To ask how I can make myself like how I live?

[frnf]

I live just outside London. The location itself is great for commuting, and good motorway links, there's a branch of every main supermarket within 3-4 miles. I have a decent garden for a town area (about 60ft x 30ft), driveway with space for 3 cars. There's a huge country park at the end of my road (a few minutes walk). On paper it sounds ok.

However I don't really love the house, I never have. I bought it as a compromise with my Ex many years ago when the house I really wanted at the time fell through (in hindsight, this one was much better than that, but still...). We'd planned to live in it for 5-10 years, sell up and move on. Never happened.

Also, I hate my neighbours. We're not attached, we're separated by 2 side paths - so about 6ft. They are rude, noisy and entitled. I replaced the fence between our houses (my fence) 3 years ago - they have kicked balls against it relentlessly and leant stuff against it so it's now falling apart, they have broken all the vertical supports as a result the slats are hanging off. I've seen 30 year old fences in better condition. Parents are disinterested, their attitude is kids will be kids. 2 of the kids play a sport at high level and as such think they can do no wrong. They're on holiday at the moment and the silence has been fucking wonderful. I think they're back at the weekend and frankly I already feel depressed at the resurgence of noise (shouting, screaming etc - they can't play other than by making noise at full volume), thumping of balls, running about in my front garden or climbing on my wall, chucking rubbish in my bin. You name it, they tick most of the awful neighbour boxes.

When they've not been here I don't hate it but it's still not my dream house. The obvious answer is sell and move. But...I have kids still at home, one is studying locally, the other works in London. I think it will be 5 years minimum til either of them move out. If I move with them, I'd need to stay in the same area. I have a big house in one of the cheapest roads. I'd only be able to afford something smaller if I moved, and there's no guarantee I'd be any better off neighbour wise.

So if I have to stay, and I think I do, how do I learn to love it and ignore the arseholes next door?

Dunno. By counting your blessings?
A few noisy kids is hardly the worst thing as far as neighbours go.

It's not the noise alone although that is pretty horrendous, it's general behaviour and the damage to my property. Fences are expensive and should last more than 3 years.

Wind chimes, if they are yours you will enjoy the sound of them everyone else it will grate their nerves like the banging of a ball on a fence, plus a nice zen calm trickley water feature, calm for you but makes everyone else need the toilet.

Can the working child not move out themselves? Then it’s just the studying child to worry about, and they could also move into shared accommodation and start working if needed, if you feel like you’d be compromising again, on location this time.

How old are their kids? They will get the stage where they never leave their rooms/are permanently glued to their phones and will lose interest in being in their garden.

Honestly the neighbours are loud enough that I can be indoors with the TV on and windows closed and I have to turn up the volume to hear it over their racket. Not sure wind chimes will do much. That said, I do like the noise so might invest in some :)

My eldest couldn't afford to move out, even a shared place round here is £800 a month just for a grotty room. All their friends still live at home too. The younger one needs to be at home too for other reasons.

Kids next door are 9-14. The eldest ones hang around in the front garden/ street with their gang of mates, all on their (illegal) electric scooters riding up and down in the way of cars and being a general nuisance.

I should add as well that it's not JUST the neighbours - as I said, I've never really loved the house, or even liked it that much. It was really only a compromise and stop gap that I've ended up stuck in.

Can you grow leylandii between the houses? That stuff is fast growing and indestructible!
Personally I'd start doing things to annoy the neighbours. Wait til they've got their clean washing out and have a bbq or burn all your garden waste. Get one of those cat deterrents which emits a high pitched noise that teenagers can hear but adults can't and put it where the teens kick the ball. Im sure there are others. Doing little things to annoy them would cheer me up!

Grow a hedge / leylandii they grow fast within a year a 2 ft one from B&Q will easily be 5ft
Very cheap and just trim them once a year
it will block the neighbours out and the noise

I already have 3 trees along part of the boundary. Kids next door climb/ swing on them and then stand on my fence! Also my garden is quite shady, I can only get grass to grow in about 50% of it, I fear more trees will just make that worse.

No. Don't stay. Move. Now or as soon as you can. You won't love this house.But re the neighbours, When you can afford it install a proper fence, a solid one with concrete supports that even if they lean things against won't move. If they kick balls, ie making noise, take a video and consider reporting to council.

We can't choose what to feel. You'd be better to go for trying to accept how you feel, and keep in mind it's not forever, research where you'll go next, try to find ways to move sooner.

Surpressing feelings leaves you with the same feelings, and frustration on top.

Start looking my friend. That house is not ticking the important boxes. Downsizing is not necessarily a problem if you can find a way to make a smaller house / less rooms work. Go find your dream house. Life is too short for this. It's affecting your wellbeing. And if nothing comes up, stay put, keep looking, knowing you have an exit plan.

Fence has concrete supports but it hasn't stopped them breaking 2 of the new panels so far, and the others are falling apart. Fences aren't meant to be climbed on, though the neighbours don't seem to realise.

I've been telling myself it's not forever for years. Years ago I couldn't afford to move, I didn't have enough equity to do so. Now I could afford to move but only to a smaller house which wouldn't be any further from neighbours (and the risk the neighbours would be as bad). I keep hoping that I can find some way to like my house more.

Anti climb paint? Barbed wire?

Anti climb paint def. Think you have to have a sign up..
Wind chimes and police every time the bikes are in the street. Online reports..
Radio or headphones in the garden. My ndn was using power tools for 6 hours straight on Sunday.. Radio on just high enough was a good mask for it. And I have mosophonia.. Soon enough they will be stroppy teens shut up in their bedrooms.

I’m looking to downsize as now single parent and running costs / maintenance is more than I want but similar problem in that older dc still need base. We don’t use the house in same way eg I don’t need a big garden now dc older - I’d be happy with a patio and some pots I think I am the only one who goes outside. We don’t need much reception space as dc mainly live in their rooms. We don’t need a big dining space. Im looking at smaller houses where I could convert a downstairs reception room into a bedroom while dc are living here and then convert it back when they move out.

You need to move. The problems you're experiencing with your neighbours aren't going to go away and it appears that there's nothing you can do to remedy the situation. It would be far better to live in a smaller house with normal neighbours so that you can enjoy your home life.

Good luck!

If you don’t love it and won’t love it, then move. Presumably, the area you need to be in will mean you move to a smaller property, but that’s the compromise. You won’t know how the neighbours are until you get there.

I've been stuck in a property I hated, trapped there for several years by circumstances beyond my control and I do understand what you mean, OP.

What I'd suggest is drawing up a schedule so that your fantasy of moving becomes a detailed plan and not just something you dream about when the neighbours are being difficult. Create a schedule so that you can count down the years. Make decisions about where you want to move to and go and look at property in those areas, so you can refine exactly what you do and don't want.

Start thinking about what you can do to the current house that will make it a more desirable property when it hits the market in a few years' time. Find relatively cheap ways of improving or enhancing it: it'll make it nicer for you to live there in the meantime. Even think about what you can do to maximise your earning power so that you'll have as big a spending pot as possible when the time comes to move. That might include charging your adult child a moderate rent while he's living with you.

What you're planning for is a a new life for yourself when the children have flown the nest. It could be a very exciting project if you can think creatively. Good luck.

A smaller house wouldn't have enough room for us, and I wouldn't want a much smaller garden as I am, already close enough to neighbours, the thought of being even nearer is offputting.

I've looked at moving further out of London but then you lose the commuting benefits, the areas that are affordable are often not that nice and tbh there's not much price difference any more.

Maybe I need to start a thread in Property with my budget and see if anyone can suggest something!