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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner didn't say he was picking DD up

18 replies

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:07

Name changed for this but don't really know why.

I drop DD off at school before I go to work at 9, and, as my partner is busy and has his own business, if my work dictates I pick her up from afterschool club by 6. I manage this often but I work 30 miles away and traffic is awful so I'm often pushing it. I picked DD up last night, and I said I could do today. Traffic looked OK originally but got worse and worse.
I was determined not to ring my partner as knew he had meetings until late. I made it at 5:59pm to find gates closed, no one there! The caretaker was just leaving and asked if I was ok. I explained I was meant to be getting DD and he said she'd been picked up, but we didn't know who by.
Cue some ringing around, partner didn't answer the phone. The caretaker rang the deputy manager of afterschool club, who said her dad had got her half an hour previous!

When I got home I was so annoyed he hadn't told me and that I'd driven home in an panic for no reason. He said he'd told me last night (I'm certain he didn’t) and that I was going mad forgetting things. He does have form for this and twists everything I say.
I (rightly or wrongly) was angry with him and I said from now, he gets DD (he works from home), no arguments. I like picking her up but I'm sick of constantly rushing around and almost giving myself a panic attack in bad traffic.

I feel such an idiot for almost crying in front of the poor caretaker, but for a minute I did not know where DD was. I must have sounded neurotic and highly strung on the phone to the manager (I like to keep that side of me under wraps normally 😅).
I feel partner should have confirmed he was getting DD.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 24/05/2022 19:09

You say you said last night you'd pick her up; he says he also said this...
Only one of you is right. Are you certain it's you?

knowinglesseveryday · 24/05/2022 19:12

I believe you. You should believe yourself.

MichelleScarn · 24/05/2022 19:12

So do you think he's done this maliciously or has their been a genuine mistake somewhere?

YarnHoarder · 24/05/2022 19:13

You had a normal response to what could have been a really horrible event if she hadn't already been collected by someone trusted. Don't be embarrassed by your reaction, I'm sure the caretaker and deputy manager understood.

I would let the who told who what go, it's not going to benefit anyone trying to work out who was right and who was wrong as you're both adamant.

How often is he dismissive towards you and twisting things? If it's often it does sound like something you might want to think about his behaviour and attitude towards you.

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:14

I think he wanted to make me look an idiot to be honest.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 24/05/2022 19:14

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:14

I think he wanted to make me look an idiot to be honest.

Why?

TheSnowyOwl · 24/05/2022 19:15

From your post it sounds like a one off that he has picked her up and it sounds like it’s normal for her to stay at the club. So as a one off, I wouldn’t think anymore of it.

I appreciate you like picking her up but if he wfh and can get her earlier, isn’t it far nicer for her to be at home instead of staying at a club until the last minute it’s open? So yes, I think he should pick her up in future.

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:15

We don't have the best relationship, he likes winding people up.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 24/05/2022 19:16

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:15

We don't have the best relationship, he likes winding people up.

Ah Sad

Oysterbabe · 24/05/2022 19:17

If was a miscommunication. I don't think I'd hold a grudge in this scenario.

LittleOwl153 · 24/05/2022 19:18

Sounds like a 'fun' partnership. I assume he's abusive in other ways too? Can you get out before all this really impacts on your dc?

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:18

@TheSnowyOwl I totally agree. I love picking DD up but determined not to go through that stress again.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 24/05/2022 19:20

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:18

@TheSnowyOwl I totally agree. I love picking DD up but determined not to go through that stress again.

If you are able to get rid of the stress of worrying about being late for pick up, hopefully you’ll be relaxed and able to change your evening routine to something else you both love doing once home with her.

Lex345 · 24/05/2022 19:20

Firstly, I don't think you look like an idiot. Things like this will happen ALL the time. Sometimes the reverse will happen and no one turns up. Its not done on purpose, people get their wires crossed etc. I remember getting a phone call in work when DD and DS2 were in primary school because DH had not collected them. DH wasn't answering the phone and I was on the verge of leaving work (I was a nurse at the time, worked a good 2 hours away on public transport as I dont drive). Turns out DH had felt poorly and gone for a lie down and nodded off.

Anyway. My point is please don't feel embarrassed because you reacted as ANY mother would if they thought some random person had collected their child. I would be more worried if you hadn't panicked!

As for DH, only you know if he has form.for purposefully doing stuff like this or if it is genuinely a mis communication. Main thing is DD is safe and home.

GlowUp2022 · 24/05/2022 19:38

It sounds like there’s a lot of backstory that explains why you’ve interpreted this the way you have.

Greenginghamdress · 24/05/2022 19:41

@GlowUp2022 There is but maybe it was an honest mistake. Its hard to know.

OP posts:
GlowUp2022 · 24/05/2022 19:47

@Greenginghamdress whether it was or not, if he’s got a history of deliberately making your life hard or trying to make you look stupid, it’s worth thinking seriously about whether being with him makes your life better or worse than the alternative.

Onwards22 · 24/05/2022 20:28

YANBU a simple text to say I’ve got DD would have caused so much less stress.
However if I had got there and DD wasn’t there I would have phoned DP straight away and asked him.

Don your hard hat if he isn’t her dad as many MNers don’t agree with step parents being responsible for picking the SDCs up.

There definitely needs to be some sort of system in place as I’m surprised you haven’t accidentally not picked her up before.

It doesn’t sound like a great relationship though so I don’t think this is very relevant. What is relevant is why you’re still with him?

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