So, my ex and I agreed to be separated under the same roof as we have two children (1 year old and 2.5 years old). I'm a SAHM to both full time, living in a foreign country without a support network. Ex partner doesnt contribute much to childcare or giving me a break of any sort. I strongly suspect my partner of NPD for a wide variety of reasons, which I suspect plays into what happened today. I mentioned to him that I was getting extremely worn out and tired with keeping on top of everything and being woken 3x a night by both of the kids. He sleeps at the other end of the house so as to get a full nights rest. He works for himself so often he has long lunches, goes for drinks, sometimes even takes a day off work to do his own thing alone. He comes home and just watches TV all evening and all weekend, although admittedly he does cook for us 2-3x a week.
Anyway, he had to go out of town for a new job and suggested as I need a break, we should make a holiday of it. He booked a hotel room for 4 nights and I spent hours washing and packing everything for myself and the kids (he said he would only be packing for himself). As I was finishing off packing up the last bits this morning and trying to tidy up after everyone, my one year old kept grabbing my leg and crying to be held the entire time so it was considerably stressful as I felt I couldn't get anything done and my ex was just mooching around the house at his own pace, and whenever I left the kids alone with him to get on with it, he would follow me to whichever room I was in so the kids would follow and start grabbing at me for attention again. My ex notices that I'm being snappy and short (as I'm stressed and trying to get everyone out the door), and starts demanding an apology because I'm ruining him looking forward to going away. I repeatedly explain why I'm getting stressed (which I'm sure many here with young kids will understand) and I get everyone in the car. Fast forward ten minutes, he turns to me and says 'I can't believe we have such beautiful kids...I mean you're so average looking'. I didn't say anything, then a few minutes later I decided to just say 'that comment was a bit rude, don't you think? I don't care if you find me attractive but you should know it isn't nice to say that to anyone.' He knows I'm particularly sensitive about by appearance and always points out that I wear makeup everyday, so it was clear that he said it to cause upset/attempt to manufacture an argument. He then starts biting his fingernails and hits the steering wheel and shouting that he should just drop us home and turns the car around. I go balistically angry at this point because after all the stress of packing, looking forward to a much needed break and then being punished for simply calling out something was rude, the kids and I have to suffer.
I started swearing and calling him a few choice words because I now had to go home and unpack, take care of the kids alone and tidy up the mess the house was in instead of having a break. I was crying and angry and then suddenly he starts being level headed and saying 'how can you shout and swear with the children right there' and suddenly started pretending to be a caring father (which isn't usual for him). I then found out he was recording me after I started shouting, and started threatening to play it to people I know. I phoned my mum in tears explaining what happened, which I tried to do in the privacy of my room but he followed me in. He started making out he had to turn the car around because I apparently went nuts about his average looks comment (which would be logical but in this case completely untrue). He then starts sending my mum the recording of me shouting and swearing at him so he looks like the reasonable one and I the insane one.
I start bagging up his stuff for him to leave, then he starts video recording me. Eventually he gets back in his car to resume his holiday alone so I bagged up all his clothes and left them in the garage. AITA?