AIBU or are people much more flakey since covid?

[GrandmaSharkdodo]

I don't know if these are just my circumstances but I'm having a really tough time. We moved to a new city 6 months ago and I still haven't managed to make one friend. I've tried to be super pro-active and have joined a mums FB group, several WhatsApp groups for people in the area and have suggested meeting for playdates to other mums at school. But people either don't reply or say yeah, sounds fun but then it never materialises. I'm starting to get really down and feel really lonely. For reference, I'm a fairly outgoing, cheerful and friendly person. I've always made new friends quite easily but don't know if after covid people have gotten into a rut and don't want to go out or just can't be arsed. Has anyone else observed the same? Or maybe it's me... 😥😥

I definitely don't feel as obliged to go out and socialise now as I did pre-covid.

Lockdowns made me realise i'm not really bothered and prefer to be at home in my PJs in the vast majority of cases.

That said, i'd not mess anyone around. If I made plans, i'd stick with them unless I had a genuine emergency or something.

I don't think it's flakey, more that people are feeling less obliged to go out and do stuff.

I think it's affected lots of people's confidence.

I find that activity groups are more reliable for getting together (e.g. Sports clubs, hiking clubs, etc)

I am definitely more flaky now but it's not pandemic related really. I've just had tons happen in the last year. Ex-husband has also been flaky (sometimes justified, sometimes not) which has meant I've not had childcare when I expected to sometimes.

I can understand that. But I have had people let me down. People who said they'd meet me in the park. I drove for 20 mins to a further park for them not to show. Later they said it was because it looked like it might rain.😒

As pp said, it released alot of people from social obligations and burdens and people prefer that.

Have you joined Nextdoor? It seems to be quite good for this sort of thing, I've seen people post on there wanting to meet new local people and people seem to be responsive (I don't know whether they follow up successfully though!)

I think a lot of people have just got out of the way of doing things, rather than not wanting to do them, and it does take real effort to get back to it.

That's definitely not acceptable. I would cancel with plenty of notice, I would never let someone down like this.

But I'm the first person to recognise that times have been hard and I do understand why... But it's really gutting after 6 months with noone to talk to. My mental health is really suffering

I definitely want to socialise less after Covid and I was always super sociable before. It just feels a big effort. I've noticed friends are a lot less sociable too. Noone seems bothered anymore...

@hellcatspanglelalala I haven't heard of that... I'll look into it

I think its hard being new in an area. I moved to the UK from a whole other continent without knowing anyone. It took almost a year to make some good friends. I'm introverted though so it wasn't an issue for me. Otoh, when I was back home I had my circle of friends and family and honestly didn't have capacity or time outside of that. Have you tried work colleagues?

Have you moved to a posh area op? I've found that posh people (or those with posh aspirations) can be up their own arses.

@Mally100 I'm not working ATM as LO is only part time at nursery. Although I think this is what I need to do tbh. Maybe once she's full time.in September

@Crocsandshocks not particularly posh... Middly I'd say. Town houses not too far from city centre.

I knew it was going to be challenging and would take time, but I thought by now I'd at least be starting to make a few acquaintances.

I think you would have more luck with work colleagues. I also found that have a little one, I didn't really make friends that way. The children are too little to be friends and the parents then also don't bother. I have made a few friends through my dc playdates etc when he was older. As pp suggested there are apps such as Meet up and Peanut which seem quite popular.

@Mally100 I think you're right! Waiting till sept or later will be tough but maybe that will be the only way.
Well done for making your big move! That must have been tough!💗

Thank you! It was scary but we are settling in now. I am an introvert so it was doubly hard to put myself out there. Hang in there, it won't last forever. Over the next few months, try going to the park or play areas. You might just meet a mum who wants a chat. Good luck 💕

Thank you! 😘

Some of my friends are working from home most of the time and seem to be under more pressure.

Can you join some neighbourhood events over the Jubilee and meet some people that way?