To ignore the message

[Whowhatwherewhenwhynow]

I’ve a friend who has, over the last 2-3 years, gone through bouts of no contact with me. she’s gone through a repeated pattern of suddenly stopping replying to my messages and making no contact with me and then after 2-3 months messaging re-starting contact, only to again stop contact 3 months down the line again. This has happened on a repeated cycle for about 3 years.

I never bombard her, I always stop messaging after 2 ignored messages. The extra frustrating element is she will remake contact asking about meeting up, doing an activity together…with no mention of having ignored me for months.

Until about 6 months ago I accepted that she just came and went. That maybe the periods of no contact were because she was busy, feeling low mentally, not wanting to meet up with me etc. However now I’m just done with it. Over the last 5 months she pulled out of a trip we arranged with no notice (just ignored it was happening), asked me to do an activity with her then ignored when I responded agreeing, then ignored basic message asking how she was. Previously she was a bit flakey often cancelling activities.

about 6 weeks ago, after it became apparent she was going into a no contact phase, I decided I was done with it. Now, inevitably, despite no messages from me she has made contact again asking about meeting up. I just can’t be bothered with it. I know it sounds dramatic but it feels like repeated rejection and like being repeatedly ghosted.
so I’m just wanting the cycle to end now and to cut contact. Which is sad because she is a genuinely lovely person and our children used to be so close.

has anyone experienced similar with a friend?
I don’t understand it. Why not end the friendship it you don’t want to maintain it?

Is it best to outright say “well you’ve ignored my last 2 messages, pulled out of a trip without informing me and generally not kept contact, so I’m not wanting to make any future arrangements with you”. Or shall I just ignore her, as she has me, so there’s no communication at all.

I always feel like it’s so much easier suggesting responses for other people, but harder when it comes to sending a blunt reply yourself.

I'd just say No thanks, you mess me about too much and pulling out of the trip and not even telling me was a real arsehole move.

Don't just ghost her - tell her why! Don't let her get away with it. Then block her.

Sorry, you're too unreliable and flaky, can't be bothered.

Just ignore her. She brings nothing to your life so block and move on

I'd message her and say The last time you pulled out of arrangements and went no contact was the final straw for me, I'm afraid. I wish you well for the future, but I find your behaviour rude and I am no longer prepared to let you mess me around.

I'd say 'yeah sure' and then not turn up.

Your first response and actually any of the pp's would do. She has treated you badly and I don't see why she shouldn't be called out on it.

This one is perfect. Clear, non apologetic and non aggressive.

Any of these responses are good op....absolutely not unreasonable for you to give her a valid reason why you don't want to

Just text back
Who's this?
She has damaged your friendship beyond repair. She deserves no explanation..

I had a friend who did this it really fucking hurts. It also makes you question yourself. In my situation I seem to of been permanently ghosted this time, after I called them out on it.

I think it's fine to say that that there is too much of a pattern of her ignoring you for months and then contacting you again, suggesting / agreeing to / organising meet ups and then not turning up or cancelling. You're sure she has her reasons and you haven't said anything so far in case they are mental health related and you respect she might not want to see you, however you just can't continue to accept being messed about and need to protect your own mental health and prioritise organising things that aren't likely to get cancelled. So until she is in a place where she can be more consistent it's best you take a step back and you wish her well

I love that. I missed my opportunity to say that to my "best friend" the last time she dumped me. For 20 years we had been closer than sisters. She started flaking on me then ghosting and then getting back in contact as though nothing had happened. It happened three times with gaps ranging from 6 months to just over a year. I will forever regret not telling her to get to fuck. She's just unfriended and/or blocked now. Her number is in my mobile as spam.

at the end of the day I think nearly all of us can agree ghosting is crap so I would honestly tell her. Just say “I find it rude and stressful how you go through phases of ignoring me / stop responding to messages / don’t show up and leave me wondering why so can we just leave it here. I won’t respond again. Take care”

clear and she knows where she stands
also that is if you genuinely want to let the friendship go you need to consider she might come back and say something like she’s sorry but she goes through bouts of depression where she ghosts everyone etc

This message is spot on.
There's no way she can turn it back to you.

I'd send that and be done with her.

I personally would just ignore her.

But you could also go for a fairly neutral reply like: 'Hi - I haven't heard from you for a long time, so I'm glad you're OK. I'm quite busy at the moment and often when I've made arrangements with they've fallen through, so I'd rather not commit to meeting up right now.'