre only a week into this. Its not esttablished. You KNOW this has got disordered now and you need to take back control.

You need professional support, what you’re doing to yourself is not about weight loss. Your son needs a healthy mum not a skinny one. Please, please get help, don’t suffer alone.

You can start by silencing your inner critic.
List everything positive about you; kind, generous, creative, good at maths, a lovely smile, a thoughtful friend, good listener..whatever applies to you

I really struggle with this because I can't think of anything, I don't feel like any of it applies to me. Any time I do think of something remotely positive about myself I start doubting myself about whether I'm actually like that or whether I'm just kidding myself ect.

My head is such a mess with it all.

Well just from your replies I can tell you're intelligent, write well and have good self awareness. There's three positive things already!

It doesn't matter too much if you think of positive things about yourself and then start to doubt them. It will take time to change your inner dialogue.

Everyone is their own worst critic and I'd challenge you to find a woman who was happy with how they look.
Unfortunately, you have become fixated with this flaw about yourself and it's become all consuming. It's moved on from being self critical to being self destructive.

It would help to share your feelings with a friend or family member if you can.

You're fixable and you won't feel like this forever. Take baby steps, one day at a time

How do you even start loving yourself?

Start small, because you're not going to go from self-hatred to self-love in one big leap. Start off by recognising your inner critic when it says something horrible about you. Remember that thoughts aren't truths, they are just thoughts. You don't have to believe them. Tell your inner critic to stop talking bollocks (out loud if necessary!).

You are also a good listener, are prepared to take on board other peoples opinions.

You are willing to ask for advice and take it.

You are good at understanding the intention behind what people have written and seeing bigger picture, without getting hung up on the tiny details.

You are a hard worker who wants to do the best for her son.

You are a devoted mum who spends time with him in the evening after work - some people just leave all this to the other parent because they are “ too tired “ or “ busy”.

You must be at least competent in your job, to keep going when you are so unhappy .

That’s another 6 great things about you. I’m a total stranger and I can tell this.

Hating yourself takes a lot of energy.

Losing weight also takes energy - you need to be motivated, to not just move but WANT to move, to get good restful sleep, to eat well, they're all pretty much impossible if you're exhausted before you start because you're hating yourself full-time already.

Cut yourself some slack! You're the mother of a 18 month old toddler, you're already doing well just coping with that - no-one would expect you to also be living like a celebrity mum with a chef and fitness trainer.