To refuse to have this child over for birthday sleepover ?

[Fifi0102]

DD aged 9 has a supposed BFF they are more like frenemies frequently falling out. I had to call school a few months back as DD was being excluded and being called really nasty names. They have since made up but fell out again yesterday. I don't want my DDs birthday being spoilt by arguing and later falling out at school. She is free to invite her to tea or a sleepover on another day. She has lots of other friends who she doesn't argue with and plays with outside of school. I'd feel more comfortable taking these children out for the day as I know their parents very well and think the day will be nicer for her. These friends don't attend her school so there will be no fallout at school.

My DH has said I'm controlling and she can decide who to have. I think this is true but when she's a bit older. I'm having to constantly comfort her when she falls out with this "friend". AIBU?

Agree, would not invite her.

Ime of many dc assisting in the management of friendships in primary school is more than acceptable. Keep your dd's birthday celebrations as stress free as possible!

I wouldn't risk having her day spoiled. Let them get together at another time. Perhaps with other friends from school

If they can’t be trusted to get on consistently for 24 hours then it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I agree with you.
She needs you to step in and make a grown up decision for her.

I wouldn't want her to stay but I'd allow DD make the decision.

That's a hard one, I would be like you and not want my daughter's day ruined but on the other hand if your daughter wants them there it can be awkward. The fallout from not inviting her could be worse OR it will get rid of her for good, one or the other.